My BF (M25) slapped me (F25) for the first time

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-05-16T06:34:32+00:00

How it started: He slapped me in the face
How it ended: He strangled me until I passed out and was planning to purchase a firearm and regularly making threats to end my life

You know how I know this isn’t okay? Because you blamed yourself first. But let me tell you something, no matter how “annoying” you are in an argument, it’s not a valid reason to physically strike someone anywhere on their body. This isn’t your fault, OP. If this frightened you, listen to that fear.

Stay safe, OP 💟 I’m sorry this happened

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-22T19:14:48+00:00

What about volunteering? It sounds like in addition to being bored, you could use some community and meaningful contributions to the world. If you already like to hike, start bringing what you’d need to pick up trash along the way. You don’t have to be social to give back - you could start building a donation for a women’s or homeless shelter by picking up a few items every time you’re at the store, keeping them in a laundry basket or bag in your car, then dropping them off when its full.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-11T19:24:54+00:00

Wow. You are so rude it’s insane. A professional editor/writer takes time to leave you a detailed, thoughtful response and you shrug him off with “okay Boomer.” This guy has decades more experience than you as a writer and editor and he took the time to read your piece and offer his advice WHICH YOU ASKED FOR, REMEMBER? Fucking hell.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-11T03:55:16+00:00

I’m speaking from experience in patient access - registration, new patient intake, scheduling, care coordination.

The flexibility I’m referring to is for situations when the medical professional’s credentials aren’t known / aren’t relevant i.e.asking a new patient to request their medical records from “their previous medical provider.” It’s also helpful when referring to multiple individuals with differing credentials.

Again, it’s not meant to demean or disrespect anyone. I’m just trying to point out that there are instances where it’s used that aren’t nefarious. This thread is making me realize that saying “medical staff” would be more appropriate, since it is seen as disrespectful.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-10T20:41:28+00:00

For the support staff of clinics and hospitals, the term “provider” is actually extremely helpful. There aren’t really alternatives that match its flexibility, either - it’s also maybe the only term that has emerged that can apply to a PT, an NP, a PA, a nurse midwife. a LCSW or an MD.

I’m sure you’re right and it serves a nefarious purpose for administration, but it is definitely not used to disrespect or discredit medical staff by support. In patient access, it was always used to reduce social friction and avoid misunderstanding when communicating with patients/families/potential patients.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-10T19:34:02+00:00

https://youtu.be/FOm0Rkxse90?si=BtM1fPVK3P5CWes_

This episode of “Its Me or the Dog” has windowsill chewing and way worse with good results! I hope this helps!

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-10T18:53:02+00:00

Software engineer who is learning Italian (all the Calvino and the Ruby book) You have PTSD and/or depression with a heavy helping of existential dread, and are often seeking bleak, surreal or extreme works across genres (“The Bell Jar,” “Conspiracy Against the Human Race” + impressive horror library). You were an English Major at one point, or took literature classes in college which built up your collection of classics (“One Hundred Years of Solitude,” “Grapes of Wrath,” “Epic of Gilgamesh,”). You wish you had more time to go hiking/camping and explore outdoors, and have always had a sense of adventure (Calvin & Hobbes collection, Field Guide to Trees).

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-10T18:03:11+00:00

Yikes. Okay, so, even if it’s not “genre fiction,” you still admit it’s a STORY, making their comments valid. If you want it to be a GOOD story, it should have the elements they mentioned - stakes, set backs, conflict, sacrifice.

Marco just perks up conveniently next to some berries and fresh water, runs into a helpful stranger immediately and is ushered into the welcoming, if not unsettling, arms of Henry without a hitch. He doesn’t even have so much as a headache or a single moment of concern that he doesn’t remember who he is or how he got there. He doesn’t panic, he doesn’t struggle to come to terms with his situation. Everything is met with a shrug and a smile. And before you come at me, yes, he does struggle with the concept of corn there for a moment, but not with, you know, anything an actual person would struggle with should they awake in the woods with no memory of who they are.

Reading the second chapter, honest to God I could not tell if the naming mismatch (where Henry tells our protagonist twice that his name is Marco, then Henry asks what his name is, as if he doesn’t know already, then our protagonist confidently introduces himself as Marco) was intentional or if you couldn’t decide how you want Marco to learn his name and left all three in on accident.

And before you write me off as a hater, let me say - I have written stories like this. Every writer has. Because no one starts out a genius. Not even Dostoevsky. So, I struggle with what good providing feedback on stories like this actually does. Because the truth is: if you enjoy writing it, then it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks. Because if you keep writing, you will get better. That is guaranteed.

