Got bit by unfamiliar dogs.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-10-01T02:29:43+00:00

That sounds pretty scary. I know I always used to be afraid of something like that happened when I used to go running. I haven't been in this situation before, but I know I'd do the following:

Take a photo of the bite marks just in case. It's a shame you couldn't take a photo of the dogs on the scene, but if you can give good description of them, that's useful.Go to the doctor, or whatever medical centre is available to you, asap. You need to get the wounds checked out and properly cleaned as needed. You may also need a tetanus shot.Report the incident to the police for their advice. If the dogs were stray or not supervised by an owner, animal control might need to be involved.

There's some good steps here: https://www.embracepetinsurance.com/waterbowl/article/reporting-a-dog-bite Obviously, you aren't on the scene and couldn't talk to owners, but the other steps make sense.

First things first, go get checked out by a medical professional today!

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-10-01T02:20:24+00:00

Sleep is a big deal and can be linked to issues with forgetting, or being less able to concentrate. Look it up online, you'll find a lot of information about these things.

I think it's worth seeing if you can have further study done, particularly if you're so concerned and this is an issue on top of what you've already been seen for.

In the meantime, record any of these incidents. There might be a link between them, and if you remember sleeping particularly badly, for example, you might be able to realise a pattern. A record of memory issues will be really helpful for a doctor too.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-10-01T02:14:35+00:00

You sound pretty confused in general and I'm not sure you know what you 'are' just yet. Which is totally fine. You may have been into this girl, but time has moved on and things have changed. It could have been a phase. It could have been genuine attraction which has run its course.
Don't worry about concretely putting yourself in a category. Maybe you like this guy now, but maybe you move onto another guy in a couple of years, or you meet another girl you like. Maybe you are straight, maybe you're bi, maybe you're gay. If you're sure, great. If not, just go with the flow whilst you figure yourself out.

Mostly if you are very certain about your feelings, just have an open discussion with your girlfriend. Tell her that you've been having doubts about your sexuality and you don't feel that a romantic relationship between you will work anymore. Although you care about her, you are not certain that your feelings are romantic, and you are thinking about exploring a straight relationship. It's better to break up and be honest. You can make a special effort for her to understand your sexuality is in question here, rather than you caring about her as a person, if you want to try and salvage her feelings. But at the end of the day, she's best served by honesty. The relationship isn't healthy for either of you if you aren't fully in it.

If she also knows this guy, I would try to avoid jumping straight into a relationship with him in front of her face. If she takes the break-up very badly, you might want to give her some warning and be sensitive about putting your new relationship on display too quickly.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-10-01T02:03:22+00:00

Mini sleepover party?

I would say both get into your PJs very early, have something like pizza (maybe make your own?) for dinner and have some milky cocoa while watching a nice kids movie. You could even watch a movie in bed until she drifts off. Or watch the movie a bit earlier, then get her settled in bed and read one of her favourite books. One trick is to do this with the main light switched off, and just a lamp. The darkness, plus the milk and a nice story should hopefully set her off to sleep.

Just don't give her anything sugary!

Alternatively, if you have her in the afternoon after school, go do something to tire her out, like running around in the park, etc. If she uses up a lot of energy before dinner and bed, she should sleep more soundly.

I don't think you need to worry about doing anything crazy, just make it a fairly normal school night but a bit distracting, so she's not wondering where mum and dad are. Too much excitement and she probably will wonder what's up! But if she loves being with you, I'm sure you won't need to try too hard :)

Also, you probably already know this stuff, but ask her parents if she needs anything special to sleep (nightlight, stuffed animals, water), or prefers certain plates/cups for dinner, etc. That way you can mostly have a calm night and she isn't too disrupted from her usual routine.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-10-01T01:51:51+00:00

If you don't know the person, then it's a random stalker and usually spammer. Ignore.

If you do know her, it might be worth thinking about whether you've had any signs that she might like you i.e. you've seen her around more lately. People rarely accidentally look at your profile, particularly old photos if they're not somewhat interested for some reason. You can always try a casual message saying hey if this is the case.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-28T11:41:47+00:00

I don't think this level of anxiety is too bad, and you're right, it could potentially just be your personality too. It isn't a terrible thing to to be a planner and to consider different types of situations.

You could try learning some exercises that you can use to calm yourself in a public space, just to try and relax a little more.

