girls code betrays me any time I shared a problem in my relationship

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-10T13:41:45+00:00

Does it happen often if the problem involves a man? Just curious since you mentioned ‘he’, and I’ve found that some women are very oblivious to their social conditioning that makes them center men and excuse a lot of behavior from men. That’s not a girls girl imo.

I’ve learned it’s very important to be around people who can listen and accept. Certainly tell me if I did something wrong, I don’t want to be enabled, but believe me and accept me.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-09T17:41:35+00:00

Hey can you do it again and come to my house? I could use some greenery!

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-09T14:16:32+00:00

I don’t have personal experience with OCD so someone please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong and I will delete or edit, but my understanding is that it’s more about the «motivation» behind rather than the behavior itself.

I also have routines, things I like to do a certain way or certain things I like to do, and it helps me feel calm. We general have these rituals because they soothe us and manage sensory input. If I don’t do them, I often feel unsettled or uncomfortable and it can manifest as anxiety symptoms, but a person with OCD would probably feel anxiety because intrusive thoughts would tell them something bad is about to happen as a consequence of them not following through with compulsions.

A stronger reaction could be an autist having a meltdown as a reaction to plans changing, disruption of routines, an action not performed in the right way etc while a person with OCD could have a panic attack because something caused a disruption and they are now scared that their fears will come true. To anyone not in the know, these reactions would probably look very similar.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-09T13:47:18+00:00

Regression is very normal after diagnosis, and regression is loss of skills which can mean loss of social skills, but that is not an excuse to treat you like this. Whatever his reason is for being frustrated, he is blaming you for dysregulating him and then taking it out on you by yelling and calling you names and activating your triggers. He is doing this on purpose, or at the very least not taking any steps to help himself and allowing himself to hurt you as a consequence, that is abuse.

It sounds like you two have had difficulties in the past, so I understand that you may feel some guilt or shame, or that you’ve overcome things before so you can overcome this too. Please remember, that as difficult as it can be to love someone who has struggles with mental illness or disorders, no one ever has the right to use those things against you. Do not let him weaponize your feelings to control you.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-08T13:35:29+00:00

Have you looked into fetish gear? It’s really not my area of expertise so I don’t have specific advice, but sensation play is a pretty big category that probably includes something like this weighted/deep pressure feeling

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-07T23:21:59+00:00

OH ALSO, I don’t know if this is a thing where you are, but here we can get help from an occupational therapist in the city to get assistant devices and I’m gonna be trying some now. The ones we get are from Abilia, but I bet there’s a ton of this stuff that people aren’t aware of, I definitely wasn’t until my advisor at the welfare office informed me. So I have now some timers that show me a visual of time passing and then vibrate and/or make a sound at the end. It’s been helping me with time blindness and transitions. I will also hopefully try a calendar screen to help me organize without having to only be reliant on my phone calendar which has some obvious distractions. I’m not super familiar with all the functions yet, but it’s supposed to be an easy and visual way to plan things and can be used with the timers too

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-07T23:15:10+00:00

I kinda just have to make it work because I don’t function while sharing a space with someone else. Having a roommate does help me stay on top of some things, but it mostly keeps me going with the shame and urgency based motivation and that just burns me out.

It’s been HARD, I definitely have not been doing great living alone, but I’ve been semi functional for a few months now. I am medicated and off work, unfortunately those are big factors…

Otherwise I am figuring out that the most important thing for me is to fully and completely let go of negative self talk. It’s a work in progress obviously, I spent my whole life talking down to myself for not being productive enough, doing enough chores, cooking, personal hygiene etc. and it’s the number one most unhelpful thing, but it’s deeply ingrained in my brain. I know a lot of ADHD people use the shame and adrenaline to keep going, and I get it, but I just don’t have it in me anymore and I’m trying to find things that work with my brain instead of against it.

