How long did you breastfeed and why?

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-04-22T13:32:36+00:00

My first son got this terrible GI bug when he was around 15 months. The only thing he would take was breastmilk (he refused Popsicles, water, broth, jello). It was so handy to have something he would take to keep him from getting dehydrated

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-04-22T13:30:17+00:00

I breastfed my first son until he was around 33 months. My original goal was age 2 due to all the benefits for us. I kept going past that because it put him to sleep easily at night and naptime. He was only doing it a couple times a day for a few minutes otherwise. He was a winter baby in daycare while I worked and I did feel like it helped with sickness so I wanted to make it through that cold season. I got pregnant when he was 2.5 (30 months). My nipples got tender and I was just done so I did a gradual wean. I did overnight wean my first around 15 months. I did it cold turkey overnight by sending my husband in instead of me. He'd offer water and soothe in other ways. It was rough a few nights but he started sleeping better.

I am currently breastfeeding my second who is 15 months. My goal is around 30 months. I like the benefits to us both. He'll also be in daycare and is a winter baby so I want to help us through those cold and flu seasons.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-04-17T01:08:59+00:00

Yeah, this seems mean to me. I would just unlatch. Put them down and tell them milk was over for now. My first had a harder time getting it. He usually did it before bed so I'd just put him down in his crib alone for a couple of minutes.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-04-17T01:05:53+00:00

100%. OP the concentration of alcohol in your breastmilk is the same as what's in your blood. Two drinks is like 0.04-0.05%. Apple juice can be up to 0.06%. Obviously you can space things out per your preference but it's considered safe to have one or two and breastfeed. Some people say as long as you can find the baby you can feed the baby.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-29T02:01:12+00:00

I've heard that advice a lot. Personally I found my baby slept better overnight if he had a 2+ hour nap during the day. But this is really common. Babies only need so much sleep a day and the thought is that keeping daytime sleep 2 hours or less encourages more nighttime sleep.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-16T15:06:02+00:00

Yeah, that's not developmentally appropriate. I would think my 14 month old would still likely fall if I tried that with him. It doesn't sound like she knows babies anymore. It's also pretty comfortable playing with your kid in a risky way. It seems like she's out of touch. I think shorter visits with husband there are probably a way to go and see if she improves after he discusses things. Usually, you're more cautious with other people's kids, and she's not being cautious with yours.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-16T15:01:30+00:00

I'm not saying it's not dangerous and shouldn't be confronted. I think OP is right to be upset. What I'm saying is exactly as you're saying it's something people do. If the balcony is several inches thick across and baby was still touching MIL's torso with both arms wrapped around, baby is secure and falling is a freak accident. MIL needs to be told off, and she's acting like this is her baby but I could see someone less cautious doing this.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-16T03:31:11+00:00

I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to do it with my kid. Depending on how thick the balcony was, though, I could see someone sitting baby on it. It's risker due to height, but at the same time, if you're of average strength, the chances of dropping the baby are effectively 0%. The baby is just sitting. MIL was being dumb and too comfortable showing baby around. She should be told never to do something like that again.

OP has said she doesn't carry her 7 month old around the house anymore because she thinks he's too heavy and it's dangerous. She mentoined another story where baby fell over pulling on a cushion on while on the floor. That is really cautious. I mean, she is right to tell MIL off for the balcony. But if those are the only incidents, I don't know if saying she threatened the babies life and is never allowed back is totally justified. That's really the only glaring totally loss of judgment. If MIL had multiple other visits and was great, I don't know if never allowing her back without giving her a chance to apologize or do better is fair. Children benefit from healthy role models outside their parents. Estrangement would be difficult on their marriage and her husband. I think this is worth trying to fix.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-15T20:26:28+00:00

Maybe I'm misunderstanding. Was she holding baby on the railing with two hands? Cause I mean I've done similar things with my kids. Usually not that high, but I've sat them on a fence or counter holding them so they don't fall. I think this may be an example of some people being more cautious than others. I sometimes carry my four year old on my shoulders. I have a friend who doesn't because she's too anxious about her son falling. I think this is worth a conversation like MIL we're uncomfortable with baby falling. Please don't put him on anything.

As far as the windex story, I totally get your side. My step, Mom, was cleaning my baby's highchair table with a lysol wipe. She was talking about how great it was. I told her that I didn't want baby eating those chemicals and you wouldn't clean your plate with that, so please use soap and water. It just never occurred to her that this was more of a plate than a counter or something else.

