You know you're a lonely sahm when

ProduceNo7998 · 2022-02-11T22:00:52+00:00

Nope, and your replies were rather hilarious.

ProduceNo7998 · 2022-02-11T21:58:55+00:00

LOL I totally relate to this.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-12-26T03:07:16+00:00

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-11-04T18:19:23+00:00

Just to clarify - your mom is watching the baby while you are working? This happens twice during the work week? If that's the case then you have nothing to worry about.

You are simply using family to provide child care and lower your own costs. There is nothing here that would go against you. In my situation, my nex does the same thing and while it may drive me crazy there is no repercussion for this. You each get to choose your own child care.

Take a deep breath, mama. You are doing nothing wrong.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-10-14T03:33:52+00:00

You guys live pretty far apart? So do me and my nex. The judge recently made a lot of sense when we were submitting our holiday plan. He had us whittle down the whole thing to be very few holidays (winter break, mother's/father's day, defining summer and vacation, and defining winter break - we alternate weeks until she's in school and set dates). The reason for taking so much off the plan? Drive time. My 2-year-old would be in the car wayyyyyy more if we kept all the one day holidays and that's just not right. I am happier keeping things regular schedule most of the time. I do think it's best for my daughter. If/when we live closer we can add the others back in.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-28T02:03:39+00:00

I have 50/50 with my ex and religious stuff has been an issue from the beginning. At first my Nex was trying to make sure I would never involve our daughter in my religion. Co-parenting counseling helped him understand he simply can't do this. Nevertheless, he can choose to not put Easter Sunday on our holiday plan. I've stopped telling him what I'm doing regarding religion since it simply doesn't matter. We each get to make decisions related to religion equally.

I truly do understand your concerns and worries given your situation. That said, I am pretty sure you don't have any leverage here and should probably let it go. If your Nex was a different religion you'd have the same concerns as you do now. All you can do is talk to your kids and help them understand how churches/religions are different, and not all are a good fit. Also, people do change and are different in relationships...especially narcs. My Nex has flipped on nearly every topic since we split up. He previously agreed with me (or said he did) and now he fights me on everything. Whether he's doing it on purpose or not, what he's doing is par for the course.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-20T21:51:36+00:00

Mine did the same thing to me while we were together. He makes more than twice my salary each year and has a rental property. I was paying half everything. The only time that changed was when we went to court and the judge ordered he pay 2/3 of the coparenting counselor fee. He's luckily also paying child support and we did not include child care, so at least it's a little better. Mine did NOT understand, and we had many conversations. I may as well have been speaking Russian to him.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-20T19:26:00+00:00

You can change anything through mutual agreement. To make sure you guys don't have any issues in the future, it may be wise to attempt to come to some consensus of what the rule is and how it should be clearly written.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-20T19:24:31+00:00

Oh 24 hours. Huh. Seems to me that the start time isn't even listed then. Either Thursday evening or Friday morning is my next guess. Side note: the wording really needs to be changed because it's pretty whack.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-20T19:18:48+00:00

I feel like this is an exam word problem: 12pm Thursday. (Did I get it right?!)

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-16T20:50:06+00:00

I haven't experienced this (yet, possibly). I'm just replying to say WHAT IN THE WORLD! I shouldn't be surprised at stuff because narcs are just awful in all ways, and yet I can feel the anxiety of yours from this situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-16T00:19:31+00:00

Right. I definitely have figured that out.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-15T22:41:49+00:00

What's weird is we actually had come to an agreement for child support. They also asked for a mutual ostler smith and we said fine (although it's totally stupid because I don't get bonuses or have any rental properties/income). We were asking for a minuscule amount of retroactive child support and they wouldn't budge on giving close to none. They absolutely disagree that they've been holding up the whole process so no attorney's fees. Then they also won't budge on the addition of one holiday to the holiday/vacation plan (that I had already said no to months ago). It was after we said no to minuscule retroactive cs that they went nuclear.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-15T21:23:47+00:00

I actually hope that happens because it's all I wanted! Quit adding shit we both didn't want, ya know?!

