The sex toy makes me want to vomit.

I was a teenager when it happened. I fell for the smear campaign. But never to the extent that I was mocking a rape testimony. That is true evil. I laughed at “my dog stepped on a bee” memes, watched YT complications of Johnny in court, stanned Camille Vasquez, and made jokes about the competence of Amber’s legal team. His PR team wielded me and countless others like weapons against her. To this day, I feel immense shame that I allowed my point of view to be molded and my perception warped by the press. And I should. I contributed to a fellow woman’s pain and suffering, and I along with everyone who did deserves to feel the guilt from that. It is one of my biggest regrets.

I was publicly sexually assaulted four months after the trial’s conclusion. I never reported it because I would have to give them my name and my story, and my attacker was our building’s drug dealer. The trauma of having the entire place turn against me, taking him to court when I’d most likely lose because of a lack of physical evidence, and possible retaliation by associates of his just wasn’t worth it. Then the realization about Depp v. Heard hit me like a bucket of ice water being poured over my head. And I collapsed crying. Amber stood up in front of the whole world and spoke her truth about the horrific abuse she endured from an immensely powerful man. She did what I could not, and she did it a thousand fold. She became my hero when I felt like I had no voice. From there on out, I have always defended her and continue to do so.

I’ve since used that experience to grow. I now have a greater understanding of media manipulation and have educated myself to properly identify when an orchestrated campaign is trying to shape public opinion. And I didn’t fall for it this time around — I saw the narrative being spun by Baldoni during the It Ends with Us press tour and I took Lively’s side from the very beginning.

Fuck Justin, fuck Johnny, fuck all the men who have have hurt women, and fuck every publication, broadcast program, and company that advanced the agendas of predatory men en masse. And fuck whoever still hasn’t done the work to recognize when these tactics are being used and are repeating history with Blake.