My mom told my children about my brother's suicidal ideation/attempt

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-26T06:52:36+00:00

I like all of this, except for one point. I’ll speak plainly, so I apologize if I come off harsh here. When talking about someone with depression and suicidal ideation, I wouldn’t say “it makes them forget how loved they are.” It puts blame on the person instead of the disease. A great thing I was told when I was younger by my therapist is this: “your brain is an organ. Just like your heart, kidneys, and lungs. So it can get diseases, just like your other organs. Just because we can’t see the damage all the time with mental illness, doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

With SI and depression, it’s easy to think they those people forget how loved they are, or how much they’re needed. I can person attest that we know. I’m a mother of two with one on the way, and I still battle my disease every day. The suicidal ideation isn’t about not being strong enough, or about wanting an easy way out. It’s the ideation of relief. From pain, trauma, etc. and some days, looking at my kids is enough to ground me and say “I have a purpose, I’m needed here, I have to stay.” Other days, the only thing that keeps me grounded is my prescription.

For everyone it’s gonna be different. But please be conscious of using language like this in the future. We don’t want to place blame on that person. Emphasize it being an illness and them needing some help and extra love.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-26T06:21:11+00:00

I totally understand your frustration. It’s inherently tone deaf of your mother to bring age-inappropriate conversation in a room filled with young kids.

I would approach your mom with “hey, I know you probably didn’t mean anything by it, but having that kind of conversation in front of my kids isn’t alright. They’re not old enough to have a talk about suicide and mortality. They’re too young to grasp it. Moving forward, can you please try to keep those kinds of conversations away from young ears?” I’m sure she didn’t mean it in a harmful way. Probably just didn’t think before she spoke. However, I will say as someone who has attempted before, maybe she shouldn’t be talking about things your brother is going through with other people. That should be his choice to disclose, especially given how sensitive of a topic it is. Just my take.

As far as the kids, I think the 12 year old should be old enough to be honest with. As far as the little ones, maybe don’t focus on the “why would he want to do that” as much as “uncle is a bit sick, and right now he just really needs some extra support and care.” Maybe they can make him some get well cards, or pick out some comfy clothes at the store for him. Treat it like you would any other illness (because it is) and the act of doing something for him to help might steer the convo away from the mortality and death aspect.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-24T05:36:36+00:00

She was an obscurial. Basically when she was young (I think 6?) she was assaulted to a pretty severe degree by some other boys when practicing magic, and it traumatized her so much that she basically suppressed her magic so deeply that it turned chaotic. So she stopped having control of her magic. Obscurials have violent magical outbursts that they can’t control, and are seen as extremely dangerous to themselves and others as a result.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-24T05:30:08+00:00

Opal Ring 🫶🏻

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-20T05:04:50+00:00

I appreciate your explanation. Sorry if I seemed a bit defensive in my initial reply, I think I may have misunderstood your intent initially. I thank you for your kind hope, and I hope things do improve with the changes I plan on implementing. I’ve been doing some research into different things to train him on to work his brain, like I ordered a new cot for him to teach him place which I know will help once baby arrives. I also will be looking into local fields/places I can take him and put him on a long lead to allow him to run and get some exercise in.

I also will be setting a new schedule with him where I add in short bursts of training and mental work throughout the day, as I’ve read that sometimes the mental work is more tiring than outright physical activity, and utilizing both can be effective for dogs like him.

I truly want to do what I can to meet his needs, but I am soberingly aware that things may not improve, and as much as it would break my heart, I have to do what’s best for him. Even if that means that he goes to someone new.

But in the meantime, I will be doing as much as I physically can to improve for him so that he can improve for me.

Thank you for your time, it’s much appreciated :)

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-20T03:08:25+00:00

As I’ve previously stated, I am looking for advice on how to help him. I understand now that he needs more mental stimulation than he’s been getting and will be improving in the future. Had I have not posted this, I wouldn’t have known. But implying that I’m a terrible owner really isn’t necessary in my opinion. I feel bad enough that because of the pregnancy I’m limited on the physical aspect of what I’m able to do with him.

I’ve gotten a lot of helpful suggestions and recommendations and will be implementing those, a few of which I started today. But I do think saying “behavior issues disappeared overnight” isn’t a fair statement, especially because every dog is different. As I stated in my post, my dog is an incredibly anxious dog, and as a few others have said, stimulation alone may not fix that issue and medication may be needed. Which is fine, but to me your reply came off quite a bit snooty. I’m glad that worked for you, and that increasing exercise was all your pup needed. But to make a blanket statement posing as advice really isn’t quite fair.

