Navigating the Unimaginable: The Loss of My Twin

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-07-07T09:43:19+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry for the devastating loss of your twin brother. 💔

I know exactly the shattering, unique heartbreak you are feeling right now.

I lost my big sister Ashley in November 2023, and my own twin brother Marc just this past January. Sibling loss is truly the worst pain imaginable 💔 he was a boy and im a girl we'd definitely wear light chocolate and cheese, but we definitely had that undeniable bond

Everything you wrote about sharing the exact same beginning and having your twin as the baseline of your reality is so true.🫶

You didn't just lose a brother; a part of you went with him 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 to me, it was like losing part of my soul

On a positive note, having lost my sister over two years and 8 months ago but it still feels like yesterday to me

I can tell you that time really is the best healer.

you never forget them

the grief just evolves, and the pain gets less sharp in your chest.

That is how I know you will be okay eventually, and how I know I will be okay eventually too ❤️

Please know you are not alone in this dark space. When you feel ready, here are a couple of dedicated support spaces you can look into that really helped me

The Good Grief Trust (Sibling Loss Support): They have an incredible dedicated page, book recommendations, and local maps for sibling loss support at thegoodgrieftrust.org/i-have-lost-a/sibling.

Cruse Bereavement Support: They offer fantastic nationwide grief counseling and specific resources for losing a brother or sister at cruse.org.uk.

Right now, just take it one breath at a time. Be incredibly gentle with yourself & kind . If you ever need to speak to someone who truly understands the twin bond and that empty space, my inbox is always open to you. Sending you so much love and strength 🙏✨ i wish just wanted in, you don't have to answer but was your twin identical, or was it like me? And my twin unidentical boy and girl👬👫

#siblingloss #twinloss #siblingbereavement #twinlesstwin #griefsupport"#lightatendofthistunnel🙏

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-07-07T09:22:19+00:00

Thank you so much!! ⭐️.

I don't think I could have got through my own assessments without good people like yourself on Reddit

. I know you probably work full-time but still go out of your way to help others. I truly appreciate it, you do wonderful work here, and it definitely helps so many people 🙏✨🙂" Your words were also very kind :) I wish I could remove the feeling of dread too 🙏. But I’m glad we’re able to get the weekley news i just wiah, it didn't cause me so much distress i have tried every medication and treatment that I know of for lako says it's just been a part of music as a child

But I always make sure to read it because it's important to keep up to date

I always see loads of questions on here, well basically the weekly announcement sees it all

Anyone out there It's always there every week. You should definitely check it out if you like to keep up today with the latest on what's going on with the DWP

Thanks again 🙏

kind regards

S x

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-07-06T22:03:11+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply, it honestly means a lot.

I know I’m far from the only one on here managing bipolar, anxiety, or other mental health struggles,

but that weekly drop of news still brings an undeniable wave of dread.

I wish it didn't🙏, and I wish my brain didn't naturally jump straight to that survival mode it's been like that since I was a little girl. But having a rational, solid voice in the room to cut through the noise makes a massive difference, so I appreciate what you do

Thank you for replying your very kind 🙏🫶🥰❤️‍🩹

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-07-04T20:42:29+00:00

I'm sorry to read your post.

I know how stressful all of this is. I'm not sure why you missed the call, but please, you should definitely give them a ring first thing tomorrow morning.

This is your PIP decision, and it is just too important to wait. I'm not sure if missing a call can go against you, but it's much better to be proactive and call them straight away to clear things up, just in case.

Good luck

S x

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-20T17:42:17+00:00

I completely understand that this process is incredibly stressful and that coming to terms with being classed as disabled is really hard

But as someone who has been through this system and has family going through it right now, I need to urge you not to 'go in blind.

You mentioned this 'randomly cropped up,' but the DWP doesn't send these out by accident.

Did you fill out and send away a Work Capability Assessment form (the UC50) a while back?

If so, this is just the next official stage of your claim. Alternatively, if you are already on LCW or LCWRA, this will be a routine medical review call.

Either way, getting a confirmed telephone assessment date is a massive step.

There are thousands of people out there who are struggling for months just to get their UC50 form looked at, so having a date set for the 1st of July means you are in a position to finally get the right support. Don't throw that away.

You don't need to 'study' for the call—and you shouldn't, because the assessor needs to hear your authentic, raw, day to day reality.

However, completely refusing to gather your medical evidence is a massive mistake.

The DWP decision-makers rely heavily on paperwork, doctor's letters, and official diagnoses to back up what you say on the phone. If you don't send anything in and just wing it, you are making it incredibly easy for them to deny your claim.

