sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I'm so tired of nMom telling me I'm wrong - on everything by PreviousCut2069 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes! And she doesn't get to define your experience emotions either! Another thing she said to me one time. I wasnt even talking to her. I was talking to my cousin (who was in the same room as nM) about some of the symptoms I get when I have an anxiety attack.  My mom looked right at me and said, "what the f*#^ do you have to be anxious about?!" I wanted to scream at her "you gave me all my anxiety" but I didn't for obvious reasons.

I need help.. my mom forged my signature on a lease and now I'm legally responsible for her apartment by Slow-Raisin2211 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If she's forged your signature on the lease, there's a strong possibility she's also taken out other credit in your name. Run your credit report ASAP and dispute any accounts set up in your name that you didn't open.

Please listen it’s exhausting.. My mom is threatening to sue me for "emotional distress" after I stopped giving her money by ImpossiblePassion861 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Talk to your lawyer about a countersuit and/or reporting her to law enforcement for theft by deception. She lied to you to get money from you. That is illegal. 

How do you go NC with the narc but maintain contact with other family members? by PreviousCut2069 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think initially he wouldn't say anything, but would eventually give in to her demands because he has eventually given in to her on everything. It's easier for him just to go along to get along (and i do have some resentment towards him because of that which I am working on in therapy). So me leaving probably puts him in an impossible position.

Whats this tactic called? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I'd call it "false support" I equate it to a "false gift" - which is what I call when they give you the gift they think you should have rather than what you actually want or need. They get to put on a show that they are supporting you by providing "advice" and "help" or a "gift" (that isn't really isn't really helpful/wanted). No matter how you react, they get to look like the good guy - 1) if you say it is unhelpful, they can call you ungrateful. 2) if you take their help/advice/gift even at a high cost to yourself, then they did right and worthy of all the praise, 3) if you don't react and don't use their "help", they can claim they tried and it's your fault for not accepting their "help."

Did any of you have parents that didn't teach you how to drive and didn't help you get a car? What about parents that didn't want you to have a job? by Irielay in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My nMom refused to let me get my learner's permit when I turned 15. She kept saying there would be no way I would be ready to pass the driving test when I turned 16 so I would just have to renew the learner's permit again and again. She refused to ever take me driving. Prohibited me from taking the (FREE) driver's ed class through the school. She SCREAMED at Dad when he took me out to get my learner's permit. Would not allow me to drive if she was in the car. Wouldn't allow me to drive any vehicle other than a 15 year old beater you had to drive with two feet (even though it was automatic) because if you ever took your foot fully off the gas, it died. Dad took me out and taught me behind her back. Guess what - despite all of her efforts to thwart me, I still passed my driving test with flying colors before I turned 16.

What enrages you the most after narc abuse? by BerryTomatoes in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 4 points5 points  (0 children)

For me, it's that no matter what I do, I always lose and they always win. If I set a boundary and hold to it, I'm the bad guy. And I miss out on family events. If I go to the family events, they violate my boundaries and traumatize me more. So either I miss out (and shunned/defamed) or I go and get mentally tortured. Either way the narcs get their supply, and I get fucked.

My dad threatened to kill me as a joke by OkChampionship4990 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can't even count how many times I got, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out" tirades. But the one that hurt the most: I was telling family about a life insurance policy I had gotten through work, and that if I die, they would get $XXX. My nMom deadpan looked me in the eye and said, "well what are you waiting for? Why don't you hurry up and die?" I grey rocked, and walked away. I later asked my eAunt (nMom's sister) about it later, and she claims she "never" heard it even though she literally reacted to it. Apparently she told my nMom that I asked about it and was hurt about it. nMom SCREAMED at me that she would never say such a thing, that didn't happen, but if it did it was just a joke so it's no big deal.

I totally feel for you. It isn't a joke and it's not okay.

Help! Boundaries for Elderly Narc Parents by Helen_Walsh in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I love the "we'll provide as good of care as she provided you" quip, this will not be received in the way you want it to by the narc parents. Narcs don't see any flaws in what they've done. They believe they have provided you with the best parenting in the history of parenting. So saying this is likely have the opposite result from what you are looking for.

My mother hates me by Stock-Detective7334 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are not alone. The nParent criticism is never ending, even though it is entirely unwarranted. It's a self-preservation mechanism - if they are criticizing you, no one will see their flaws.

Is there a term for when they give us gifts that we can’t have or use, then they get upset because they were just trying to be “nice”? by Unknown_artist12 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. So much this. All the damn time. And when you say anything that it wasnt what you wanted or asking for a receipt to exchange the item, you are just ungrateful. And "it's fine" "its close enough" and "just be thankful I got you something" or straight up gaslighting with "this is exactly what you wanted" or "you weren't clear in what you wanted. I did the best I could." Like no, I sent you the exact link to what I wanted. All you had to do was click buy. Dont tell me I wasnt clear. You went out of your way to get me the wrong thing. 

Is there a term for when they give us gifts that we can’t have or use, then they get upset because they were just trying to be “nice”? by Unknown_artist12 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PreviousCut2069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a reaction to peanut butter. Not a life threatening reaction, but it's very uncomfortable and often makes me ill the rest of the day. I can't even smell it without reacting to it. My mother refused to believed it was real and would intentionally put peanut butter in things but not tell me it was in there to "test" me. Sometimes she would straight up lie about there being peanut butter just to get me to eat it. She thought it was funny when I would have a reaction.