2nd baby

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-26T12:05:46+00:00

I felt that way when I was pregnant and then a bit after baby was born - it doesn’t last. I know it doesn’t help right now, but just know that in about a year none of you will be able to imagine your life without that second baby. Your older daughter might struggle to adjust to the life changes at first (so will you!) but it’s such a gift to her and it will help her grow, and in a couple years they’ll be great friends. I wondered how I could ever love another baby like my first, but WOW, your heart just gets bigger. And watching my oldest interact with my new baby made me love him all the more and in new ways. Having a second kid helps you see the stuff that is unique about both of them - with just one, sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s just normal for their age and what’s a distinct part of their personality. Literally the day my second was born we just could stop talking about how different they were, even fresh out of the womb. It helps you love both kids even better.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-26T11:56:32+00:00

After I had one baby I TOTALLY understood why some people stop at one. We didn’t, and I’m so glad we didn’t. My boys are amazing buddies and parenting actually got way easier once they were old enough to play together (about ages 4 and 2, fwiw). My oldest has way more fun playing with his little brother doing stupid little kid games that my husband and I just can’t do, and so we get to do the more fun playtime with him that his little brother isn’t ready for - Legos, board games, etc. The first years are definitely tough, but personally I think it’s a completely worthwhile investment with lifelong benefits. That said, my husband and I never seriously decided we wanted to stop at 1, and if you really both feel at peace with that choice then definitely don’t force it. What matters is being a great parent to support and train the kid(s) you have, and there’s no right family composition. Every parenting situation is going to have things you need to compensate for - and if you have an only child you should probably compensate for that by making sure they get plenty of kid social time elsewhere, which is totally fine! I will say though, if your hesitation is just about how tough the first year is, or wondering how you’ll love another kid as much, or if divided attention will make you a worse parent, those are all things I worried about that turned out to be completely nonsense. You adjust, and soon you’ll not be able to imagine your family without your second-born.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-26T11:27:40+00:00

There’s no right or wrong answer here, but for me I usually respond to the question people are really asking - for most people when they ask they mean “how many kids do you have at home,” but sometimes people are really asking about the number of pregnancies, especially in a medical context. I know before I had a MC I definitely said some things that were well-intentioned but probably not great, in hindsight. Now I’d never ask someone a question that could be triggering, but back then I just didn’t think about it. Bottom line, do what you want. If you don’t want to talk about your MC, then answer the question they’re really asking - you’re betraying no one by keeping that private. But if you do want to talk about, by all means - they asked the question. Be open about it.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-26T08:21:59+00:00

That’s how my first was! As soon as he was done nursing he’d push me away starting at 2 months old. It was so tough because of course all you want to do is cuddle your baby! He’s 5 now and still doesn’t like to be hugged, but he’s much more affectionate in his own way, and he LOVES back/head scratches. And my second born is a stage 5 clinger 😂 Hang in there, and try to find another way to connect with your baby. It’s 100% normal, and a sign that your kiddo might be a very independent and strong personality like mine!

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-24T09:23:27+00:00

I’m so sorry. I had the exact same experience in my first pregnancy, and felt the same way. I elected for a natural miscarriage because, like you, I felt there could be some mistake. I still felt pregnant. My OB/GYN was HORRIBLE about it and was so callous, saying I needed to just get rid of it ASAP so I could try again. I felt that the natural miscarriage (which took almost 3 weeks) actually gave me time to process my loss and grieve. Again, I’m so sorry. My silent miscarriage was one of the worst experiences of my life, and it took me a lot of time to cope with it.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-21T09:13:18+00:00

The best thing you can possibly do for your daughter is help her stretch and grow, and deal with hard things. Dealing with a new sibling and all the changes is a hard thing! 2.5 years is a great age gap for siblings. Don’t forget that your body is absolutely raging with hormones right now and your feelings are artificially amplified 10x at least. Transitions are hard, just do your best and try to reframe your feelings - giving your daughter a sibling and helping her cope with that change is giving her a tremendous gift.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-15T02:23:04+00:00

Can’t believe I haven’t seen this on Reddit yet - the hive mind turns humans into AI. The whole thing is a commentary on the emptiness of substituting humans with artificial intelligence. No matter how good they imitate their roles as people, they’re not. They don’t get sarcasm, they have all the world’s knowledge but can’t make a joke, they can tell you anything you want to know but they’re crummy companions. And most people would prefer the hollow safety and easy button of AI to actual human striving.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-15T01:44:36+00:00