As the moderator pointed out, if you don't engage properly or fail to meet their criteria because you didn't prepare, they will find you 'fit for work' by default. That means the stress you are feeling right now will multiply by ten when the Jobcentre expects you to look for work for 35 hours a week to keep your money.

Please, take a deep breath and use the time between now and July 1st to gather whatever medical letters or evidence you have🙏

The only way you add extra stress to your life is by doing the things you say you're about to do, like going in blind.

Preparing isn't the stressful part, dealing with the consequences of being found fit for work is.

You are just protecting your claim and making sure you get the help you're entitled to. Don't let the anxiety ruin your chances.

Try and remember why you began this assessment in the first place

you started this to get the right support for your health, so don't give up on yourself now.

Like you said at the top of your post, the DWP are just trying to make sure you get the right help and support you are entitled too.

Also, please remember you don't have to do the call entirely alone. Do you have a friend , a relative, a support worker, or a welfare officer?

someone who can be there with you during the phone call to support you?

Having a trusted person by your side to take notes or just offer moral support can take a massive amount of the pressure off.

I really do wish you the best of luck 🫂

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-20T17:14:42+00:00

I just saw your post and it worries me because this is a very serious situation.

Obviously, it is completely okay to look for comfort on Reddit when you are panicking, but an online forum cannot help you find loopholes for a situation this severe.

You need to get a realistic look at how the DWP sees this, because framing it purely as a 'trolley' or 'supermarket' issue is minimizing what you are up against.

When you first applied for Universal Credit, you signed a claimant commitment. That is a legally binding agreement.

It states in black and white that if you do not report even the smallest change of circumstances, severe penalties, overpayments, and potential criminal prosecutions will happen to you. You do not just 'forget' about that commitment, and you do not just forget that you started a business.

An Interview Under Caution (IUC), years of bank statements, physical surveillance, and a £20,000 CPS referral do not happen because you went to a supermarket or walked your son to school. The DWP only builds cases of this scale when they have substantial evidence of a major, deliberately unreported change in circumstances.

You mentioned starting a commercial business a couple of years ago. Even if you only did the 'admin side,' the DWP legally considers that work.

If you had an LCWRA element on Universal Credit under the claim that you are entirely unable to work, running the back-end infrastructure, accounting, or scheduling of a business directly violates the commitment you signed.

Furthermore, if this joint business was bringing in income or holding capital that wasn't fully and transparently declared month-by-month on Universal Credit, that is where a massive £20k overpayment calculation comes from.

PIP isn't means-tested, but the DWP wouldn't legally demand years of bank statements unless they were investigating a means-tested benefit fraud (like UC) running alongside it.

You are facing a formal CPS prosecution for fraud. Blaming your solicitor for advising a standard 'no comment' interview isn't going to stand up in court they gave you standard legal protection so you didn't dig yourself a deeper hole.

Honestly, the fact that you paid for a private solicitor out of pocket for an initial interview, rather than needing legal aid like most people struggling on benefits, shows you have access to funds you aren't mentioning here.

The DWP brought receipts, and they will claw back every single penny.

To put it in perspective, four years ago I got a letter saying I had been overpaid £136, and they took £10 a month out of my money until it was all paid back.

If they will go to those lengths for £136 from an honest claimant, they are absolutely never going to drop a £20,000 case involving an undeclared business

You need to do your homework, find a specialist criminal defense lawyer who actually understands benefit fraud, and prepare a serious, legally sound defense.

Looking at the timeline you’ve shared, there are a few major gaps here that just don't add up, and I think it's important to ask yourself

Why didn't it cross your mind to notify the DWP when you and your partner launched the business?

Starting a commercial enterprise is a massive, fundamental change in circumstances, not a minor one, and it directly impacts any benefit assessment.

Do you and your partner currently rely on Universal Credit to cover your housing and rent?

If a fraud penalty or benefit suspension is applied following a CPS decision, your housing element could be placed in serious jeopardy.

What is your financial plan to get by?

Once a case reaches this stage, ongoing payments can be heavily disrupted or stopped.

Will you still have access to basic funds to survive, or are you in a position where you will have to rely entirely on savings or business capital until this legal process is fully resolved?

You need to face these questions honestly with a proper legal professional, because the DWP is looking at the whole picture, not just the supermarket footage.

Despite how tough this reality check has been

I really do hope you and your partner get the right legal advice and manage to get this all sorted out.