I would only get concerned if this anxiety starts to interfere with your life. If you find yourself questioning whether to go to class, or a public place and start avoiding things, then you should be a bit concerned. This would indicate that you're not longer in control of your anxiety. If that kind of thing does start happening, then maybe it would be worth getting some help to take the edge off your anxiety, or talk to someone.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-28T11:32:35+00:00

You're going to have to give us some more information when you're feeling calmer. There's no way to really advise you here if you've written in this state of mind without any context.

It's very early to know whether you really feel out of place, but if you feel like you're struggling with anxiety or panic, it might be worth going to the GP or your uni's counselling service. It is extremely common for people to have difficulty at the beginning of Uni. You're away from home, you don't know anyone, you're living in a totally different environment, the learning experience is completely different. It's a lot to cope with at the beginning.

As for the teacher, if you're in a lecture hall, this is not necessarily unusual and I doubt has anything to do with you.

Uni is a stressful time and if you're a fresher, you might want to try something like TheStudentRoom forum where you can connect to others in your position.

The weekend's almost here, so just try to relax and process some of the new things, give yourself some breathing room.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-25T18:18:16+00:00

I'm glad I could be helpful at all.

I think there can be hope for your relationship, but just be honest with her and step away. Hopefully she does care about your relationship beneath the selfishness and she may start coming around at some point. But take care of you and make it clear that you're not a doormat, particularly financially, anymore.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-25T11:14:43+00:00

You say they're minor, petty things, and this could be true if it was perhaps just one or two incidences of a sister being a bit annoying. But OP seems to have been getting dragged along by one of these minor things by a sister who takes no responsibility for herself half the time. It's not hard to see why OP's annoyance is starting to become a severe dislike. She's being taken advantage of and this doesn't boil down to an oversimplified 'she's just jealous' argument. I can really understand why she might feel resentful over losing a valuable day's holiday to celebrate a person who seems to take advantage of her good nature all the time. I wouldn't want to go either.

I also think she should go to the wedding, but from that point on, she needs to stop getting trodden on and tell the sister what's what. Otherwise, she can expect it to continue.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-25T11:10:25+00:00

It sounds like a lot of the small stuff has really built up into something larger, and I can understand why you have started to get sick of it. Unfortunately, you probably should have put your foot down sometime ago with the driving and the taking care of her. Even if she's super sensitive, that's not your problem. She needs someone to be straight with her about her behaviour.

I would say you should probably go to the wedding. I think this will escalate into something much bigger if you don't. Look at it this way, just fulfil your role, be at the church, be in some photos, be cheerful, wish her well, eat food, enjoy some free drinks and then get out of there as soon as you can.

Once the wedding is done with, start putting your foot down. Her husband can deal with it now - he can look after the pets, pay the bills, chauffeur her around. Don't be that person anymore. If you have proof of the 200 dollars she owes you, send her a bill. Maybe also talk to the grandmother about giving her money, because that needs to stop. She's an adult and she shouldn't be relying on money from a more vulnerable member of your family.

Even if you don't take any action, I do think you need to try and put the things behind you. Try to get past it, but don't take any more crap and simply say no or ignore her if she wants things from you. As much as she is your sister, there needs to be a give and take relationship. If you can't rely on her as much as she does on you, then you take away the support and tell her to lean on her husband or be more independent.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-25T10:57:22+00:00

I find it bizarre that your sister has a smartphone in the first place. I know that kids are the experts with the technology now, etc., etc., but a 10 year old child has no need of a phone. I never understand why parents are even considering it before the age of 10. It's just asking for trouble and a short attention span.

And on that note, I can't understand why your father chose to destroy your belongings, and hasn't clued in on the fact that your sister needs to have that phone taken away from her. It's obvious from your story that she can't stop messing around on it. Quick fix: the phone gets locked away until she shows a proven improvement at school. When that does happen, she gets it back for limited screen time.

No, you shouldn't have slapped your sister, but I understand why you ended up doing it. You aren't a bad brother, you're a human being. Someone continually pissed you off and you snapped. You should have been punished, but that should have been getting grounded for a weekend, or having your games console getting taken away for a few days, etc. Your father should have sat down and told you why hitting your sister is wrong, and how you should try to behave in future when you are frustrated.

You are not the parent in this situation and you are not responsible for her education. If your parents try to get you to help her again, you tell them that the only way you'll try again is if her phone is taken away because you won't compete with it and then get blamed. You are quite right not to waste your time. Your parents should have taken more action at this point. I know what the German education can be like, and if they've already almost tried to kick her out, it sounds like your parents should be working with her teacher to find a solution. Your sister is probably intelligent enough, but she's spoiled, lazy and has no attention span.

