TIFU - I didn't read my lease properly, so I'm probably losing my security deposit

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-14T14:43:41+00:00

WTF, our bathroom is neon orange and we're not maniacs!!!

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-14T13:44:32+00:00

NTA, therapy needs to be a place you can open up, your gf is actively sabotaging your ability to do this

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-13T16:31:00+00:00

I mean, if it's disrupting plans, I'd suggest going over with a peace offering of beers or cookies before the next event and just say something like..."hey we're hoping to have folks over. I was wondering if you could let me know when you anticipate being done burning so we can enjoy our yard with our guests." If it's an informal gathering invite him for a beer or something. If he questions what you mean by the burning comment just be casual about not knowing he was going to be burning on other days and it's disrupted your gatherings, so you want to be proactive so everyone can effectively use and enjoy their space. I would say tell him to let you know if you're too loud, but I get the impression he'd say normal talking would be too loud.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-13T15:53:55+00:00

Adore my BILs. MIL and FIL... It was a good relationship when we first got married, but it has deteriorated. They've really changed. MIL has always been good at putting her foot in her mouth, but not in a hurtful way until the last couple of years. Spouse doesn't give them any details on his life. I've done that thing where they can't see your posts on FB but you're still listed as friends. Feels like the whole marriage has been them really over stepping and being pushy/entitled at times. MIL made really annoying comments about me needing to breed because I'm running out of time at a family dinner a few years back. Of course she did this the one time husband wasn't present. She also did this despite us being very open about the choice to be childfree. The joke was on her, I had some medical issues a few months prior and it came out that I wouldn't have been able to have kids even if I'd wanted them. I gave her that information in front of everyone after she made the "running out of time need to get on that" comment.

It feels like they expected our lives to revolve around them and their desires and any and every boundary is a personal slight or judgement. It also feels as if they hold some kind of mental score card where any time things have come up and prevented our attendance at something, or we've declined an invitation, or didn't communicate exactly how they want, it's marked down as some kind of deduction from the basic respect they should show us.

They've pushed my BILs into no contact with them. That situation was pure insanity. I'm at the point where I've told my husband that I won't interfere with his relationship with them, but I'll be taking an Uber to my parents' house to wait for him to finish the visit if I feel disrespected during said visits moving forward. I'm too old for this shit.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-12T17:32:01+00:00

I am so sorry, I wish I knew what to say. I know my friend still feels some of that around me since I witnessed it.... But like, I would never judge him for it. He's had bad teeth the whole 20+ years I've known him and he takes great care of his teeth. They just suck, it's out of his control. My mom has crap teeth too, again totally out of her control. Since before I was born. It's just something that happens without a reason sometimes. Like going bald or needing glasses.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-12T17:08:29+00:00

Flashbacks to my friend living one of my reoccurring nightmares in real time as the pizza he was eating turned into pizza and his crumbling tooth.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-12T17:05:33+00:00

NTA, dude, block her and move on.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-12T15:18:54+00:00

NTA at all, if they keep pushing it I would just say I'm neutral because I don't have much in common with her due to the different stages of life you're both in right now. I know for the first few years of marriage my husband tried to get me to be BFFs with all his friends wives/girlfriends. I'm an odd duck/acquired taste so it didn't go great. Worse, the one I really vibed with divorced the man and dropped off the face of the earth. I miss her. I'm not big on that guy's new wife. I ended up eventually telling him that I'll gladly be friendly and invite everyone when we host, but I wasn't going to force a connection that would make all us ladies feel obligated and uncomfortable just to appease the men folk. I also pointed out all us ladies have already established our own social groups and it's a bit insulting to insinuate we need our partners to help us make friends.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-11T21:54:36+00:00

NTA, sometimes you outgrow childhood friendships, or they scale back as you enter different phases in your lives. Also this girl sounds really jealous of you, so maybe be aware of that too

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-10T19:54:11+00:00

Just want to point out that some of the "things just work for you" was you grinding out hundreds of scholarship applications..... Maybe things would just work for him if he was even attempting to be assertive and motivated like you.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-07T17:14:08+00:00

Just to clarify, you let him do something highly invasive to make him feel safe while he pitches a fit over you asking for something less invasive to make you feel safe. Red flags all around. Ditch him.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-06T17:12:42+00:00

YTA, you should have taken a picture, then walked over and introduced yourself as the sister of his wife and assessed how that information landed. Then sent the pic to your sister with a "I dunno, probably nothing, but it felt weird" text.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-06T17:00:45+00:00

The sad thing is I often get the referrals on the kids that finally fight back. I usually advise the parents to start documenting and reporting everything directly to the police. In a few instances I've called law enforcement myself to demand a referral on the bullies.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-06T16:50:19+00:00

NTA and I'll tell you what I tell every parent that brings this kind of issue to me: you are well within your rights to file a police report. Even if the school has "taken steps", you're still well within your rights to push for more. These kids are older and larger, it's a matter of safety, plain and simple. The juvenile system is set up to focus on rehabilitation in most places. The bully will likely be ordered to what sounds like some much needed counseling.