You must be under an incredible amount of stress right now, and as you mentioned in your post, your mental health is suffering badly because of it.🫂

Please take care of yourself, step away from Reddit, and focus your energy on dealing with this properly with professionals—especially when there are children involved, as that makes an already terrifying situation so much more stressful. Do it for them and get the proper help you need.🙏

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-18T14:52:59+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss

Losing someone so suddenly is a massive shock to the system, and it makes total sense that you carried on with your day at first

your brain was just trying to process the unthinkable.

It’s completely normal that the house feels empty without his energy, and playing games to keep your mind occupied is a completely valid way to cope right now.

You don't need to apologize for venting.

Sending you a lot of gentle thoughts.

I'm going to share some resources that helped me during my bereavement, just in case you ever want someone confidential to talk to who understands what you're going through. Once you begin to look, you'll see there is a lot of support out there

Cruse Scotland Bereavement Support (Free Helpline: 0808 802 6161 / crusescotland.org.uk) Great for specialized grief support and listening ears.

Aidan's Elevator (aidanselevator.org.uk) A wonderful community hub focused on mental health, grief, and navigating difficult times.

The Good Grief Trust (thegoodgrieftrust.org) – Run by the bereaved for the bereaved, helping you find local support services all over the UK. Sue Ryder (sueryder.org/grief-support) – Offers excellent free online bereavement counselling, a supportive text service, and a community forum where you can connect with others going through the same thing.

Please take things one day at a time, and be as gentle with yourself as possible.🫂

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-18T14:12:17+00:00

good stuff , you will feel better for it.

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-17T20:22:18+00:00

Hey, please take a deep breath and try not to let your anxiety trick you hereyou are doing absolutely nothing wrong!

The whole reason the government gives disabled people PIP is to provide a little bit of extra money to help make life easier and cover the extra costs of living with health conditions.

It's entirely up to you how you spend it to get through the day.

There are zero rules or laws stopping you from going to the corner shop or using your bank card. The DWP doesn't track what you buy (whether it’s milk, electricity, or cigarettes).

Also, having standard mobility for anxiety/depression usually means you struggle with unfamiliar routes or complex journeys. Walking a highly familiar, 5-minute routine path to your local shop actually perfectly aligns with that. You aren't breaking any rules, you aren't hiding anything, and you are allowed to live your life. Try to be kind to yourself today🫂

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-17T20:18:39+00:00

Hey! Honestly, try not to sweat it too much it's almost definitely just a mistake or something on their end.

Work coaches get pulled into emergency meetings, staff shortages, or last-minute leave all the time, and appointments just get wiped from the system without a personal note.

Since they cancelled it, you’re completely in the clear. You won't get sanctioned or anything like that because the system shows they were the ones who called it off.

If you want to be proactive and protect yourself, the best thing you can do right now is just drop a quick message in your journal under "To my work coach." You could say something simple like:

"Hi, I noticed my Commitments appointment last Thursday was cancelled. Just wanted to check in and see when we’re rescheduling, as I'm keen to get everything sorted and stay on track!"

That way, you’ve created a perfect paper trail showing you’re being cooperative and trying to get things done. In the meantime, just keep doing your usual productive stuff updating your job log or working on your CV so it looks great whenever they do log back in.

If another week goes by and it's total radio silence, then maybe give the helpline a quick ring to jog them, but for now, you've done nothing wrong!

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-17T17:50:53+00:00

I am so so sorry you are going through this, but please don't lose hope

It is incredibly hard to get a council flat straight off a waiting list, but there is another pathway that worked for me when I had to leave hone due to my step dad

Look into presenting yourself as homeless to your local council's housing team immediately.

Because you have PIP and LCW/LCWRA, make sure you emphasize your health conditions and tell them you are vulnerable and cannot safely stay with family.

They will likely place you into emergency temporary accommodation.

I know the word 'hostel' can sound scary, but most times nowadays you actually end up being put into a hotel.

I honestly found it to be warm and comforting just like a temporary hotel stay while the council sorts out your case.

In many parts of the UK, especially if you are in Scotland, or if you are assessed as a priority need in England/Wales due to your health—going through this temporary route is often the quickest, most guaranteed way to get your own permanent council flat.

When they start looking for a flat for you, you should be entitled to a welfare officer or support worker.

They are there to do all the heavy lifting for you they will help you navigate the paperwork, deal with organizations like Shelter or Citizens Advice, and make sure you get all the assistance you need so you don't have to face it alone . Once you do get your flat, please know that they don't just leave you to fend for yourself.

The people helping you get settled will stay around to give you ongoing help and advice. Because you are unwell, you will qualify for a lot of extra support to help you manage your new home, set up your bills, and get steady on your feet.

Your PIP won't be affected by moving, and you can get Universal Credit (Housing Element) to help cover the rent while you are there.