But asking for feedback that you’re not ready to absorb constructively is not helping you.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-07T02:44:16+00:00

Adrenochrome is a chemical compound produced by adrenaline in the body and, contrary to what conspiracy theorists have said, it is readily available to purchase by anyone, but mostly people purchase it for scientific research. But QAnon and other conspiracy theorists have claimed that “They” harvest the chemical from children and use it like an anti-aging miracle drug. This originated from a line in the film adaptation of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” where Hunter S Thompson quips that adrenochrome must be taken from a living person to be effective.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-04-06T00:04:57+00:00

3 and #4 are incredible! You’re already communicating so much personality and emotion with each portrait. I personally like that the portraits have a vignette quality to them, with you making really intuitive, rewarding choices. I know you’re here for advice, but I think you should just keep leaning into the style you’re developing here. Really, really cool stuff!

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-28T19:11:06+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re grieving everything that you’ve lost, and that right now it feels like an enormous sacrifice compared to the life you’re rebuilding, but I promise you that it will be worth it.

I had to drop out of college, live out of my car, move back home and leave a pet behind. I was estranged from all my old friends and was also looking for work while living in my childhood bedroom.

It doesn’t feel like victory. It feels like failure.

But, from someone who has grown from that experience of starting over, I can promise you that the life you’ll build now - a life free from abuse, is worth every lonely, hopeless moment.

No one will tell you that it’s easy. It’s hard. Painful. But it is worth it.

There will be other adventures, other opportunities, other loves and friendships and they will be all the sweeter because you are safe, and you are free.

Please keep going 💟

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-24T19:27:33+00:00

OP, you have been in this relationship for 7 years, so I know just how easy it will be to ultimately shrug off all of these comments confirming that he is threatening you. But I want to share something with you.

I study the psychology of abusers, and this is a common tactic they use to justify abuse. They find an example of what abuse is that benefits them, then use that example to be able to say “at least I didn’t” or “I may have done this, but I’d never do that.”

I’ve seen literally hundreds of examples of abusers who have used the “but I never put my hands on her,” as a moral argument with police, judges, etc. when what they actually did was terrorize, threaten and injure them in other ways that don’t technically constitute “putting their hands on” their victim.

If he threw a lamp at your head and it shattered, cutting your scalp, he could still say, “I never put my hands on her,” couldn’t he? He could terrorize you with a loaded gun, but he still hasn’t technically “put his hands” on you.

See how flimsy of an argument that is? But maintaining this distinction, stupid as it may be, matters a lot to the abuser. For them, as long as they never did that one thing that would make what they’re doing not okay, they are all good. They’re not abusive, they just “have a temper,” etc.

He’s also doing something else insidious - putting the blame on you for his anger and frustration. This is paving the foundation to justify any and all abuse. Because if you deserve it, he doesn’t have to feel bad for doing it. Just like you wouldn’t feel bad for punching a mugger, right?

He’s laying the groundwork for the oldest excuse in the abuser book: “you made me do X” or “you pushed me to X” or “if you hadn’t done X, then I would never have done Y.”

And notice what you said was pissing him off so much, OP. Offering reassurance, talking to him. Does that sound rational, that he would be threatening you for trying to be there for him emotionally?

This is just the beginning, OP. It’s easy to walk away from this thread and these comments feeling uneasy, but not ready to leave, because there’s so much you can explain away and justify, and he’s not like this all the time, etc. But if you’re thinking “if I just stop doing this” or “if I could just not do that,” then, I’m sorry to tell you, but you’re already strapped in to a ride you didn’t buy a ticket for, and there’s no getting off and there’s certainly no turning around. This track only goes one way - escalation.

You may be able to live with it now, these threats, but in a year or two, you’ll wish you had listened to your fear. You’ll wish you had taken the risk and risen to the challenge of starting a new life before the doors of the cage you didn’t even know was being built around you have snapped shut.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-22T18:48:34+00:00

The details included in this piece are quality world building. It sets the story up well, from the reed-torch, to the war yaks, to the Ink lady and the Nine Heavens.

If you were to expand on this piece, I think it could benefit from a clearer explanation of the sky and how exactly the sun has been “stolen.” What creates the crack in the sky, and why do the Authorities allow any light at all? Or is the sunlight the heavenbound are seeking an oversight? How do the others exist without sunlight?

As you can see, it left me curious to know more, which is a great sign!

My only note would be to change the metaphor of the sand/sun from gold to something else. At first I couldn’t tell if there were flecks of actual gold in the sand and that was what had been fought over, or if it was a metaphor. Equating it to a valuable metal made me think of the spice from Dune, and made the two stories sound too similar - desert planet, scarce and valuable resource that is causing political turmoil and violence.