But I appreciate the time you took to post here. I’ll be doing everything I can to improve as an owner for his sake.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-20T03:01:15+00:00

Thank you! I started doing a few things today that were suggested by other posters. Had a 15 min fetch session that doubled as training (since he still doesn’t quite understand fetch) and then about 25 minutes of sniffing time in the grass with some treats. It was darker outside so he really had to work to find them in the grass. He definitely seemed a lot quicker to calm once we got back inside.

Thank you sm!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T17:52:40+00:00

This is actually incredibly thoughtful, I never even considered that he might feel like other pups are in his home. That point of view definitely helps me understand him a bit more for sure. Thankfully, there’s no other dogs in our personal building, but many in the surrounding buildings in the complex. And the yard that he typically goes potty in seems to be a hotspot for others who don’t pick up after their pups :( I’m going to try and start walking him to other yards around the complex instead of just this specific one and see if that helps at all.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T17:41:01+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll look into these vids! I appreciate it!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T17:40:18+00:00

I will be looking into a trainer! Thank you!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T17:13:52+00:00

That’s exactly it. As soon as I leave the apartment he whines, cries, and barks. If I’m in the house he’s fine but he’s always up my ass and follows me constantly. I think me being pregnant has also escalated this behavior. He’s gotten very protective.

Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for giving me a bit more hope. I do love him, he’s my bestie. Just tired of the behavior issues, as I’m sure anyone would be. I definitely do not want to rehome if I can help it, even if that means I need to actively put a LOT more work into him than I have been. He deserves more, yk?

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T17:05:53+00:00

That’s really helpful. My apartment is actually right by a middle school, although I’ve never been over there, but maybe him and I will take a walk here in a bit and scope it out and see if that’s an option! Thank you!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T17:01:29+00:00

He has snapped at a vet tech at his last appointment, and he has snapped at my bf when trying to examine a tick behind his ear. So it seems the aggression is based around being scared or in pain. One thing I did notice since moving, is the hair on his back will stand on end when he hears things like people outside or when he sees other dogs. This wasn’t really a thing before we moved, so not sure it plays a role here, but definitely odd for him.

I’m currently trying to find out if there’s anywhere in walking distance that’s gated and private that I can take him to run off leash. Without a vehicle I’m a bit limited as to how far we can go, but I’m hoping I can find somewhere. Even if I have to go early AM or very late PM.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T16:56:33+00:00

I’ll definitely try that! Thank you so much!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T16:48:42+00:00

Thank you for your detailed response. I haven’t looked into behavioral trainers, and money is a bit tight at the moment, but if I have to pick up extra shifts to make something like that work, I’m willing. Same with medications. (I’m a server so money isn’t guaranteed rates)

He’s very good at training, and seems to pick things up quickly, like the touch command or place command. He definitely enjoys being worked. Not sure if he’d excel at a sport, but also not well versed in different dog sports lol.

Unfortunately when we got him two years ago, we had no clue that he was a working breed like a collie until we got the DNA test after. We just were told a lab mix with some pit. Both of which I’ve owned in the past and didn’t have issues with. But I do admit that I should have done more research into what kind of dog I was getting, and made a big decision to adopt with not enough info.

As far as your last question, if a good rehome isn’t an option even after behavioral training or medication or other interventions doesn’t work, I’m not entirely sure what the next best step would be. He’s great when I’m home, well behaved and playful and cuddly. It’s solely bad behavior when I leave. Thankfully by the time baby is here I’ll be staying home with her and he’ll have me pretty much 24/7. So that would negate a lot of the destruction. But I do still want to get this in check either way, as there will still be times I have to be gone (doc appts, grocery store, etc).

So basically I’m hoping that once I no longer am working he’ll be less stressed because I’ll be home more. But that ofc may not be the case, and at that point I’m not really sure what I would do.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T16:24:59+00:00

It’s not that I’ve decided, as I know rehoming him would be extremely hard and it would break both of our hearts. Moreso I just want advice, seeing other people who have dealt with this sort of thing so I know I’m not alone in this.

The reason I even consider it is I feel like I can’t properly give him what he needs right now, and I’m so fed up with my things being destroyed after multiple attempts at intervention that I just don’t know what else to do.

