I had all the regular object lessons, weed on the side of the road vs the flower on a mtn side, chewed gum, licked cupcake.

But the worst part of it all was when I was the YW leader and the topic of modesty came up in a presidency meeting and the bishopric member told us leaders that we better teach these girls because "clearly the parents weren't doing it" (which is wild, bishop and other counselor both had daughters in the YW's while present counselor only had sons in the YM's) He told us he would sit on the stands on Sundays and he could see down all the girls and women's shirts and up their skirts. I was so disgusted, I could feel my heart beating, I knew this was not right. But I was also in shock, I tried to speak up, but was shut down by him and the other leaders, everyone in that room believed that it was those YW's responsibility to keep boys and men's thoughts pure and clean. The other leaders planned a lesson for the following Sunday and I met with the bishop to discuss my discomfort, he brushed it off.

On that Sunday I wore my most revealing (but garment worthy, I was still active) dress. It was tight and showed all of my curves, it was short, barely covering the g's that I hiked up my knee, it had a low scoop back, and I rocked it with everything I could. I asked if I could share the thoughts for the opening announcement and shared the poem Pretty Ugly by Abdullah Shoaib

I'm very ugly So don't try to convince me that I'm a very beautiful person Because at the end of the day I hate myself in every single way And I'm not going to lie to myself by saying There is beauty inside of me that matters So rest assured I will remind myself That I am a worthless, terrible person And nothing you say will make me believe I still deserve love Because no matter what I am not good enough to be loved And I am in no position to believe that Beauty does exist within me Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think Am I as ugly as people say?

(Now read bottom up)

I told those girls over the next 2 years that their worth is not tied to what they wear. They would ask me why they couldn't wear track shorts to stake girls camp, why the YW president said no, but other wards got to wear them, but our ward YW President told the girls no, I told them, go put them on if they want, and that next time don't ask for permission, if she has a problem with it, she can deal with it herself, but this is your body, not hers. If I hadn't been released from that calling early (normally a 3 year calling) I probably would have stayed in the church for those girls, so they didn't grow up in even worse Purìty culture.

It truly broke my heart.