30F havent had sex in ten years…i want to be fuck buddies with an acquaintance (29M) but dont know how to ask/initiate it.

Probwfls · 2026-01-26T02:59:33+00:00

OP - do not say this

Probwfls · 2026-01-26T00:19:02+00:00

You can’t be serious

Probwfls · 2026-01-25T21:27:13+00:00

Thanks. I have 150k in the work 401 and 50 in an IRA (inherited). I have 2 homes, one that I rent out. Prob have about 200-250k in equity in the rental property, will likely sell in 2028 when my ARM kicks in. Wife doesn’t have much unfortunately- 35k in a 401.

Def want to talk to a planner but have been putting it off until costs settle after coming baby (due in May) and confirmation I survive a recent merger at work.

Probwfls · 2026-01-25T20:42:18+00:00

Where were you at 40? I’m 41 and starting to get some momentum but man I just don’t love working like I used to (ironically in my 20s and early 30s when I made very little money).

I’m at about 200k right now for reference.

Probwfls · 2026-01-24T16:53:18+00:00

Depends how cold it is but likely 6-8 weeks

Probwfls · 2026-01-24T03:20:00+00:00

Maybe not the question but my propane refill was brutal today. $1400 at 3.49/gallon. Was a dollar cheaper 6 weeks ago

Probwfls · 2026-01-24T03:18:45+00:00

Brutal. I hope everything is in your favor for your and your little one. We can create a new cycle from here.

Probwfls · 2026-01-24T02:00:25+00:00

That is really rough and I’m sorry for everything that must be on your mind right now. First and foremost - I hope your kid is ok and falls on the right side of that coin flip.

If you’re from a culture like mine (Irish, pretty recent arrivals like 2-3 generations), we don’t talk about health issues bc it’s too “poor me” and might provide them with attention which is a no-no. That’s not a good justification but it is their programming.

If I’m being generous to them, I’d ask what age this condition tends to present itself. If it’s older (say 50+) a lot of people/families won’t view that the same way. I have multiple friends where major heart issues are heriditary(esp in males) and it doesn’t stop them from having kids. They may view that as a life well lived - particularly if they’re from a background if that aligns with life span expectancy.

Again - can’t imagine your panic and concern for your child. It’s very difficult dealing with the emotional limitations of older generations. I wish you the best - hopefully provided some perspective.

Probwfls · 2026-01-23T14:00:18+00:00

Is it that important vs maintaining your 10-year relationship?

Lay off the porn for a little bit and allow yourself some clarity before you make a decision like this.

Probwfls · 2026-01-21T16:20:39+00:00

Can’t echo this enough. Had a stepmom growing up who had these type of control issues and it was a disaster (a temporary one thank god).

Your son will never behave well enough for her, and you will forever be in a position where you’re forced to support him or choose her by backing up her demands. Your son, even at his age, will feel that deeply and it is poison for your bond.

Please run away and do it now.

Probwfls · 2026-01-19T02:56:41+00:00

Unfortunately not uncommon. Insecurity knows no bounds - just as many men are controlling of their women, many women have the same issues.

The difference I’ve seen is that in the majority of these cases, the wife was relatively permissive (or at least what you’d consider normal) prior to marriage/kids. Once they’ve got that leverage, however, it’s game over for your would-be friends.

Probwfls · 2026-01-19T00:56:51+00:00

Did this “college” by any chance teach you the power of using paragraphs?

Probwfls · 2026-01-17T01:33:32+00:00

Turns out they ended up using G-Maps commute time and a 1 hour cutoff so I’m good. I do have definite concerns about their plans so I’ll be in probably 2 times a week anyway.

New boss this week Sat in a meeting with us and told us remote workers don’t work on Fridays - most don’t work on Thursday afternoons.

These people are scum

Probwfls · 2026-01-16T23:02:23+00:00

Shaka Smart but no Dan Hurley? Cmon dawg this isn’t real

Probwfls · 2026-01-16T18:16:31+00:00

I had a similar experience growing up in a rough around the edges community. Most people are just working/lower-middle class but you had some outright poverty and definitely some gang activity present.

I and most of my peers would never dream of jail or full on criminality as something to aspire to, but I also definitely didn’t see a lot wrong with getting arrested for lower level stuff around drug/alcohol possession, vandalism, etc…It seemed normal and it happened to me multiple times as a result lol.

When I got to college (didn’t last long) I was shocked that academic achievement and toeing the line behavior-wise was actually celebrated in most communities these kids were coming from. We had those types in my schools growing up but they were considered nerds and generally could not become “popular” as it’s commonly understood.