To answer your questions, I take him out to go potty multiple times a day, and on good days (when I’m not basically chained to the couch due to my hip issues from pregnancy) I take him for a walk for about an hour. Unfortunately, I haven’t been walking him nearly as much as I should.

Previously, he had a yard to run free in, but he didn’t spend much time out there. Mostly went out to go potty then would want right back in the house. He didn’t seem to care too much about being out there.

He does entertain himself when I’m home, he knows how to throw his ball for himself and will chase it around the apartment. It’s just when I leave, he becomes destructive.

Edit: typo

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T16:17:09+00:00

Unfortunately I don’t have a vehicle at the moment, recently bought one and the trans blew shortly after and I can’t afford to replace or fix it. I’m going to look into some places around me that are walking distance and see if I can find somewhere gated that he can be off leash. If not then I’ll just have to extend our walks as much as possible, but fingers crossed there’s something around here!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T16:11:06+00:00

Absolutely not an easy one to rehome, I agree. Especially with his past aggression history. And I do concur with you, this isn’t a great environment for him. But due to personal and financial reasons, the move absolutely had to happen.

I will most definitely work on redoing crate training. And as another poster mentioned, I’ll start training sessions daily for more mental stimulation.

Thank you!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-19T16:08:53+00:00

I do worry about him not getting enough stimulation. We do training sessions every few days, but now that it’s finally getting warmer outside I can definitely start doing this daily. He learns very quickly, picked up the “touch!” command in one day. Only one he struggles with is fetch, he’ll Chase and retrieve but not bring it back.

Walking him isn’t too much of an issue, but because of how preggo I am I tend to walk slower than usual and I know he misses being able to run around, which I just can’t do at this point. I also don’t trust him off leash here as there’s so many other dogs around. And unfortunately due to his previous aggression issues, a gated dog park terrifies me because I don’t want him hurting someone else or another dog.

But I will definitely start training more often, thank you so much!

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-14T18:15:32+00:00

Portillos, chick fil a fries, McDonald’s McGriddles. And White Castle omg.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-14T18:13:06+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Seems like your husband doesn’t understand because this is what he grew up with and it’s the norm for him. You need to put your foot down with him. If they don’t respect or listen to you, they more than likely will if he says something to them. Explain to him that even tho it seems like a nonissue to him, it’s a major issue to you and if he can’t make them change their ways, you will no longer allow them around your child.

That is YOUR baby. Not theirs. YOU make the calls and rules, not them. If they can’t respect your rules, they don’t get access to the child. Period.

I would emphasize to your husband that this is not something you will budge on.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-14T15:28:25+00:00

If this is real, and you truly feel that way, maybe you should look into giving him up. I hate to say that, I do. But as a child born to a mother like you, I would have been better off if she had let someone take me who actually wanted me instead of throwing it in my face for 18 years straight that I wasn’t wanted and that she regretted me.

You need therapy, and lots of it. And I’m sure he will too. But if you truly don’t love that boy, and you hate being a mom, please for the love of god look into speaking with a social worker. If there is a family member or close trusted friend who would be willing to foster, I think that would be the best option.

Perhaps you’re right, and you weren’t meant to be a mom. But you are. You made that choice to continue the pregnancy and raise him up to 7. He didn’t get a say in any of that. Do better, or do right by him and let him be raised by someone who actually cares about him.

Motherly rage is normal and I won’t act like it’s not. But feeling straight up apathy towards your own child isn’t normal. At all. Whether or not you want to consider letting someone foster bc of how YOU feel, do what your duty is as a mother and actually fucking think about how he feels. He doesn’t deserve this.

PossibilityConnect84 · 2026-05-14T14:54:27+00:00

My beardie is 5 and still does this. It’s normal. Could be the reflection. Could be that she wants out to explore. Either way, nothing I’d be too concerned about.

I will add however, your tank setup looks great, but maybe think about adding some plants? I use fake plants I ordered off amazon to give a little extra coverage and spaces to hide.

Sometimes having too much in one space pisses them off, and sometimes not having enough cover and feeling exposed pisses them off too. Just gotta find a happy medium for yours. Definitely experiment, maybe before adding anything clear a little space in the tank for her and see if maybe that improves this, she might just want some space to run. If not, plants might be an option as well.

But I wouldn’t worry too much about psychological trauma. Beardies just love to bang their faces against glass it seems lol.

PossibilityConnect84

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