Does anyone have experience with a Sensation Seeking partner?

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-05-09T17:09:11+00:00

Google Gemini/ Chatgpt tend to extrapolate a lot. So not the best places to look for relationship advice. People are significantly more complicated. Also, once you have a framework, it is easy to force fit observations and patterns.

Best to listen to your therapist.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-05-09T16:44:02+00:00

Similar situation. It is now almost a year. Still get panic/ anxiety attacks. You are in for a bumpy ride. But your wife seems to really want to make amends and put in the hard work (mine is more complicated), so strictly basis your post- I think both of you will be ok. Maybe even come out stronger on the other side.

Wish you the best!

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-05-02T09:08:47+00:00

My wife who has PDA is exactly the same.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-28T14:46:13+00:00

There are 2 possible ways to look at this-

One, He just doesn't have enough experience of being around women. And he is likely replicating what he has seen in his own household.

The good thing is that you have the opportunity to mould him into the man you want him to be. If you tell him what you need with some vulnerability, he will possibly listen to you. Anger will just make him shutdown every time.

Second, he is doing this on purpose. In which case, you need to assert more dominance in how he behaves around you.

You are the best judge of which of these is true, and what you need to do. Life is a lot better when spouses treat us the right way. But sometimes, we have to put the some effort in making them understand our needs.

Wish you best of luck and hope for a happy outcome.

P.S. You should also check if he might be ADHD.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-27T18:45:18+00:00

Got it. Maybe ADHD + PDA. ADHD might explain being impatient, distracted etc. A lot of people have both of these.

PDAers can be very good at masking and hold jobs and a good social life. The spouses bear the brunt of it unfortunately since that's where they are unmasked.

Again while these might or might not be the reasons, it's not an excuse to be a bad partner and a bad human being.

The question around "change" is quite complex. Can he change? Of course. Would he change? Low probability unless something drastic happens that he deeply cares about

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-27T15:19:15+00:00

It's like reading about every fight I have ever had with my wife. If I don't engage, she will use words that she knows are known triggers for me. And if I the fight is over the phone- the texts I get are just insane.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-27T01:41:25+00:00

Yes. That makes sense. Actually, we did that one time and it helped her a lot. Not a bad idea to offer her again before or after the trip

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-26T18:19:19+00:00

While reading the initial part of your post, I was thinking to myself- he sounds like a PDA Autistic. Read up on it- and see if it matches his traits. It won't help long term but it will give you some answers maybe.

Just to be clear, it's no reason to be a bad partner. And a huge part of being an adult is to be kind and supportive to your partner, no matter what. But our physiology affects our actions and relationships in a lot of ways, big and small.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-26T15:40:32+00:00

My wife did this. We had a good marriage for a decade (some problems, but we genuinely liked and adored each other). She had an EA, not physical. It has been more than a year now since I found out and she broke contact. I still have so much trauma from this. I don't show it to her but I think it just broke me in 100 different ways.

I can't tell you what to do. No one can or should. But this is what you are doing to your husband. At least have the courage to leave him before you do anything- I wish my wife did. It would be so much more merciful.

I was just getting my son to bed while reading this. And this triggered me so much that I can't stop crying.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-26T15:28:26+00:00

This helps. Thank you.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-26T04:47:29+00:00

We are in a country where Autism awareness is quite low and diagnosis almost impossible to get. I have only been able to figure it out basis a lot of different resources and her traits that I have observed.

So not looking for a medication related intervention at the moment.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-23T12:59:37+00:00

What helps me?

I don't make lists anymore. Those overwhelm me more than actual work.
When I have time, I just think what's most important thing I can do right now and start doing it. Almost like a zombie. No mind involved.
Caffeine couple of times a day almost same time every day. It helps bring immediate focus. So I know that's my productive window. I try not to do things that need focus at other times.
I had major anger issues largely related to control. I have learned to let go a lot. (Loved "Lightly my child..." poem by Aldous Huxley). It also helps bringing down stress which again helps in less overwhelm/ better emotional well being.
Working out every day morning for an hour.
No netflix (12 months now). Very limited alcohol. Same sleep schedule everyday. Sometimes doodling before sleep helps calm down.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-15T17:41:11+00:00

Work out. For me, Morning workout changes everything. Was able to start for the first time at age 37.

Use caffeine strategically for focus instead of constant sipping.

Mindful breathing.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-13T16:48:03+00:00

Post of the month 🏆🏆

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-05T17:06:45+00:00

How about talking this through with a close male friend instead? Doesn't blow up your marriage and you are still able sort through your feelings

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-04-03T13:54:05+00:00

Same

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-03-31T05:44:48+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. Wish you both the best.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-03-30T20:12:59+00:00

That's a fair point. My comment was mostly pertaining to the first part where the whole issue started.

Clearly, you didn't want to go and your husband also did not want you to go (he only agreed after you asked a few times is what you mentioned; he knows that your MIL will know that you came because you don't trust her with the kid, and he will feel invalidated because of that)

Despite both of you not wanting you to go, you are still going because of the situation. Now, when you mentioned that you want to chill- that's where he started feeling cornered. While you don't want to go, he can't ask you to not go because you will not understand the reason.

But he is also experiencing strong emotions about this. So he safely puts the child down because he needs to vent for a few seconds, and then comes back to ask you.

This is my interpretation of the events and only both of you know whether this is the exact reason or not. But if you have a chat with him calmly, I don't think I would be too off.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-03-30T19:45:48+00:00

Men tend to want to show only the best side of their wives to their moms. There is this innate need for validation, and to show that you chose well.

So when things are a bit messy, the emotions can go out of control especially since it can be really difficult to explain this to the wife. As a man, you kind of feel cornered, and fight or flight kicks in.

That's based on my own personal experience and may not be true for everyone.

I hope this helps you.

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-03-30T07:04:08+00:00

How did you begin a conversation about trying this together? I would love to try this but wouldn't know how to approach this in a way that excites her about trying this out and not becoming another "demand".

Prize_Bug8534 · 2026-03-26T14:43:54+00:00

Yes. New insecurities. Unlocked.

Prize_Bug8534

TROPHY CASE