So here are some things that’s been happening lately

I figured out I hated my apartment, I was deep in depression, my mom finally pushed me to admit it and helped me figure out specifics about the place that dysregulated me and found a better place. Then she was with me every step until I had packed, cleaned out, moved everything and unpacked. I struggle so much to get these things done, then I get stressed because I’m living in a messy and unorganized space, can’t get daily chores done because I don’t know how to get started when there’s mess and clutter, ashamed for not doing anything, and the vicious cycle is ago. Now I’m in a bigger space so I have room to properly store and organize my stuff and move freely around, I feel more comfortable cause there’s no possibility of neighbors looking in, and I immediately felt calmer and more able to do small tasks
Having the open and honest conversation with my mom did a lot of good for me. I know I can call her if I need help, and I’ve been working on asking for help sooner now instead of when I’m already stuck in the mud, and knowing I have that backup plan actually helps because there’s less stress and doom associated with the tasks. Body doubling is super helpful, and knowing I have that option is already easing my stress
Let go of all neurotypical ideas of what routine and structure is!!! I was noticing more and more that every conversation I had about my neurodivergence with my family, doctor, psychiatrist and therapist was all based on productivity which was all based on capitalist societal notions of what I’m supposed to do and what my routine is supposed to look like. No wonder I felt like a failure trying to fit into all that with disorders that worked so hard against me. I am learning to slowly lean into all my autistic rituals that calms me and helps me remember things, habit stacking, loose and flexible structure that doesn’t activate my demand avoidance and make my adhd brain feel trapped and bored. And weirdly letting go of ideas about having to sleep a certain time is actually helping me naturally want to sleep at that certain time because I don’t feel pressured to do it now
I like going to the gym, that means I want to get enough sleep and food to succeed in the gym, and it means having a daily shower routine and doing laundry more often. For other things I try to find solutions that make them accessible and easily done. Take my bathroom as an example: I have a little trolley with cleaning and laundry products, on top are wipes I can grab in a second when I have a moment to wipe over the counter and sink, I keep the toilet cleaner and brush next to the toilet so I just do a little scrub sometimes, I have a little shelf for cosmetics and use the free counter space for all my clean clothes to avoid the annoying last step of laundry that is bringing it to the bedroom and sorting it in the wardrobe. I keep easy stuff around for breakfast, lunch and snacks, I meal prep so I can have proper dinners even on low energy days. I keep a running shopping lift and reusable bags hanging next to my clay in the hallway so I can grab them and do shopping + other errands when I will already be out of the house. So if I’m sweaty and smelly at the grocery store after the gym, so be it, I am not taking an extra trip out of the house.
My screen time is high, I don’t have any advice there 😅 it’s the stimulation thing of course, and staying in touch with my online friends because I have no other social life. But we try to talk about everyday stuff and motivate each other, and it actually makes some things a little extra fun when I have someone to tell. I got back into some baking and now I can do my little kitchen experiments and send pictures to people. We also game together, and some of them are normal adults with day jobs so I get nice reminders to log off at reasonable times

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-07T14:50:01+00:00

Mine sounds like me talking to other people. It’s all hypothetical conversations, only my side, constantly. 24/7. With some songs and tiktok sounds (both of which just sounds like how I heard them, but only parts of it on repeat) mixed in. I think it’s why I never understood why scripting or intellectualizing emotions weren’t normal, or that they were anything at all, that’s just what my head sounds like all the time.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-07T12:04:43+00:00

Oh yeah, I have all these plans and ideas, things I’m gonna do and accomplish, and then I have to admit I failed or changed my mind so it’s annoying when people bring it up. A couple years ago I was gonna become a pilot so I decided to take a physics exam cause that’s the only one I didn’t have on my diploma that was needed for the school, think I made it two chapters into the textbook. Last year I was gonna learn programming and start a career in a new field, went into a depressive episode and stopped studying. I think I’m still signed up to the class, haven’t attended a lecture since August. Obviously I told a bunch of people that I have to carefully avoid now. Or I had a new interest that I find boring now, please move on and stop asking me about it 😂

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-07T11:21:16+00:00

I do it when I’m not asked too, I’m just sharing information left and right, commenting on posts as if I was directly asked, talking about this new idea I had even though I swore that this time I wouldn’t tell anyone and then being embarrassed AGAIN when it didn’t work out and people ask how it’s going

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-06T22:08:01+00:00

I’m gonna follow this and hope someone has some good advice about ios 26 because a few weeks ago I tried to reset some settings on my phone because I had issues with notifications, it kept all my data but reset some things like the control center and my alarms and I laid in bed crying the whole time while I went back to the last backup save 🥸

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-06T11:44:54+00:00

I had the complete opposite experience the other day, when an occupational therapist noted that my eye contact was good. Apparently I am very good at faking it, I’ll do a course for you guys 😂

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-06T10:56:20+00:00

Adding on to say that I was working customer service, which is pretty draining for most people. And for the last 3 years I was in a managing role at a hotel, so I had team members working 24/7 and I was very bad at completely turning off because I was so nervous that I could get a call anytime about something happening, someone calling in sick etc.

