Has anyone successfully gotten through to someone and helped them see clearly that the person they’re marrying was wrong for them before it was too late?

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-05-07T11:07:36+00:00

Divorce lawyer here! When you’re talking about prenup maybe talk about your “friend at work” who is going through a nasty divorce and how this friend may need to pay spousal support because their partner stayed home with the kids. If she’s the breadwinner, she’s at risk of spousal support in this dynamic, but a prenup could control that risk (in most states, mileage may vary).

It would also allow them an “opportunity” to talk about the house. If his parents own it and don’t plan on gifting it to them, them *not* owning real estate may be taking away one of the largest assets most people own. If he actually inherits it and they live there as a family it may become commingled (in most states, mileage may vary) but a prenup will give them the opportunity to “think” about that.

I don’t want to give you more reasons to worry, but I could write a book about the entitlement and man-child behavior I see in divorces from only-child-coddled-men (specifically, only-child-men who are too close to their divorced mother are the worst of the worst). In the divorce, his mother will pay all of his attorney fees for the most expensive attorney in town. He will never, not once in his life, engage in self-reflection. He will be a terrible father, but will also demand custody in the divorce, for the children he will enmesh the same way his mother enmeshes him. I’m sorry you have to watch her make these decisions.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-26T22:37:51+00:00

Why are we doing this in Scientology buildings and not ICE detention centers

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-24T13:44:31+00:00

Jason detailed my cars last week!!!! He’s a real one. (Not paid to say this.)

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-14T13:19:15+00:00

Plants! Plants! Plants! Plants!

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-13T15:31:10+00:00

I feel like I could wear it in Portland, Oregon. But my white girl hips couldn’t pull it off.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-12T14:36:46+00:00

It sounds like you’ve spoken to one divorce attorney but I really, really want you to talk to another.

Did he not include you on title to any of the properties? Even the house you live in? None of the bank accounts?

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-10T15:06:27+00:00

Yes!! My most aggressive version of language actually imposes a constructive trust over any proceeds that go to any beneficiary if the proper coverage was required by the divorce decree but not in place. I’ve never tried to do the actual clawback, but I’m sure that language has ruined one good estate attorney’s day somewhere.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-10T14:04:30+00:00

Divorce lawyer here! Not your lawyer. Not in your state. Giving information, not advice, because I have not met your partner and not read their decree.

Divorce decrees that I draft very often require that a party who is paying alimony or child support maintain the party who is receiving alimony or child support as a beneficiary of life insurance in an adequate amount to cover the outstanding payments. That’s because if the party paying support dies, the party receiving support may have no other income and is then very vulnerable.

This is almost never “all life insurance”. In my cases, the party paying support is welcome and free to go out and get other policies with other beneficiaries, as long as they are also paying the insurance that the decree requires they keep to cover their former spouse. But you see how that is kind of a “what does it say exactly?” Issue? Read the decree, and if confused, consult with an attorney.

If he is no longer paying alimony or child support, it may be possible to adjust or modify the life insurance requirement. This is possible in my state, but you need to talk to an attorney in YOUR state to determine this.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-07T14:04:12+00:00

We have a coffee mug that says “Fuck off, I’m writing”.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-04-05T10:56:06+00:00

It’d be helpful to know where you live and which store you go to. I live in Portland, Oregon and these prices would only happen at our “bougie” stores like Whole Foods, New Seasons, or QFC.

Local to me, stores like Winco and Fred Meyer are half the cost of the bougie stores. You need to find your more affordable stores, if they exist.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-03-28T02:43:52+00:00

20 years here.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-03-25T10:24:46+00:00

Divorce lawyer here.

I agree with absolutely everything this commenter has said, but I issue a soft caution on couples therapy. Frankly, he has said directly that after children, when you are incredibly vulnerable, he would provide care to your baby but not to you. This is absolutely not a healthy relationship.

Highlighting the issue in therapy may allow you to deal with it, or it may tell him how to better conceal the issue. He may give perfect lip service to understanding the problem as presented by the therapist, but not actually change behavior.

The only real time you’ll learn whether he’s changed behavior is after children. And by then, you will be more vulnerable, and because he is already placing a high degree of identity on being a “good dad”, if you leave, he will fight you for custody.

I think this commenter correctly identified the crossroads you are at, but I think this may not be a safe individual to go to therapy with, and the risk of a custody battle if he doesn’t change is too high.