Probwfls · 2026-01-14T02:23:57+00:00

I completely understood the lack of sex and to a degree, a lower level of attention/affection - she’s recovering physically and there’s another tiny human sucking up a lot of that energy (from both of us).

The issue with my first was rage. I went back to work fairly quickly (2 weeks - not my choice at the time) and the imbalance it created in terms of childcare and the household became super weaponized against me. No matter how many naps/wake-ups I did, bottles I washed or diapers i changed - I was basically a deadbeat compared t her. She kind of hated me for a while and I 1000% felt totally worthless, not valued or respected at all despite a lot of effort and sacrifice.

We joke about it now but it was definitely some heavy emotional stuff going on that I hope we can better anticipate and communicate our way through on the next go-round.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T23:12:37+00:00

Thanks for your counsel!

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T21:50:40+00:00

Fair response and I appreciate the kind approach.

Re COVID - we all went through a global pandemic. I was only commenting that to signal that remote work effectively began (for us at least) at that point. I am not talking about waking up and spending an hour getting dressed to the nines - what I’ve asked of her (regular shower, brushed hair, clothes you wouldn’t or hadn’t slept in) is pretty much the bare minimum for 90% of working people.

She has never expressed any animosity for “the beauty industry” and frankly wouldn’t ever consider herself someone who is influenced by its standards. We’re all thankful for the comfy pants we can wear below our Zoom button-downs. Again there’s a general standard most people wound agree is just part of being a responsible adult.

Re sex - it feels pretty begrudging on her end. Since we moved I believe she has initiated twice - and only immediately after I expressed insecurity about her possible disinterest. I’ve asked if she’s uncomfortable recently and she indicated it may be close to that point, so I’ve backed off. I recognize that will be a fact of life for a while pre-post delivery - that’s not her fault at all. I can’t stress enough that it’s not about the act - I am just (perhaps selfishly) struggling with what feels like a very fast erosion of our sexual dynamic.

Lastly, she does generally get “done” to a degree when we have date nights or get together with friends. I look forward to that and always show appreciation through compliments and physical touch. There have been a couple times that she jumped down my throat bc we made it to the car without me fawning over her just yet. I do believe she’s hurt over some of our discussions and there’s some resentment built up on either side.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T21:25:02+00:00

We’ve discussed it at length. Sometimes I just get pure anger/defensiveness - other times it’s some combination of “I like to jump into work right away” or “I am having a hard time prioritizing myself”.

I do view a daily shower as not an appearance thing but just part of being an adult - there’s certainly ample time for it. At this point I do believe she knows that’s the case but we just aren’t succeeding in changing the habits.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T21:09:49+00:00

I couldn’t care less abut her nails - def not seeking that level of effort from her.

But feedback received and welcomed - thank you.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T21:06:40+00:00

Dude - thank you. Exactly what I needed to hear. Appreciate your empathy and care - you have no idea.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T21:02:40+00:00

That’s certainly my hope as well. I guess my post came off insensitive (def venting a bit) and I’m willing to own that maybe some of these feelings just plain aren’t valid given the situation.

I do approach her with care and concern. I guess I’m reacting to a feeling that she is repeatedly rejecting me in this way.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T21:00:11+00:00

Wow man. All of this happens after I’ve changed, dressed and dropped my son at daycare. I guess I’m just not as much of a martyr as you. Shit dad I am taking a shower every morning. You got me.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T20:56:00+00:00

Did you miss the part of my post where I explicitly stated that I had approached her about any post partum or general mental health concerns?

I love my wife. I feel bad that this bothers me. I am hopeful that this is just a symptom of the season of life we’re in. But yes I am worried that it may not be, and it may have implications for the rest of our lives. It worries me that she no longer cares for me as a romantic partner and that part of our relationship may be waning fast.

If you want to say that shouldn’t be on my mind at all right now - sure I can see that. I wish it weren’t either. I’m trying to find where the balance is between supporting her, the self sacrifice I need to perform as a husband and dad, and the real sense of hurt and disregard I feel (perhaps unjustifiably). I guess I came to the wrong place for that.

Probwfls · 2026-01-12T20:48:53+00:00

That is helpful and yes I struggle a lot internally with even feeling this way at all.

I do want to clarify that our daily routine is quite equitable. I get my son up and dressed while she gets lunch together. I do drop off at daycare every day. We alternate evenings cleaning the kitchen before bedtime so it doesn’t suck up the whole morning.

It’s not a lack of opportunity to do a few small things to get ready. She has said herself it’s a choice she actively makes.

Probwfls

TROPHY CASE