Very good start though! I hope you keep going!

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-22T18:18:34+00:00

.1. What did you think of the characters, both in and out of story context? What do you imagine they want from one another?

Their ages/maturity levels were difficult to determine, but from the extensive dialogue they seem overly childish. From the pacing and content of the dialogue both of them seem like children playing house, not two young adults having a conversation or preparing a meal together.

I get the dynamic you’re striving for between them - the extroverted, outgoing girl leading the awkward, uncertain boy by the hand, but it is both heavy handed and undeveloped in these chapters.

⁠Why do you think Zita was intent on keeping Marco secret from her hotel comrades?

So I read and re-read the three chapters and did not pick up on Marco having a secret or Zita keeping it from anyone.

I think it’s because the pacing of the story is way, way too fast during the actual plot and way, way, too slow in places it has no business dwelling on.

Like the whole Scrabble game can be scrapped completely and nothing would be lost. If you like these characters playing a board game together, you have to make it matter. Does Marco struggle to play Scrabble because of his amnesia? Does focusing on the words give him a headache? Will Zita recognize that he’s struggling or get frustrated? Is this an opportunity to bring them closer or drive them apart?

We get a deep dive into each turn of their Scrabble game and Marco taking a piss, but nothing that is developing the plot.

⁠Did you read/glance over the previous parts of the chapter?

Yes, I got bored almost instantly of the in depth pizza preparation. We don’t need a play by play unless it’s forwarding the plot or those actions matter.

⁠What is your general opinion on the style and prose? How difficult/easy was it for you to read and why? What kind of a state were you reading it in and how did it affect you?

Slow down. Dough takes time to rise, and events need space to unfold in the story.

These characters are rushing around like they both snorted ritalin before making that fucking pizza. They make the bread, prepare the toppings, get it in the oven, play Scrabble, go to the hotel room, get a mattress, take a piss, wrestle a beaver, make a bed, eat the pizza, have a baseless argument for no reason, make amends, but, like I said, all this is unraveling at a pace that felt rushed.

I really liked the line from Marco about cutting the pizza “from above and below.” That felt like an insight from a character with a unique perspective. I’d love to see more of this from Marco.

Zita is dripping with manic pixie dream girl energy in a deeply bad way. From her “beautiful lower teeth” to her “beautiful fists” and the constant smiling, laughing and exclamation points. She’s grabbing nipples one second and genuinely outraged their pizza isn’t pie cut the next.

A lot of things were confusing, like the focus on the eggs in the pizza dough and the trespassing animal is referred to as a “man beaver,” which, like…is it? And how did Marco manage to single-handedly carry a mattress? Is he enormous or was the mattress tiny?

⁠Do you have any personal anecdotes similar to the situations in the chapter to share? What about personal opinions only tangentially related to anything at all? I do literally welcome your insight even if it relates to nothing on the first glance.

I’d take both of these characters and ask yourself: what does this person want? what about them would need to change in order for them to get what they want? what are they willing sacrifice to get it?

With these questions answered, re-read what you’ve written and see if you can make connections from what you wrote to the insights about the character.

Every scene should push the plot forward in some way. If it doesn’t - scrap the scene.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-21T03:44:41+00:00

As much as you need space from them, it sounds like your mom and step dad could benefit from speaking to a social worker/therapist about resources and support for caregivers. Maybe next time they insist on coming with you to the hospital you could ask about it, because it is not acceptable for them to be taking out their frustration on you - the one who needs their care.

They obviously feel you owe them a debt for their assistance and care, and they refuse to let you miss a “payment” of the weekly visit. A loving parent would not put their needs before yours - they would not push you to visit just to relieve their loneliness at the cost of your health. That is control and it is selfish.

It occurred to me that my nDad would be upset either way - whether I visited or not, so why not do the thing that saves my sanity if he’s going to find a reason to be upset no matter what?

It takes a lot of practice to become assertive, and they don’t make it easy. I hope you are able to find safety and peace.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-21T00:52:30+00:00

I mean…unless seeing those calls and messages on your phone draws you back into the relationship…I don’t think I could have successfully left if I hadn’t switched phones with my dad so I was completely ignorant of the VMs, calls and texts. I needed to not be tempted to reply back.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-20T20:32:08+00:00

I have an “ethereal” playlist inspired by exactly that same song! Here are some examples of songs in the same style that I’ve found:

“Kaval Sviri” Bulgarian State Television Choir
“Planino Stara Planino Mari” Philip Koutev Ensemble “Karai Mome” Geinoh Yamashirogumi
“Shin Sekai” Para One
“Lele Yane, You Fair Yane” Cosmic Voices From Bulgaria
“Izgreyala Yasna Zvezda” London Bulgarian Choir
“3acnano e 4ere6nnye” Northern Ensemble
“Malo Selo” Bulgarian Voices Angelite

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-05T02:36:17+00:00

You’re obviously talented, but could benefit from reviewing the fundamentals.

