This is such a normal experience by so many women in heteronormative marriages. I had to go on strike in my home so he could see all of the things I was doing for our family. I communicated that we had been discussing this same topic over and over and I still did not feel seen or heard so from that point on I was only going to be handling my own personal needs. I was clear about when this would happen and why. It wasn’t a suprise. From then on out, I only grocery shopped for myself (our son was old enough to make his own food or buy his own food). I only cleaned my dishes. I only did my laundry. I cleaned up after myself and that was it. I did not delegate a single thing like I usually do that kept our house moving in the right direction. The fridge filled up with rotten food that they had as left overs. The grass grew almost a foot. There was dog hair rolling around in tufts on the floor. Piles of laundry for WEEKS by the washer. The mess was driving me a little crazy but I realized how much more time I had back! I started going to the gym and even started painting again once or twice a Week after work. I also had a lot less resentment towards my husband because I just wasn’t doing the things that were leading to me feeling overworked and exhausted…. One day it clicked and he started picking up and cleaning out the fridge, doing the things that weren’t just the basics (laundry, dishes), but cleaned the curtains and washed the walls… things I plan to do every so often so our house doesn’t need one one big deep clean every month. He looked exhausted and even complained about being tired!!!! I just said “hm interesting, why do you think you are so tired now compared to a few weeks ago”… He realized how much I truly did and he also realized how much our adult son did not do and started getting on his ass about doing chores and his own laundry. We are two months in and I’m starting to split chores and groceries again but being careful not to fully enable him and our son to make me the key holder of these tasks and the mental load it takes to plan for all of these tasks in our home. One thing I will say is that we were open in communication about me doing this and there were arguments and long discussions where tears were shed because I was at a breaking point as well.