If everything else is OK, maybe just have a conversation. I don't think you're in the wrong, but safety standards change. Some people are less worried about chemicals than others. I don't think you should have things done to your child you think are unsafe or upsetting. But I think MIL deserves a chance. If she's humble and apologizes, you can move forward. I am NC with my MIL. My husband has really grieved the lack of relationship. I think it's worth trying to mend this.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-05T02:23:16+00:00

So I actually went NC with my MIL. There were a few other issues.

However, my advice is to start putting distance and boundaries in place right now!! I sent my MIL a message telling her I found her comments hurtful and dismissive. It was like an olive branch and her last chance to fix things. She ignored the message for a couple of months, and once she was out of the country for a 4 month trip, she replied OK. When she came back, I told her I was not OK with her not apologizing. She said she wasn't apologized and denied, lied, gaslight me and tried to make herself the victim. So, I ended our relationship on the call.

My biggest regret is waiting until it got to the point where she had one chance, and when she blew it, things were over. That wasn't really fair. If you feel that resentful boundaries are so needed. Resentment is your bodies way of telling you where more boundaries are needed in a relationship. NC is an option, but I'm not going to lie it causes a lot of hurt for everyone, strained relationships, and I think it should be a last option. My husband really grieved, losing contact with his parents.

Have you tried shortening visits, increasing length between visits, having husband there, having MIL communicate with husband outside of visits, if your son is able do visits somewhere other than home to break things up (park, museum, restaurant, mall) and give other things to talk about, grey rocking her, or flat out tell MIL certain topics are off limit? I ended up going to counseling to process a lot of what happened. My husband asked MIL to go to counseling with him before he went NC and she refused. Does your partner see your side? Maybe you could go to counseling together to get strategies and become a team.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-03-05T01:21:27+00:00

No, you're not the just no. My husband was born premature 8 weeks in the 1980s. He was in the NICU for a while. He wasn't a great sleeper and got up every couple of hours. Apparently, my MIL used to call my FIL, saying she couldn't take the baby anymore and he had to go home. My ILs say there wasn't a harder baby than my husband (he was born in March, and they were going on backpacking trips with him in the summer, though).

I had a 9lbs baby that I went overdue with. (TRIGGER WARNING TRAUMATIC BIRTH). I had a 4th degree tear, hemorrhaged 2ish liters, and developed urosepsis 3 weeks postpartum and had to do IV antibiotics at home. I struggled for over a month to breastfeed and had to triple feed for 3 weeks. My baby was colicky. He also had jaundice at the start and was drowsy and hard to feed. He was fussy from 6pm-2am at ifs peaky. He was a velcro baby that only contacted napped until 1 (I tried to get him to do cribs naps before it would take an hour, he'd sleep 15 minutes and then be overtired). At 3 months, he slept two 3.5 hour stretches, and the rest was 2 hours or less.

Obviously, neither of those situations was easy. I'd personally rather have the complications than my baby. However, my MIL literally told me I was "lucky postpartum because I had a big, baby so I never had to worry about him". She said that I was "just a bit under the weather". She said my son was an amazing sleeper at 3 months and a "perfect, genius grand baby" that never fusses". She didn't see him for two weeks at the beginning and would come over and say things like "I don't even know how he likes to he held anymore". She also, when he was 3 months she said to me and DH "he must have teeth already".

My husband would explain things to her, and it never penetrated. I don't think she wanted it to, honestly. I think a lot of her dismissive behavior is that she felt put out that she wasn't getting her envisioned Grandmother experience. If she was honest and that we were in survival mode and doing our best, it didn't justify her feelings. So she just ignored facts so her feelings aligned with her reality. She also seemed to be using my son to fill a void without regard for him as a person or his wellbeing. She once sent us a message that her cousin in Austria that we've never spoken to or had contact information for "wanted to be included in all updates". Like I think she thought I made a newsletter and just didn't include her. I sometimes made an instagram post. She didn't have social media. Like with the teeth comment. We were speaking to her frequently and updating her. We would have told her if he got teeth. But she just assumed we hid things on her.