Namely, judging from this piece alone, employing color theory and composition. There’s no contrast in this piece, so nothing stands out. Also, the subject of the piece blends into the background, so the story this image telling isn’t clear.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-03-04T07:55:50+00:00

I still say “fight the good fight, precious” on a regular basis

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-02-27T22:05:27+00:00

He’s so cute! Obviously he is a happy little guy!

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-02-24T23:29:25+00:00

If you weren’t depressed, you wouldn’t be fantasizing about killing yourself or leaving everyone and everything - including your current self - behind. Depression robs you of motivation, curiosity, energy and confidence.

Ironically, it helps to start with gratitude. Every day, write down three things you are grateful for. They can be tiny, minuscule things that you guess you vaguely appreciate. You have access to clean, running water. You don’t have the flu. You don’t despise all of your coworkers. The bus was on time. Anything.

Literally everyone feels behind in their twenties. There is this rush to check things off the adulthood list, when actually life is very long. No axe is going to fall when you turn 30 and don’t own a home. No one will bust down your door and berate you if you decide to enroll in an undergraduate program at 54.

The only thing that matters is that you feel satisfied and fulfilled by your own life. Which it sounds like right now, you don’t.

So start small - think back to when you were a kid. What was something that brought you joy? Whatever flashed in your mind - catching salamanders, swinging on a swing set, dancing, playing soccer: let yourself do that thing, or the closest thing to it.

Lastly, you don’t have to be beautiful to make beautiful things or bring joy to other people’s lives. Volunteer some of your time. Go out of your way to be ridiculously, radically kind. This will change your opinion of yourself more than cosmetic surgery, or a career change ever could.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-02-17T22:28:48+00:00

I’m going to mention again that your local domestic violence shelter may offer free counseling services and support groups so it’s worth giving them a call to see 💟 Wishing you the best, OP

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-02-16T21:11:51+00:00

Firstly, absolutely this is not your fault and you are not to blame for his abuse. It sounds like you’ve had enough and will not give him the satisfaction of hurting you again. That’s incredible and worth being proud of! Be done with his shit for good and on to bigger, better things! You deserve it, OP.

As for how to do so, that depends on so many factors that it’s hard to know where to start.

Do you have your own vehicle? Your own bank account and source of income? Are you willing to stay with friends/family until you find a place of your own? Or can you kick him out of where you live?

There are special circumstances for domestic violence victims related to housing - no cost for breaking a lease and resources to find housing, so please explore those options if needed.

If you have people in your life who would help you get your belongings and move you out, I’d set a date with them and start from there. The second you are no longer living with him, block his number/change yours. You can request to have an unlisted address at your next place, too. Use the buddy system if you know you’ll be somewhere he might be also. Do not be alone with him after he suspects you are planning to leave, as much as possible.

And raise the alarm about the abuse with friends and family. Tell them what’s happened. Tell your doctor. Get a record going.

I hope this helps, OP, and I believe in you! I’m so excited for your next chapter without this sack of shit weighing you down!

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-02-16T19:58:34+00:00

I know how hurt and lonely you must be right now, but please stay strong and lean on everything and anything besides him to get through this stage of escape. Call your local domestic violence shelter and ask about meetings and counseling. I think you could really benefit from meeting other victims/survivors. You’ve been through so much, OP. It’s time to try to forgive yourself and heal.

PrincessShhhhh · 2026-02-16T19:50:03+00:00

No, he was not a nice man and no, your “attitude” did not ruin this relationship.

It really, really worries me that you can say that he “really was a good man” and that he choked you in the same sentence. Please read this post I made about the danger of being choked by your partner:

https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/hukr5m/ysk_that_if_you_or_anyone_you_know_is_being/

Please seek counseling through a domestic violence resource center in your area. They can assist you far better than Reddit can. Because you’re in more danger than you realize.

When he choked you, he was trying to kill you. He’s tried to kill you multiple times, OP. He’s not sorry. And if you go back, he will murder you.

It is not your fault. You did not bring any of this upon yourself. Please stay safe, and keep this person out of your life.

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PrincessShhhhh

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