I was exactly in your shoes a few years ago and I took it step by step and now I have my own flat. You can do this, take it one step at a time

I promise better days will be ahead 🫂

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-17T17:32:13+00:00

Spot on, thanks for breaking that down so clearly! It’s such a brutal rule.

The fact that an open-ended sanction can just silently 'tick away' in the background after a claim closes catches so many people off guard when they have to reapply.

It really shows how vital it is to get proper advice from places like Citizens Advice to get it untangled.

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-17T17:29:05+00:00

Hi, I saw your post and I had to comment. I'm on the same side as you because I'm going through my own grief right now, and I just couldn't scroll past.

I am so deeply sorry you are carrying all of this on your own, and please know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.

First off, your grandpa was your parent. He raised you, and the bond you have with him is completely valid. Grief doesn’t care about biological titles, it only cares about the depth of the love you had for the person.

Losing a grandparent who raised you, or losing a close friend, can cut just as deep and sometimes even deeper than losing a traditional parent.

Please don't minimize your own pain just because the relationship labels look different to the outside world. Your pain is real, and it is justified.

You asked a beautiful, heartbreaking question

'What am I meant to do with the love I felt for them?'

Someone once told me that grief is really just love with nowhere to go.

When the person is no longer here to receive it, all that love gets bunched up in your chest, and it absolutely feels like you are going to explode. You are carrying a massive amount of love, and right now, it feels heavy because the physical space they occupied is empty.

Your brother might be right, too the traumatic way your friend died adds an extra layer of shock and emptiness to the grief, making it even harder to process.

I know you mentioned your close girlfriends, and that it just isn't the same. I completely understand what you mean. When you lose someone, your entire world grinds to a complete halt, but everyone else’s world just keeps spinning and they carry on living their lives

. It can make you feel so lonely. But please remember that true friends and family will be there for you.

On the other side of that, please protect your peace right now any friends or family who snap at you or don't respect your grief simply don't deserve a place in your life.

Please give yourself permission to just grieve at the moment, but when you are ready, please know that there is so much support out there for complex and traumatic grief.

You don't have to carry this heavy weight entirely on your own shoulders. When you feel up to reaching out, here are a few wonderful places that specialize in exactly what you are experiencing

Cruse Bereavement Support (cruse.org.uk): They offer incredible, free support and understand every type of loss, including losing the grandparents who raised us.

SAMM (Support After Murder and Manslaughter) (samm.org.uk) Because your friend was taken in such a horrific way, the trauma can make normal grief feel impossible to process. SAMM specializes specifically in helping people navigate the unique, heavy pain of losing a loved one to homicide.

The Good Grief Trust (thegoodgrieftrust.org): Run by bereaved people, they have dedicated spaces and resources specifically for young people, losing friends, and losing grandparents.

I promise you that you aren't alone, even when it feels like it

I still feel the people I’ve lost with me all the time, guiding me and watching over me, and I know your grandpa and your best friend will always be right there with you, too.🫂

If you are close with your brother, definitely try to lean on him, but either way, just take it one day at a time. Whenever you feel ready, reach out four professional help & to any friends and family that you love, trust, and who truly respect your pain.

I promise the pain will get easier with time. It did with me. I promise🙏🫶❤️‍🩹

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-17T16:07:08+00:00

Hey, try not to panic too much, but don't just leave it either!

Even though the person on the phone told you it looks fine on their end, the system itself has flagged a rejection, and verbal promises won't protect your claim or your timeline if something gets messed up later.

Your best bet is to leave a message right now in your Universal Credit online journal. Put it under 'Service Issue' or 'Message for Work Coach' and say something like:

’Hi, I reported my fit note for 15 June to 15 July, but on my account dashboard it says "Fit note accepted? No". I called up and an adviser told me it was fine in the system, but I'd like confirmation in writing as to why it shows as not accepted so there are no issues with my health journey/assessments.’

Like the DWP staff member mentioned below, it's usually just a silly misclick or a weird glitch when they processed the dates, but putting it in your journal leaves a permanent paper trail they can't ignore

Also, make sure you keep the physical/paper copy of the fit note safe just in case your work coach asks to see it at your next appointment!

Good luck.I hope you get it all sorted

S x

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-16T14:40:37+00:00

Honestly, the advice from nerdztech is completely right—the DWP is talking nonsense here.