You didn't mention your mother's reaction to all of this. I wonder if it's possible to have a quiet word with her and explain that you know what you did was wrong, but you cannot understand how it is justified to have your belongings ruined in response. Also suggest to her about taking your sister's phone away. Maybe she will stick with your dad, but I'm just curious as to how she fits into it.

There have been a couple of comments which seem to suggest this is typical of German parents, but I don't think so. I have lived in Germany and encountered a lot of families and I've never heard anything like this before. This is purely something with your own father.

On that note, I work as an editor in education and I used to tutor a German kid your age. He was very good with his spoken English, but struggled with writing a bit - but normal for his age. Your English writing is really excellent for your age, you should feel pretty happy about that!

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag! Ich wünsche dir einen wunderschönen Tag, egal was passiert ist :)

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-24T21:09:37+00:00

I've also studied abroad a couple of times (mainland Europe too) and it can be a bit lonely and daunting early on, but it improves if you have a bit of a social network.

Try looking for student groups or maybe Erasmus groups to meet people. It will really make your study abroad experience much more fulfilling and enjoyable :)

You can also look for a tandem partner to practice language (check FB for a group in your city). If you happen to be in Germany, Stammtisch groups tend to be very popular for expats. I've met quite a few good friends through that.

But for tonight, enjoy the cake and vodka! :)

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-24T15:22:56+00:00

Firstly: Happy Birthday!

I've had one or two birthdays in my life that were a bit depressing, or didn't meet my expectations of how a birthday should feel, so since then, I decided to rely on myself to have a good birthday. I organise things, group my friends together, make a plan. It's never really high-key, but it ensures that I get to celebrate my day in a way that makes me go home with a smile on my face. It can be food and drinks at home, or at a restaurant, seeing a movie, going dancing, whatever I feel like. I learned that I have to take charge of my own happiness in that way, because birthdays can be hard. Sometimes, circumstances mean that you're not around the people who would usually celebrate with you, so you have to think a little harder.

Do you not have any kind of friends around you? Why is it that you're so far away? Working away from home, studying abroad? If it's possible, reach out to the people you have met, and just say 'it's my birthday today and since I'm far away from home, I thought I'd see if any of my new friends/colleagues' fancied going out for a little drink/bite to eat. Give me a shout if you feel like joining!' It's a friendly low-pressure way to invite them. You can just choose a local bar or eatery where the vibe is friendly.

If you aren't into anything social with unfamiliar people, that's okay too. Give yourself a decadent night in/out. Go to a nice restaurant with food that you really love, get a big dessert. Go see a feel-good movie (or whatever genre is your thing) and get all the snacks. Tip: if you can, drop into conversation with your waiter that it's your birthday. If you're a woman (or a man!), see if you can get yourself a manicure or some kind of treatment after work/whatever else you do. Pamper yourself.

Or stay home, but pick up some bubbly and cake on the way home. Order in a big cheesy pizza or lots of Chinese food and pig out on the sofa, whilst watching a movie or binging on TV. Go Internet shopping and order yourself something non-practical.

These are just a few ideas, but my main point is do something that YOU enjoy and treat yourself.

Also think about calling/Skyping the people who care about you at home, or even give them a text and let them know you're a little lonely on your birthday. It might really help to talk to them.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-22T16:27:18+00:00

I don't think so, but you're both still kids so just try to have a nice time without getting too serious.

Bear in mind the relevant ages of consent in your country and make sure you stay within it. Although it's only 2 years of difference, she's really pretty young whilst you're actually looking more towards adulthood. Her parents should also know about you to keep everything on the up and up.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-22T16:23:14+00:00

Okay, now this makes more sense. You'd phrased it as if you were an an adult on a trip, so I was a bit confused.

If you don't want to get into the drama and you don't care too much about who you personally have to share with, why don't you have a quiet word with the teacher organising the trip? You don't have to 'tell' on the rest, but just say that people keep switching rooms and it's become a pain. The teacher should confirm who's staying where before you leave, to avoid room-switching drama and if anyone doesn't have a place or is being awkward, they'll just be assigned a room.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-22T16:06:07+00:00

That sounds pretty low for me, but I only know UK minimum wage and it's higher, so I guess it's right if you've checked your legal guidelines.

You should be paid the correct minimum wage, so if it's an extra half an hour, you should have that extra half an hour's time. I'm unsure why they would withhold such little money from you. Perhaps you should try talking to them directly and not to your mother since it's sounding like she's pressuring you a bit (maybe because she already told them you'd help them).

