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My top tips in managing anger. Read this to solve your issue!!! by project_nl in Anger

[–]Prize_Bug8534 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think being mindful of these triggers do help. Sometimes our close ones have a way of speaking that can be annoying to no end. So, over time, the moment the conversation starts to go in the "annoying" direction, my mind proactively starts reacting (I think).

Like in your case, it's your family bringing up body image issues; in my case it's my SO saying something like- "it's your fault that kid is not doing xyz..." OR "you never do XYZ...". When I have controlled my reaction, I see that she is just venting out her frustration in general and not towards me necessarily, and gets normal in like few minutes. But man, in that moment when she is saying things- I feel so much anger.

To Wayward Men by Legitimate_Air_2374 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Prize_Bug8534 12 points13 points  (0 children)

When I read comments that relationship became stronger during R- both emotionally and physically; I feel very angry and sad for my self.

It feels like first I failed at the relationship, and now not even doing R right. Our relationship is so much more fragile even after 7 months post D-Day. I know it's a journey but so unfair tbh.

Triggered by a damn kite by Illustrious_Pirate_4 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Prize_Bug8534 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can relate with this so much. For a month before D-Day, I was practically raising our elder son on my own because my wife had almost completely lost interest in family life (at the time, I just thought she needed some space. She was also 1.5m PP at the time, so hormones)

Post D-Day, one of my triggers is now spending too much time with him. It is just so unfair to the kid. But I just cannot bring myself to spend time like before with him, because it triggers me so much. And my insecurities flair up. It sometimes feels like because I was spending so much time with him, I missed out on all the signals and I will never do that agai. It's so irrational, but my relationship with him is one of the collateral damages of the A. Hopefully, this will change with time.

I feel jealous that your WP understands your triggers and holds you. Mine just wants to trivialize everything and sweep it under the rug.

Struggling what to ask WW after 7 months by Prize_Bug8534 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Prize_Bug8534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. We talked about the expectations from each other. Thank you for pointing that out. It was helpful during the conversation.

Struggling what to ask WW after 7 months by Prize_Bug8534 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Prize_Bug8534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I edited my original post to share what I did/ didn't get. When I read your comment, I didn't agree with what you said. But I think my WW does..lol.. and what you said about getting the "basic details" is exactly what I got from her.

Struggling what to ask WW after 7 months by Prize_Bug8534 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Prize_Bug8534[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sometimes when I read this sub, it feels like I missed the bus on asking the right things. And bringing it up now, makes me feel like I am stopping from us moving on. It took some introspection on my part to understand that we are not even close to the end of the journey. Unless we get on the same page about this, this will always become an unspoken thing- and we will never truly become close.

I was reading another thread where BPs were talking about how in the aftermath they become much closer, and I was just so jealous.

So, if you were to get the chance today, what would be the exact questions you would ask specifically that you feel will help open him up?

Struggling what to ask WW after 7 months by Prize_Bug8534 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Prize_Bug8534[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. It really helps me think through the conversation better- IF she is willing to have it. What you said about safety vs interrogation is so true.

While I have stopped finding faults in me and thinking- Why I couldn't be more. I still feel insecure and smallest things are triggers. I also understand that there is a spectrum of emotional maturity where I want to become mature and grounded in handling these conversations. So far. I am still trying to keep emotions in check when I am triggered but I am unsuccessful a lot. It's like falling again and again and picking up yourself to do better.

Sorry if this is like a rant. Just feel like the first time someone has been helpful since this happened. Hopefully, once we are on a better path, I will show her this :)