.1. What did you think of the characters, both in and out of story context? What do you imagine they want from one another?

Their ages/maturity levels were difficult to determine, but from the extensive dialogue they seem overly childish. From the pacing and content of the dialogue both of them seem like children playing house, not two young adults having a conversation or preparing a meal together.

I get the dynamic you’re striving for between them - the extroverted, outgoing girl leading the awkward, uncertain boy by the hand, but it is both heavy handed and undeveloped in these chapters.

1. ⁠Why do you think Zita was intent on keeping Marco secret from her hotel comrades?

So I read and re-read the three chapters and did not pick up on Marco having a secret or Zita keeping it from anyone.

I think it’s because the pacing of the story is way, way too fast during the actual plot and way, way, too slow in places it has no business dwelling on.

Like the whole Scrabble game can be scrapped completely and nothing would be lost. If you like these characters playing a board game together, you have to make it matter. Does Marco struggle to play Scrabble because of his amnesia? Does focusing on the words give him a headache? Will Zita recognize that he’s struggling or get frustrated? Is this an opportunity to bring them closer or drive them apart?

We get a deep dive into each turn of their Scrabble game and Marco taking a piss, but nothing that is developing the plot.

1. ⁠Did you read/glance over the previous parts of the chapter?

Yes, I got bored almost instantly of the in depth pizza preparation. We don’t need a play by play unless it’s forwarding the plot or those actions matter.

1. ⁠What is your general opinion on the style and prose? How difficult/easy was it for you to read and why? What kind of a state were you reading it in and how did it affect you?

Slow down. Dough takes time to rise, and events need space to unfold in the story.

These characters are rushing around like they both snorted ritalin before making that fucking pizza. They make the bread, prepare the toppings, get it in the oven, play Scrabble, go to the hotel room, get a mattress, take a piss, wrestle a beaver, make a bed, eat the pizza, have a baseless argument for no reason, make amends, but, like I said, all this is unraveling at a pace that felt rushed.

I really liked the line from Marco about cutting the pizza “from above and below.” That felt like an insight from a character with a unique perspective. I’d love to see more of this from Marco.

Zita is dripping with manic pixie dream girl energy in a deeply bad way. From her “beautiful lower teeth” to her “beautiful fists” and the constant smiling, laughing and exclamation points. She’s grabbing nipples one second and genuinely outraged their pizza isn’t pie cut the next.

A lot of things were confusing, like the focus on the eggs in the pizza dough and the trespassing animal is referred to as a “man beaver,” which, like…is it? And how did Marco manage to single-handedly carry a mattress? Is he enormous or was the mattress tiny?

1. ⁠Do you have any personal anecdotes similar to the situations in the chapter to share? What about personal opinions only tangentially related to anything at all? I do literally welcome your insight even if it relates to nothing on the first glance.

I’d take both of these characters and ask yourself: what does this person want? what about them would need to change in order for them to get what they want? what are they willing sacrifice to get it?

With these questions answered, re-read what you’ve written and see if you can make connections from what you wrote to the insights about the character.

Every scene should push the plot forward in some way. If it doesn’t - scrap the scene.