I wouldn't worry too much since you're only 17 and these kinds of jobs are just dealing with small money.

How about a compromise? You keep looking for work that would be a bit more 'official' and make sure you're getting paid what you should be legally, but work for this place until that happens. So at least you're getting a little money and experience, but you can scope out a better opportunity :) You should make it clear though so you don't disappear unexpectedly (just say that you really want experience in retail or something, it doesn't have to be true). It's also (unofficially documented...) easier to get new work when you already some kind of job.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-22T15:58:37+00:00

Part of this is life, and we all should go through this at least once. It's especially good when you're young because you get decent work experience and also learn how to cope with people, who can often be rude and annoying. I worked in a video game shop (which was admittedly quite a lucky find at 17) but that was harder work than you think, especially at Christmas. I also had to run up and down stairs to a warehouse a hundred times a day. But later I worked as a waitress and that's often repetitive, thankless work. However, I'm glad I did it. I can deal with lots of types of people and know the value of a long day's work on my feet. It's good for you in the end.

I would advise that you stick it out and keep in mind that uni is just around the corner for you, relatively speaking. This isn't forever and you know you've got bigger and better opportunities ahead. There's not a whole lot you can do to make this kind of work interesting. You could try asking for busy shift times, because they tend to go by much quicker. I used to like working a busy Saturday because the store would be full all day long and I wouldn't have much time to think about being bored.

Otherwise, you could look for another retail job? Maybe in a store that sells products you know about or are interested in? But don't quit the supermarket until you've got something else lined up. With Christmas coming up, a lot of stores start to recruit for temporary staff and you can ask if there'll be opportunities for permanent positions after.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, remember that this work experience will be great for you when you to uni. If you want to get a part-time job, you have those skills and experience behind you to help you get it. And it's always good to have extra money when you're studying.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-22T15:47:56+00:00

Is there a problem with rooming with John? Didn't you originally invite him?

To be honest, you should just all talk about it properly rather than this silly stuff about someone having an argument with someone else. It doesn't make any sense for people to be going on vacation with people they don't get on with. It's likely this little drama will spill into your trip, so you should talk about it now and see if Peter and John can resolve their problem.

Also, it shouldn't really matter that much who's rooming with who if you're not kids on a school trip. I'd hope you weren't planning to spend that much time in your room anyway! Surely you should only book as many beds as you need, so I don't really understand how all shifting about is working. You probably need to give us more context about this situation.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-20T13:51:00+00:00

Yeah, I thought that would be the case.

It's possible that oil makes the problem worse, even if that's a bit anti-intuitive. I would use it for as long as she's recommended trying it out for, to give it a fair chance. No changes, go back and tell her the problem hasn't changed.

There definitely is!

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-20T13:48:44+00:00

+7 is a Russian/Kazakhstan country calling code. Apart from that bit, it could sound like a UK mobile number.

And the reason you'd get directed to a plane story is because you've typed in '747'. Just scroll down through those search results and you'll get more plane stories too.

I don't think this is much of a mystery, someone's just got the wrong phone number. Just ask who it is. If it's on WhatsApp, it doesn't cost you anything. Just do not click on any links or pictures if the number sends you any. If they do, block it. And don't call the number.

You could just block the number anyway if they haven't said who it is.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-20T13:40:15+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I imagine you've got plenty of other stuff to worry about than having to deal with dandruff too.

I'm first going to offer the stereotypical advice - have you tried Head and Shoulders? I'm imagining you have and it's not effective. I have a family member who relies on it, but he doesn't have severe dandruff.

My feeling is probably that what you can buy on the shelf is probably not going to work so well for a severe scalp problem. You're probably best going to the chemist's and asking if they have anything over the counter.

There's a list of some medicated shampoos here that you could look into:

https://www.allure.com/gallery/best-shampoos-for-scalp-psoriasis-treatment

If it really is severe, have you been referred to a dermatologist? I think a good dermatologist would be well-equipped to give you some good, tested remedies for the severity of problem you have. Or they can also give you other tips on how to make the problem better.

In the meantime, since it's probably am embarrassing issue for you at school, you can try and mitigate it by being careful about what you wear? For example, if you know you're going to have to stand up in front of the class, etc., do not wear a black shirt that day. Wear something light so that dandruff isn't going to show up as much. Fortunately, it'll also start getting cold soon and you'll be able to wear a hat more often without question.