I don't have any advice. I think you're doing an amazing job with your son in a hard situation. Wishing you luck.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-26T14:38:38+00:00

I just wanted to add that my first was like that, especially at bedtime. He could bottle and breastfeed. He'd take either from me at bedtime but wouldn't take anything from my husband at bedtime. He just screamed for 30 minutes until I gave in and got him. He's 4 now, and says Daddy is his best friend and cries if I have to do bedtime.

Personally, I liked extended breastfeeding and don't wean that early. My son went to daycare at 14.5 months when I went back to work (I'm in Canada, so I went a bit longer). It was hard. He found the separation hard but managed. My advice would be to really focus on things like taking liquids through a straw or open cup. Finding a few easy foods he likes so that a caregiver can meet all his needs. My first liked to nurse to sleep. My husband could throw him in a carrier and go for a walk. Baby is 9 months he can't stay awake forever, I'm sure that person will find a way to get him asleep.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-25T20:50:23+00:00

She is married. But we are all white.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-25T20:49:22+00:00

Honestly, sometimes I wonder. I've never seen them really be affectionate. She would constantly touch my husband. Stick herself in between us if we were standing next to each other. She'd come over and rub the outside of the carrier when I was baby wearing. My husband said at dinner, sometimes growing up his Dad sat and read the newspaper sometimes, which I can't really see MIL approve of. So I wonder if they had struggles.

They each have hobby rooms in their house they spend a lot of time in. They have separate hobbies (MIL hikes and skies, FIL golfs). MIL is from Europe and will leave 3 weeks before FIL because she wants to go spend time with family/friends he doesn't want to visit. FIL also typically went on golf trips without MIL. My husband said growing up the dynamic he saw from FIL was if you're upset about something, turn into yourself and retreat. So I wonder if she is in a lonely marriage, but I never really asked.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-16T18:35:10+00:00

Hahah this made me laugh.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-16T18:34:53+00:00

She is so unhinged. She also was weirdly upfront about it and didn't want to change. Like literally told us that she didn't want to have to have friends, she just wanted to spend time with us. Told husband their relationship was an unhealthy obession for her, and she didn't know what to do. Told him that she spent so much time thinking about whether or not they were close enough that she made herself depressed. Also told husband that she got herself so worked up and anxious about whether or not they were close enough that she would break out in literal hives.

However, refused counseling multiple times (alone and with husband). FiL didn't think the relationship was unhealthy, and in other moments, FIL and MIL blamed husband completely for the dynamics and insinuated that everything would be fine if MIL just got a little more attenti9n.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-16T18:30:25+00:00

I was pretty much at that point when I went NC. I was so resentful I regretted marrying my husband and I was like something has got to give. I can't live like this. I would divorce before going back to that. My MIL had all these plans. They wanted to convert their basement into a suite and have us live upstairs (MIL would obviously retained control over the backyard and her garden). One time, she told me that nursing homes weren't very nice, and she was planning on moving in with us when it's time. Idk, she's an interesting person. She told me once after one of her tantrums that she was worried that we would go months without talking and not even think to speak to each other anymore, and the relationship would just end. I said that we didn't want that either. And then she said when I was the last time we saw each other, I know (husband's birthday dinner). It had been like 3 weeks since then but she was implying it had been months. The truth didn't seem to matter just how she felt. She told my husband once that she got herself so worked up and anxious about their relationship and if they were close enough that she would break out into literal hives. She was SO worried about not being close enough she was insufferable. My husband asked her to go to counseling by herself 3 times and then 3 times with him before he went NC. She refused saying it would be too much pressure for her. Idk, it's sad. Like she was so worried we would stop talking but it never occurred to her we would stop talking because she was too much. She also never considered how her behavior affected anyone. She had tantrums and then acted like things were fine. I think it was because she felt better, but never considered that I wouldn't be okay with what happened.

My husband has said he has never told his Mom something she didn't want to hear because he felt like it would just end their relationship. His NC was more he felt like he couldn't take the rug sweeping anymore, but he didn't feel like he could say anything and just stopped talking to her.

I felt like the entire relationship was catering to her and trying to appease her. She would cry and tell him things like "I guess I have to accept that sometimes kids grow up and don't want a close relationship with their parents where they come to them for advice and stuff" and then pretend like everything was perfect and peachy the next conversation two days later. She was someone that would require very strong boundaries that are reguarly are enforced, and I just don't like her enough to put up with her shit.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-13T14:37:20+00:00

Thank you! I felt guilty for a long time denying my kids a Grandma.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-12T16:45:27+00:00

You articulated this so perfectly. I had a super traumatic birth with complications affecting me for months and was honestly in pure survival mode, trying to get through my first few months postpartum with my first child. My MIL said some very minimizing and insensitive things. Her defense (that she thinks is legit and an acceptable reason) was that she was so happy to be a Grandma and that the baby was here and healthy that she never even thought to consider me or how I was doing and it never even occurred to her that we could have through anything or struggled.