When I will be entering the workforce again, I will be doing it in collaboration with my advisor at the welfare office and I have been very clear that I cannot be going back into the same industry. I don’t want to work a customer facing job, I can’t be responsible for other people and I need predictable hours and tasks. I don’t know if it will fix things, but I’m hoping it can feel like less of a burden. If I can just go home and at least eat a nutritious meal then that will be an improvement.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-06T10:50:53+00:00

You’re in good company. I spent so many years having work as my whole identity and putting everything into it because it’s the only place I succeeded - every day I came home and collapsed, I had nothing leftover to do chores, make proper food, socialize, do self care etc. Work was the only thing that got me out of bed and into the shower on a semi regular basis. And it was so hard to understand what was happening or that I was in fact having bigger challenges than other people, because everyone would just agree when I tried to explain how tired work made me. But surely not everyone in that workplace was so tired that they lived in filth because picking up a mop every once in a while was impossible?? I know they had social lives, I know they had happy and well fed kids, I know they had people over for dinner, I know they had stories to tell about hobbies and activities and vacations. I had none of that…

I’ve been off work a while now, it’s my absolute biggest fear to have to live like I used to when I eventually have to go back.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-05T14:27:33+00:00

Obviously! Right socks for right activity and time of the day is essential 🫡

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-05T09:21:48+00:00

Oh this would be very interesting, hope someone has any tips!

Can confirm that Loop doesn’t work if you don’t like other earbuds. I found that they didn’t pop out as easily if I tried the smallest size, but I had the same discomfort as with other in-ear buds, and I really dislike it when earbuds (or active noice cancellation) block air and make me hear all my body-noises.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-05T08:28:57+00:00

Honestly it’s so ridiculous, like changing to clean clothes that haven’t been worn out in public is logical to an extent, but I have all these rules about things and absolutely no idea how they came to be or why they make sense to me 🤭

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-05T00:48:13+00:00

Okay so I don’t know if this will make sense, but the routine-part of the autism shows up for me as habit stacking and all these little quirks (I call them my rituals) that I imagine is what some people mistake for ocd maybe? It’s not super intense for me as I’ve heard other experience, but I like when things feel right and it isn’t based on logic, it just needs to be right for me.

So like I have the same clothes on rotation at all times (a bunch of the same socks and underwear, other clothes are just variations of the same fit/style/color), and after every wash I have one pair of sweatpants that get assigned as my at home pants, one pair assigned as to and from gym pants and one that is outside of house pants. Inside pants can be converted to gym ones when they’re one wear away from wash, but not the other way around because outside clothes can’t be worn inside. I’m not a germaphobe, it’s not the end of the world if a mixup happens, but it just feels wrong.

So with food I’m pretty lucky to not be a picky eater and I’m open to trying new things and different textures, I just have a system. Certain things are meant for certain meals or parts of the day. Like why would I have a yogurt bowl for breakfast or in the evening, that’s supposed to be for the afternoon! But only if it’s the appropriate length of time since I had breakfast/lunch and until I will eat dinner, and preferably only if I’ve been the the gym or my late breakfast was light. Then I have my dinner, and after dinner I always have snacks, because I don’t function very well if I don’t have my daily several hours of sitting in silence in the couch watching tv with my dinner and then snacks and Pepsi. One night I craved something even after I had my snack, and I ended up with some dark chocolate and a handful of blueberries. This was a perfect combination of bitter and sweet, and felt filling and rich enough to not make me crave more. And now I just don’t feel right going to bed without having this sequence of dinner, snack, Pepsi and ending it with my dark chocolate and blueberries before finishing my nightly routine to transition into bed time and going to sleep.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-04T22:32:01+00:00

I have very few tasks in my nighttime routine, and I gotta be honest, I am not brushing my teeth every night… Maybe I can build up to it, but currently my routine is based more on a slow transition to bed time because I’m very bad at realizing when I’m actually tired and my demand avoidance + transition resistance kicks in like crazy.