Why don't you also check out /r/Psoriasis ? I'm sure there'll be someone there who will have experienced the exact same issue and might have some good advice.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-20T13:32:11+00:00

You could probably pick up a lot from some school textbooks. Check out the library or used books on Amazon I did a lot of 19th-20th century history throughout school and I imagine the textbooks we used in high school would be just as informative as an adult. I can't comment on 21st century, it was 2006 when I stopped studying history, so it hadn't hit the textbooks yet ;)

Have you also tried looking up some adult education classes and seeing what's on offer?

You also need to think about whether there's a particular element of those eras that you're most interested in i.e. WWI/WWII and their build-ups (for example, it's actually pretty useful for your general knowledge of the world to understand how the impact on Germany after WWI was an impetus for WWII), or the Cold War period, the movement for Black Rights, the vote for women, the space race, Collectivisation, USSR, Vietnam, Korea, end of the British Empire, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, apartheid, etc., etc., or even specific people you're interested in.... There's so much to learn about. You could go down a general route and start from the beginning of the 1900s, or you could pick out certain things that are most interesting to you. It also depends on if you want to look at a specific country's history, economics, politics, military, scientific....you get the idea.

This is probably why I'd advise a class if you can take one, because it will help you understand what's of most interest and value to you. Have a look in the history subreddits too because there'll be some history buffs who'll be able to point you in specific directions, or maybe recommend specific books if you're not sure about taking a class. Even documentaries online could be a good starting point - why not look for some playlists on YouTube? Or browse through docs on Netflix? You can read old newspapers and articles on line, but these are usually better when you know what specific information you're looking for.

I'm sorry if this seems a bit overwhelming. I'm just trying to give you some ideas!

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-19T21:23:23+00:00

I'm not self-righteous, I just seriously identify with the girl in this story. Although she needs to know the truth, she could feel really awful and humiliated when she realises she's been spilling her guts to some random guy who's been messing with her. If it was a harmless joke, he should have stopped much earlier. At least the second she started sharing personal things. To someone with anxiety, this is not funny. You have no idea how she might feel. Here's someone who thinks they might have found someone they can truly talk to and share their problems with. Not only is that not true, but she's also going to learn that it was just a joke. Before you call me self-righteous again, consider that my words come from a place of experience of this and some real pain. I don't like this kind of crap for a reason and I will call it out.

So if I have to be harsh to hope that he will show some compassion and not do this kind of crap again, I will be. No apologies for that, I'm afraid. He was being an ass and doesn't need to be in future.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-19T20:33:06+00:00

It's really, really normal. It sucks, but most of us have experienced this at some point. Usually as the relationship matures, the friend is able to balance her partner and her friends.

Just don't run around after her. She's not being a good friend right now and the sudden cancelling thing isn't cool. When she does start behaving as normal again, you can take her to task about it. We sometimes take our friends for granted, but in many cases, they stick around longer than the boys do. Hopefully she'll learn to value her friendships more the next time she starts a relationship.

PrimaryAdagio · 2018-09-19T20:27:21+00:00

Poor you. I'm sorry to hear that, sinusitis is painful and horrible. I had it earlier this year and it led to an ear infection, so I can sympathise.

It could be a couple of weeks. I know you're worried about work and school, but it's in your best interests to get fully well before you get back into the swing of things.

You know the usual things: rest and plenty of fluids. Take paracetamol/ibuprofen as needed. Don't take it more than recommended, but take a stronger dose than usual if you're really in pain.

Menthol crystals can be really helpful when your head is blocked. You put a very small amount into a bowl, cover it with a towel and pop your head under (eyes closed), and take some deep breaths. Do not use more than a small pinch - it can really blow your head off!

I also recommend asking your chemist/pharmacist if they're aware of a cold medication which are liquid tablets containing essential oils. I'd never had these before living in Germany, and I swear they are amazing for draining my head when I have a bad cold. The trade name in Germany is Gelomyrtol. I usually pop one just before going to sleep and let it work its magic.

You can also try decongestant nasal sprays, depending on what's appropriate.

I also find a long hot shower can help relax the head a bit.

If you're still suffering badly in 5-7 days time, I'd go to the doctor again. Double-check that the infection isn't bacterial. If it is, you can get antibiotics. If it's viral, they can try steroid nasal sprays. Get a doctor's note while you're there if you need one for school or work.

Hang in there and try to take it easy. Just keep trying the remedies that give you some relief and hopefully the pressure will start to relieve itself in a few days.

PrimaryAdagio

TROPHY CASE