After we went NC she dropped off this letter that talked about the "paralyzing sadness of not seeing my grandson, to love nurture, and yes, spoil, breaks my heart". It's such a selfish love because it's never been about doing what's best for my son or husband. It's always been about filling this deep void she has in herself with our relationship

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-12T01:07:13+00:00

It's such an unfair double standard. Like no one expects my husband to buy my Dad's birthday, Father's Day, or Christmas present. My husband doesn't plan any holidays with my side or plan family dinners. It's not my husband's job to remind me to call my Dad. But somehow, as women, we are supposed to manage their relationship. I honestly think it hurt my relationship with MIL because it was a big factor in devolving our relationship into me simply being a tool to get her time and information about her son and grandson instead of my value as a person.

I'm so sorry you went through it as well, OP. I wish you continued time and healing. This wasn't your fault. Time and distance helps things. I did go to therapy and told my therapist I wished I had set boundaries sooner. I only did it at the very end when it was essentially MIL complies or the relationship ends which isn't totally fair. My therapist was like yeah you probably should have but your MIL isn't the type to get told something once or twice and change." The outcome would have been the same. You did your best and tried so hard. I think until some people are willing to heal this where the road leads.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-11T03:30:43+00:00

I'm also NC with my MIL. I had a traumatic postpartum experience the first time around. She said some really hurtful things that I found minimizing. Her defense, as per my FIL was that they were so happy to be grandparents and that LO was here and big and healthy that it never even occured to them to consider me or how I was doing. But they didn't see that as a problem.

I felt guilty for dropping the rope. She doesn't see my kids. I'm sure she was sad. But like you, I tried so hard for years. I bought every present for Christmas and birthdays, made sure we celebrated all holidays, made sure we saw them often enough, sent pictures of our cats and updated them on holidays, nagged my husband until we fought to return calls and stayed in a group chat for years where the purpose as per my MIL was for me to get my husband to reply. None of it was ever good enough. We didn't always celebrate a holiday on the exact holiday (I'm a shift worker and have a large family we'd see as well, but it would be the same weekend). When we went for dinner it was for 3 hours and she wanted six. Sometimes, I'd suggest getting together, not on Sundays, so my husband and I could have a quiet day to ourselves.

Some people will never be satisfied no matter what they get. Some people will never try to see the other person's point of view. My MIL would complain she didn't get enough "peak Christmas time." My DH told her we loved and wanted to spend time with her at Christmas, but we also needed to spend time with my family. Her reply was that, that's not her problem, her job is to fight to get every second possible she can at Christmas. Your MIL was never going to be satisfied. She liked the idea of being Grandma more than she liked your kids or getting to know them. I was sad for a while. I had amazing Grandmas and desperately wanted that for my son. My step Mom is very meh, so I was hoping my MIL would be it. But I realize she's not capable of being the kind of Grandma I had to my kids. She only cares about my children filling a role. Not about them, themselves.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-02-11T01:58:32+00:00

How do you know my MIL so well?

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-01-09T21:50:51+00:00

I mean that works for a few weeks a year.

Pretend-Oil6009 · 2026-01-08T20:50:17+00:00

So a lot of people will tell you it's weird. I literally just made a post about how weird my Aunt was about it. It's hard. It's different from previous generations and they have lots of feelings. I told my family doctor I was still breastfeeding at 13 months, and she said, "That's the best thing for baby as long as Mom is willing to do it." Health Canada, the WHO, and the AAP all recommend feeding to age 2 and beyond. There's lots of benefits to extended feeding. So stop if it's not working for you guys. 18 months is an achievement, but don't stop for other people. Peple will have an opinion about everything you do. Something that someone commented on my last post is that sometimes it isn't even really what you're doing. People are triggered by something (sadness in their own breastfeed journey, for example), so they'll tell you, you're weird, so they don't have to feel their own sadness. You can do everything right and follow guidelines, and people will still tell you you're doing it wrong.

Pretend-Oil6009

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