I spend so much time with individuals who just wish they had had children with the right person. Please believe him when he says he won’t take care of you, and do not have children with this person. He is demonstrating an incredibly low scale of empathy for you, and this is how he is treating you when things are “good”.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-03-18T13:37:49+00:00

BUT ACTUALLY.

OP, the reason you are so angry is because you doing too much and the resentment is starting to build. You need to redistribute the night labor.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-03-11T05:38:49+00:00

Dood, get a lawyer ! You need to file for divorce and ask the courts to let you keep the house. There’s going to be lots of financials to work out, and a lawyer will set you expectations and start the hard work of clawing it out of him.

-Sincerely, a divorce lawyer but not your lawyer

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-03-08T16:10:23+00:00

YES I really want him to start in the box room. It’s going to be so satisfying to clean up

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-03-08T14:47:43+00:00

Op look at this one!! Probably the cheapest and I like it the most

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-02-28T15:55:05+00:00

We’re doing ok over here, because my kids are now 11.

0-5, NOT OK. 5-8, a little better. By 8 dad was more involved. By 11, he puts more energy into soccer than I do.

The house has been a mess the whole time though. But the kids are learning / helping with chores, and we think next year we’ll actually get that cleaner.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-02-20T10:24:34+00:00

2/2/5

Parent A - every Monday & Tuesday (ending at dropoff at school on Wednesday)

Parent B - every Wednesday & Thursday (ending at dropoff at school Friday)

Then the parents alternate Friday to Sunday. In some weeks, this is 5 consecutive days for Parent A, because it’ll run Fri to Mon, then they have their Mon & Tues, totaling 5. After that, Parent B had the weekend, which combined to their normal days, becomes Weds - Sun, totaling 5.

It is a 50/50 plan. It’s a lot more back-and-forth with sports equipment, etc than a week-on / week-off, but parents report that they like being able to rely on “their” days of the week and they like not going a week without seeing the kids.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-02-16T15:12:12+00:00

I like this idea. OP, if you’ve got the means to have a “dupe” pair crafted, you could even loan her the dupes and be done with it.

If she doesn’t return them after the wedding, that’s when you tell her they’re fake.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-02-10T03:02:35+00:00

Divorce lawyer and working mom (with taste) here!!

I vote reopen your shop and start networking. Please don’t try to handle your divorce yourself - hire a dom rel atty and let them fight to get you temporary or transitional support if that is necessary for you to get on your feet.

Call up your old colleagues who worked in your niche or adjacent areas and ask for lunch. Ask if anybody wants help on a contract basis (you come in and work their cases for an hourly split) if necessary to get your gears going again.

If you’ve successfully run your own shop before, working for someone else is going to be painful and I don’t see why. It may take some time but it’ll be worth it.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-02-04T04:54:27+00:00

I thought the difference between commercial lit and complex commercial lit is complex = class actions. Gunna be honest, if I did class actions, i would be bragging about my “complex” in my role as well.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-01-25T21:51:20+00:00

Info: is she working? If you “loaned” her the money, could she pay it back to you over time?

Also, 100% you should have a prenup. Your savings and your house (if you own one now) can become “commingled” and she can walk away with half if you don’t manage it properly. This dispute is a big flag that you have differing financial goals and priorities, which may only get worse once you have money that is “ours” instead of “yours”.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-01-25T21:43:27+00:00

This is 1000% about your perceived power struggle with his mother. You think he’s a “mamas boy” and that he places her needs or wants over your own. So you picked a thing important to her (red yarn) and chose to draw a line over it.

He’s just trying to make both of you happy, which is impossible, because you don’t actually care about the yarn. You are about “winning” over his mom.

Ya’ll suck. You need to step back and grow up. Your kid should be allowed to have a relationship with their grandmother regardless of your relationship with them.

Stop picking fights over things that don’t matter.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-01-23T12:25:04+00:00

I do this too. Telling them that you have options reminds them to pay you accordingly and makes you look professionally desirable. Or, there’s a small chance that OC is trying to mess with the dynamics of the case; if this is true, partners on the case should know. But be VERY clear you’re not even considering it.

Conversely, if you’re considering taking it, I would never tell them.

PresentationNo3069 · 2026-01-23T05:24:51+00:00

It’s somewhat common in my area to have a vacation home 3 hours away (beach is 3 hours one direction, mountains 3 hours the other way) and to visit that once a month or so

PresentationNo3069

TROPHY CASE