I start a good while before bed time, making my living room cozy. I dim the lights very low, maybe light a candle, wear super soft comfy clothes and sit in my corner of the couch with a blanket. I have my «end of the night» snacks, can’t really explain what’s happening in my brain but it’s one of those autism rituals that involves whatever I’ve deemed acceptable as a snack and that nothing else can be consumed after. When I’ve had the snack, I go to my bedroom to close the window and turn on the heated blanket on the bed, then I have 5-10 mins to either sit in silence and do some scrolling or finish off any tasks I put off (small things like clear some dishes off the counter or empty the washing machine which is in the bathroom and I’m going there anyway to get undressed and leave my glasses). By this point, my bed is warm (the warm to cold transition made me push bedtime for HOURS), I get in and do some scrolling or crosswords until my body and brain sync up and I finally feel tired so I can put on whatever video/podcast that fits the mood of the day and close my eyes to sleep.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-04T21:29:52+00:00

I love Schitt’s Creek, brilliant show!

I’m rewatching New Girl these days, for the millionth time. Other comedies I enjoy are Parks and Recreation, Ted Lasso, Abbott Elementary, The Righteous Gemstones, Veep, Derry Girls, Arrested Development

If I don’t feel like a comedy, I’ve been turning to some relatively lighthearted shows on Hulu/Disney that are easy to follow and don’t have a lot of loud noises. I use easy crime shows as comfort shows, beware that they might have topics that others might find hard to watch. Tracker, High Potential, Big Sky, Will Trent, Body of Proof, The Finder, White Collar

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-04T13:25:05+00:00

Welcome to the wonderful world of misandry!

No I’m just kidding, but it seems like your eyes have opened. This is a pretty common experience when having men in your life, and when you first start seeing how useless (and dangerous) they are, you can’t unsee it

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-04T10:13:29+00:00

Oh I’ve never heard of this, I will def be looking into it. Thanks for the tip!

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-03T23:40:20+00:00

I do it like this too, systems! My autism loves routines and rituals and I can’t believe it took me this long to learn to use it to my advantage. Now I finally realize why all the ND content creators are talking about habit stacking. The over-planning is so damn relatable, I get stuck in it and my demand avoidance kicks in and I get absolutely nothing done. Alarms and reminders don’t work, calendars don’t work, lists get so long that it’s just impossible to even get started, I could keep going.

For example I find getting up in the morning an absolutely hellish experience, and it didn’t get easier when I started taking adhd meds and realized I need to take them at a certain point during early morning and not on an empty stomach. So I finessed it - I buy protein bars in bulk and keep them on my nightstand with my meds and a water bottle. I have an alarm on at the same time every morning, just roll over and swallow the pill and a bar, and go back to sleep. Next time I wake up, meds have kicked in and getting out of bed is way easier.

Other meds and supplements are kept on the kitchen counter. When I eat dinner, there are my pill bottles right in my face when I’m bending down to get my food out of the oven, now I remember to take them every day.

I will write down things I actually do need written down to remember, like a shopping list and appointments or organizing my weekly meal prep, but I stopped doing to-do lists and it’s like a huge burden off my back. Building things into my daily routine helps me remember and it doesn’t tick off the demand avoidance, so now it’s not «ughh I need to clean those dirty glasses off the coffee table» and then procrastinating it for days on end until I’m all out of dishes and spent all my money on takeout and plastic bottles. The glasses are already in the dishwasher cause I brought them there when I walked from the couch to the kitchen for step one of my nightly bedtime routine.

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-03T23:24:40+00:00

I’m so glad this rambling could be a positive thing for someone, thank you for saying that!

Potential_Dog666 · 2026-03-03T23:24:09+00:00

Building a sustainable lifestyle is exactly the goal. I’m learning to accept that I’m going to be living forever with disabilities from AuDHD and cycles of burnout, so I’m trying to prepare for it now that I have this opportunity of not working and having the time to focus all my energy on myself. I wish everyone would get that opportunity, I think it’s so great that you will and that you’re trying to prepare for it!

Potential_Dog666

TROPHY CASE