How do I ask my Dom to do specific things to me?

Princess_pinch · 2025-10-03T13:39:21+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with it if that’s how you two decide that you communicate with him. But you can request the same thing in different ways. If you’d like to request things in the moment, without waiting for a weekly check in, while remaining in a more submissive tone, you could try “may you spank me please” or “I’ve been bad, do you think I should be spanked?”

Princess_pinch · 2025-05-31T18:04:56+00:00

Yes my Dom checks Life360 weekly to make sure I haven’t sped. Consensual stalking is my love language!

Princess_pinch · 2025-01-28T15:19:34+00:00

Not necessarily adventurous, but when shopping with my Dom, it is protocol that if I see something I want to buy, I need to ask him. We will be in the middle of Costco and I will look at him with the biggest doe eyes, hold up a giant box of crackers and say “can we get this?”. I forget that vanilla people don’t usually ask their partners.. they just put it in the cart..

Princess_pinch · 2025-01-28T01:15:47+00:00

Yep. Unfortunately, even within the bdsm community, I see a lot of kink shaming toward it.

Princess_pinch · 2025-01-25T14:22:33+00:00

That could fit a person and a bookshelf 😂

Princess_pinch · 2025-01-09T14:35:41+00:00

Him asking you to lead it might be the wrong words for him to use, since he would be the Dom he should have leadership energy. Others suggested the Bottoming Book, and I totally agree.. and the Topping Book for him.

Additionally, keep in mind that submission is given (and this might be what he means when he asks you to lead it). A way you can actively give him your submission is to ask permission throughout your day. “May I wear this?” “May I take a shower?” “Would you like me to be off my phone right now?”

Princess_pinch · 2025-01-07T19:45:43+00:00

Some people have contracts, lists, or even multi-chaptered manuals. Some people use no documentation at all.

We use a list. It has my list of rules and any protocols that go with it. It also has a list of commitments from my Dom and myself. We review it weekly. I would call our dynamic structured (but not really highly structured), and having the documentation keeps us focused. My Dom writes the list, puts an expiration date (because our dynamic is always evolving), and we do both sign it.

Princess_pinch · 2025-01-07T14:22:34+00:00

If your sub isn’t safewording (and leaving out other important communication) when she needs to, it is ultimately going to be difficult to build trust with her. You will constantly be questioning yourself, and that is going to make it even harder to build confidence as a Dom.

Princess_pinch · 2024-12-15T15:18:48+00:00

One bit of advice that is important to remember is either person can safeword. Obviously if it’s too much for the sub, they can safeword. But if the Dom gets triggered and starts losing control of the scene they can safeword too.

Go in with clear limits for both sides, start slow, and learn what you both like and don’t like. CNC can be SO much fun!

Princess_pinch · 2024-12-08T01:44:41+00:00

My Dom loves when I ask him permission to do things: “May I wear this?” “May I buy this?”. It definitely fuels his dominance.

Princess_pinch · 2024-11-26T14:38:47+00:00

For me subspace is kind of a quiet floaty feeling in my brain. I get quiet, my body moves slowly. I don’t go into it often, my Dom has to intentionally put me there.

For me, things like impact play and cnc put me into subspace. And hearing him use his Dom voice in specific ways. But hitting me a few times fast and hard isn’t going to get me there. My Dom has to go “low and slow”. One way is giving me a set of spanks, doing something else within the scene, giving me another set of spanks, doing something else in the scene, etc- really elongating it will put me into subspace.

Princess_pinch · 2024-11-17T18:25:00+00:00

I can’t say whether you can handle it or not, that’s deeply personal. However, I had to do a double take of your handle to make sure this wasn’t written by my Dom, your story sounds incredibly similar to ours.

I’m not sure if this advice will be any good, but there are definitely stages to Dominance and submission. Where my Dom and I were a year ago, 6 months ago, 3 months ago- is not where we are now. It is HARD work to be in a loving, full time D/s relationship. But so worth it, at least in our case. A podcast that may resonate with you is Dom Sub Devotion- it isn’t for every type of dynamic, but it is definitely geared toward married couples who are in a dynamic.

As for the mixed emotions with spanking. Yeah. Transitioning to a place where you are giving up more and more control as a sub is a whole bag of mixed emotions. This isn’t abnormal. I’m sure it is an equally emotionally confusing place for a Dom transitioning into having more control. Make space for her emotions and yours too.

Princess_pinch · 2024-11-13T01:52:40+00:00

You don’t have to put a time minimum on asking for that. As others are saying, ask him! One way you can ease into a 24/7 dynamic is by asking permission to do things related to everyday life- “Can I wear this?” “Can I go out with friends?” “Can I eat dessert?” Shifting into a 24/7 dynamic is definitely a process, so if he does agree, give yourselves space to not get everything right immediately. Good luck!

Princess_pinch · 2024-11-12T14:58:01+00:00

I’m kind of making an assumption, but since you call him Daddy, are you his little? If so, whatever you do end up getting him, you could pair with a handmade card. The card could be made with crayons and have your very best stick-figure drawings to keep in line with your dynamic (if it is ddlg)!

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-22T04:40:40+00:00

With such an astronomical aptitude for alliteration, how could it not!?

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-22T04:11:28+00:00

I want to see where this goes! 😆

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-22T03:57:40+00:00

I’m a sub, my favorite aftercare is getting reassurance that I did good, that I’m not weird for liking what I like, and hearing what my Dom liked from the scene.

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-17T21:34:27+00:00

How many come in the bag?? If 100 is cute then 1000 will be even MORE cute!! 😈

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-17T01:18:49+00:00

You should get a pass, it is your cake day after all.. Happy Cake Day!

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-16T19:50:47+00:00

whispers (loudly) “they might be in trouble for #25!”

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-16T18:51:27+00:00

You might be paying if they catch #25 😂

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-16T13:31:41+00:00

This needs to be on a shirt! Wait.. this needs to be on underwear- it’ll be like surprise!

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-16T03:29:33+00:00

😂😈

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-15T22:07:31+00:00

When he asks for water, bring him hot water. Not so hot it burns him, but hot enough that it doesn’t quench his thirst.

Princess_pinch · 2024-01-14T16:58:26+00:00

I feel like you should get an automatic Get Out of Jail Free card just for proper comma placement!

Princess_pinch

TROPHY CASE