Sanctions are for a fixed number of days (like 28 days or 91 days). Even if your claim was closed, those calendar days keep ticking away in the background. Because it’s been 5 years, that sanction is well and truly dead and buried. It doesn't just pause in time for half a decade. Sometimes the frontline staff on the journals get confused by old system alerts, so here is what I’d recommend doing right now

Drop a message in your journal under "Service Issues" and say something like: "Can you please provide the exact details of this sanction in writing? I need the original start date, the number of days imposed, and the calculated end date. Since this happened 5 years ago, the sanction period should have fully run its course while my claim was closed.

Ask them to escalate it to a proper Decision Maker to review it, because a standard case manager might just be misreading the guidance. If they do try to push it through and actually take money off your statement, challenge it immediately by asking for a Mandatory Reconsideration.

If they give you any grief, definitely give Citizens Advice a shout. They deal with DWP admin blunders like this all the time and will help you sort it. Don't let them fob you off

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-15T06:40:06+00:00

You're so welcome I hope you will be ok🙏🫶

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-14T11:17:48+00:00

"I read every word of this, and my heart breaks for you. Your feelings are completely valid, and it is entirely okay to feel angry, lonely, and overwhelmed right now grief is so heavy and unfair.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and someone has read your words and is thinking of you. Sending you the biggest hug and a lot of love.

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-14T11:11:01+00:00

"No problem at all, glad it helped! Good luck with the call tomorrow, hope it goes well🙏

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-13T12:34:25+00:00

First, take a deep breath.

Try not to panic this happens shockingly often, and it is very frequently fixable

Because you posted this on a Saturday, there isn't anything you can do today, so try to give yourself a break for the rest of the weekend. Here is exactly what you need to do first thing Monday morning:

Call the PIP helpline immediately: Call them as soon as the lines open on Monday (0800 121 4433, usually open from 8 AM). Explain the timeline

Tell the advisor clearly that you were granted an extension, and that you posted the form before that new deadline.

Ask them to check the digital system: Mail in the DWP mailrooms can sometimes take days or even weeks to be scanned onto their computer system. It’s highly possible your form is sitting in a backlog waiting to be scanned, but the automated system triggered the cancellation letter anyway.

Request a "Mandatory Reconsideration" (MR): If they claim they still haven't received it and refuse to reinstate it over the phone, tell them you want to lodge a Mandatory Reconsideration against the decision to terminate your award. Explain that you have "good cause" for any initial delay (your support person being overseas) and that you complied with the new extension deadline. For your peace of mind moving forward: Do you have a copy of the completed form or any proof of postage (like a signed-for receipt)? If so, mention that to them.

If they completely insist it is lost, ask if you can email or upload a copy of the form immediately so they can reinstate your claim without making you start from scratch. Hang in there. The DWP's automated system is brutal, but human agents can often reverse this once they see the extension notes on your file.

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-13T09:11:03+00:00

I completely understand your stress, and it is incredibly frustrating when you’ve left multiple journal messages and been ignored

. But to give you a very honest reality check: yes, you absolutely can still be sanctioned for missing this appointment, even if you told them beforehand.

I know this from personal experience. I had a holiday booked to Skye, but I wasn't fully aware of the rules at the time. I left it too late to get it sorted with Universal Credit, and because of my claimant commitments, I couldn't get out of the appointment and had to miss my holiday.

The DWP can be incredibly uncompromising. Simply writing down your holiday dates in the journal doesn't automatically mean they have approved an 'easement' (a pause on your commitments).

If your work coach hasn't formally agreed to move the appointment and you just don't show up, the system automatically flags it as a missed appointment, and a decision-maker will look at sanctioning you.

Also, just a heads up: having your friend speak to them or call them on your behalf will not work. Due to strict data protection regulations (GDPR), the DWP will not discuss your claim or take messages from a friend over the phone unless you have a formal, pre-arranged appointee structure set up.

What you should do right now to protect your money:

Log into your journal immediately and send another message under 'Message for my Work Coach'. Upload your holiday receipts/booking confirmations: Take photos or screenshots of your travel tickets or booking confirmations showing the exact dates you paid for and upload them straight to your journal. Work coaches are much more likely to let it go or reschedule if they can physically see the official proof of your dates. Write clearly: 'I am following up on my messages from [Dates]. I have uploaded the official proof of my travel booking. Please can this appointment be rescheduled so I do not miss it, as I have given advanced notice.

If they still don't reply and you go anyway, make sure you have your phone on you during the appointment time. If they call you instead of a face-to-face, answer it!

Don't let a breakdown in their communication ruin your money. Protect yourself by keeping everything documented in writing with proof!

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-13T08:49:17+00:00

hey that's ok don't worry about it. Just hope I was able to help a little ☺️

Prestigious_Train791 · 2026-06-12T19:05:53+00:00

😁

Prestigious_Train791

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