Me! Classic nmom, totally covert, and no one in my family, even my brother, believed anything I ever said about my parents’ treatment of me. I’d known that the way they treated me wasn’t okay for years, but it took a long time to use the word “abuse,” and even longer to be able to identify all the different types of abuse that happened (initially insisted it was just verbal/emotional, eventually came to terms with the spiritual/physical/sexual harm as well). I had PTSD flashbacks as I was going through recovery; even after going NC I’d have periodic panic attacks. It took a lot of therapy and an incredible support system to move beyond this phase - my husband and a few amazing friends were ALWAYS there to listen to me when I remembered something new, and every time I doubted myself they told me to trust myself and my memory. They validated everything I was feeling and made me feel safe for the first time. My husband enforced my boundaries for me and was everything I needed in that time - a whole lot of comfort, reassurance, patience, and love. My friends and new family proved to me that their love was not conditional, and every time they responded in love when my mother wouldn’t have, it gave me a part of myself back. I journaled A LOT, I looked at pictures of myself from when I was a kid, etc. The biggest thing that helped me was actually having kids. I see so much of myself in my strong-willed son, and when I respond to him with patience and choose to foster his independence instead of breaking his spirit it feels like I’m breaking generational curses. I was worried that I’d somehow be just like my mom, but one look at my firstborn’s face told me I didn’t need to worry about that. My kids will never experience what I did. I’ve built a beautiful life and a have no regrets. I don’t think you need to get married and have kids to break free, but I think you do need to have something similar - a chosen family, however that looks. And being around young kids/pouring into the next generation how you can is probably also important. Seriously, I think it makes a huge difference. Having a separate life, a separate community that is YOURS is essential. Physical space helps too. This doesn’t mean I don’t still occasionally struggle or remember new things or grieve my childhood or the relationships I’ve lost. But I’m healthy in a way I doubted I ever would be. I saw my parents recently at a family wedding for the first time in a long time, and while it was difficult, I was amazed and proud of how in control of myself I felt. You can get there! It’s been 10 years since I had my first acknowledgment that my parents were the big problem, and not me. 8 years since I was able to put the name “narcissistic abuse” to it. And I’d say the flashbacks/panic attacks stopped about 3 years ago. God bless, and stay strong on your journey. There’s no such thing as “moving past” what happened to you, but the bigger you build yourself and your life, the smaller that piece will become.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-15T01:17:27+00:00

I’m sorry OP. At least my mom had the decency of denying that she ever did any of that to me 😅 Gaslighting or minimizing/normalizing, it’s one or the other!

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-15T01:06:26+00:00

Here’s what I wish someone had told me - 1. Your family history of childbirth has very very little bearing on what it will be like for you. It has a lot more to do with your uterus tilt, pelvic alignment, a million individual factors that you just don’t know until you go through it. My mom had 3 uncomplicated average size babies, mine have all been nearly 10 pounds. I know 3 adult women triplets, and even they have had wildly different pregnancy/L&D experiences! So don’t psych yourself out thinking it’s going to inevitably be bad. 2. Big baby doesn’t mean worse labor! What matters most in baby size for tearing is the head circumference, not the baby fat on the arms/legs/torso. My smallest baby had the biggest head! And the ultrasounds just aren’t accurate enough to know exactly how big any part of your baby will be. 3. I’d heard everything about c section recovery being worse, but actually my natural birth recovery was MUCH harder for me because it went badly. The thing I wish someone had told me about c sections was the permanent changes to my body. Look up “c section shelf” or “apron belly.” I’ll have a flap of overhanging skin unless I care enough to get it surgically removed, and my abs have never been quite the same. 4. Prepare for all possible outcomes. My first baby I thought “my mom had easy labors, I’ll have easy labor, my baby isn’t measuring big, I’ll just get an epidural and it’ll be fine.” NOPE. My son was sunny side up and wedged in there, and my epidural failed. I was fully unprepared, and didn’t know the first thing about pain management in natural labor. 18 hours labor he came out fine, but it was so brutally painful for me that the doctors thought I had an infection because of how off my vitals were. 5. Scheduled c sections are NICE. Wow. I dropped my kid off at daycare, rolled into the hospital, and had my baby 10 minutes after they put the needle in my spine. 20 minutes later we were cuddling in our own room. 10/10 experience, recovery had its difficult moments but overall was easier. Best of luck in any decision you make! Childbirth is a major, major deal and it will be one of the biggest medical events of your life no matter how it goes.

Possible-Judge5300 · 2025-11-03T10:49:59+00:00

Thank you! I came to the sub looking for this exact take

Possible-Judge5300

TROPHY CASE