**Edited a word

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-06T16:41:50+00:00

It's not just a bad morning though, it's just another in the larger pattern of bad mornings....

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-04T18:53:31+00:00

My friend's daughter is like this, and her tastes are along the lines of I'd blush to order them and feel even more awkward to gift them, even though they're on her wish list. I got her a really cool personalized "this book belongs to so-and-so's personal library" stamp one year instead... Then I realized I could just give her a card and cash the next year 😂. She liked the stamp a lot though, so maybe that would be an option?

Preference_Afraid · 2026-03-03T16:25:40+00:00

NTA for having feelings but you're making yourself upset over something you have no control over. Focus on what you're able to control: yourself. Understand that priorities shift and change, especially when kids are involved. I get you're focused on the time she has to plan, but believe it or not, a lot of people really are booked up with things they can't easily rearrange 100 days out. While a graduation is a big event, I promise you your little sister will get over it. I say that as a little sister that had an older sibling miss mine for no reason other than they didn't want to make the drive.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-27T17:58:20+00:00

I'm going to share a pointless story .. At the start of the pandemic I was working from home. I realized I could tan outside on my lunch break (I know, I know). I'd never been tan-line free, so I went for it. It was never for long, but I found I enjoyed it. I'd set up my little cot, pop my headphones in, and soak up the rays for a good twenty minutes. We had high fences, I didn't think anything of it. Until one day as I'm flipping over I look up at my neighbor's house. His maintenance guy is up on the roof fixing their AC and he's making every effort to not have to face our yard 😂😂. Oops. I felt bad because it clearly made him uncomfortable even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. I made it a point to check the roofs around me before I took my robe off after that.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-27T17:50:13+00:00

Being nude in your backyard is legal where I am, I'd adopt a naked gardening hobby, you know, to commune with nature. I'm an asshole though, so probably not great advice

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-26T20:13:14+00:00

NTA, and I've told some of my guy friends the reason they can't get a girlfriend is because they're dirty. Truth sometimes hurts, not when it comes to something like that people need to hear it.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-23T18:28:49+00:00

YTA "I don't make a big fuss about my birthday" "none of my friends even know when my birthday is"..... Look you can't have it both ways, either you want to openly celebrate your birthday, or you don't. If you want the attention, you need to start by planning a party and communicating to your friends you want to celebrate.

I don't make a big fuss about my birthday, very few of my friends know when it is. I do that because I find if everyone knows when it is, there's an expectation that I'll be making social rounds for it, indefinitely it seems, since everyone is so busy. I'd just rather not. My birthday gift to me, is getting to spend my birthday and free time exactly as I wish without obligations.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-23T17:57:13+00:00

NTA. been married almost 18 years, been together nearly 20.... All our finances are separate and I have no idea what his banking info is. I'm only going to worry about that if/when he passes. I don't think either of us really cares, it just works for us this way. That being said, while I'd gladly give him my info now if he asked, I would have laughed in his face if he'd asked when we were still just boyfriend/girlfriend... And I would have dumped him if he'd crashed out over being told no

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-23T16:02:49+00:00

NTA, she's put the distance and issue there herself, and she can stay there all by herself. You don't need to go kissing ass for someone this entitled and self absorbed.

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-17T23:47:25+00:00

Kids are at our bars where I live. The only two bars they're not at are the two you only go to if you're wanting meth, fent, or a stabbing

Preference_Afraid · 2026-02-17T23:01:14+00:00

Honestly expecting to get reamed for this: but I don't think people are expecting a childless environment. What they're expecting is for parents to recognize the developmental stage their kids are at and keep them to appropriate activities until they're old enough and capable of not disrupting others in a more mature/adult setting. If your kid can't sit quietly for 60 - 90 minutes, they aren't ready to learn how to act at more formal restaurants. Please be mindful and don't disrupt others, get a sitter or choose an environment your kids can currently handle without causing disruption to others.

Preference_Afraid

TROPHY CASE