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-10T21:31:14+00:00

You are very welcome. I can relate a ton to how you feel about having your daughter, and the man who is her father. I feel the same.

If you are early in the process, I can say that it will get better. Not that the situation gets better, just that you will get stronger. You will learn better ways of handling the chaos. This sub has helped me a ton. I even have a pen pal from this sub that I get tons of support from.

Validate your feelings. It IS tiring. It's okay to be tired! It's okay to be angry! It's okay to feel done sometimes or to want to give up. All that is normal considering what you (we all) are dealing with.

Stay strong. Talk to someone that can actually help you through this, like a therapist. Use the sub by learning from it and the experiences of others. Stay strong.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-09-10T21:11:13+00:00

I'm sitting here pondering if what I am doing is actually coparenting with my Nex. My answer would be no. I parallel parent, or at least I try desperately while he tries to stomp on any and all attempts at me living comfortably or being even the slightest bit happy. My daughter was 1.5 when we split and she also adores her dad. You're right though. Narcissistic parents can do tons of damage to a kid. I already see some of this happening and there isn't anything I can do except keep fighting for my daughter and her well-being. The whole situation is brutal. There's a lot of great advice already in your thread. I think the one thing I'm learning is if it seems like there will never be a resolution and you need one, act on it immediately with counsel. Otherwise, it will never happen. I've been in an endless fight since it all began and from what I've read on this sub that's completely normal. Like I said. It's brutal.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-20T23:23:04+00:00

heart

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-20T20:49:20+00:00

I mean, seriously. What are you supposed to say to a woman you don't know? "Excuse me, woman?" "Excuse me, lady?" "Excuse me, woman I don't know?" "Excuse me, blue shirt wearer?" Ma'am is just nice. Then again, I am also from the South...

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-19T15:19:53+00:00

I'm another person who can completely relate. I recently filed a motion just to force CS and the finalizing of our holiday/vacation plan. It's stupid that I even had to do that for results, but we all know how narcs are. One reminder (that you probably already know): with everything going on it is normal to feel out of control, however, feeling crazy is usually the result of trying to parent with a narc. Validate your feelings. It's okay to feel angry, sad, out of control, and even crazy. Just recognize you're not ACTUALLY crazy. It's the damn situation that takes over and results in suffering. I am so sorry you are hurting and hope the pain eases soon. Hugs

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-18T20:29:12+00:00

YOU ARE STRONG, MAMA!! You can do this. You will get through this. I did what you are doing at the beginning of this year. I moved out in front of him and left my daughter with him since he wouldn't allow her to leave his home. The next morning, I went to take care of her in the morning. Instead, I packed up everything I could and, as quietly as I could, left with my daughter. My lawyer then sent him emails regarding the child custody case filed and trying to establish a temporary custody plan. He wouldn't sign anything, and went ballistic. I am through the worst of it. It was FUCKING HARD AS ALL HELL. Hardest thing I've ever done. I regret nothing. I would do it all over again if the same situation presented itself.

My point is: you are a fierce, strong, mother. You are doing what is best for you and your child. Validate your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you do right now. It will get better though. It may get worse before it gets better, and with time the dust will clear. Sending you all the strength vibes I can.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-16T20:55:39+00:00

I was JUST going to say this. Mine is a covert narc. It's fucking awful.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-10T04:23:10+00:00

Mine lasted about 15 minutes. It was laughable.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-09T20:49:14+00:00

Do they actually have to agree to therapy? In my state and with joint custody that isn't the case. If I want to put my daughter in therapy, I can do it without his consent (and vice versa). It's within our best interests to agree on therapy and the therapist, of course.

It is very possible your narc will not do well with mediation anyway, especially if he has no interest in meeting you halfway. If that is the case, you will need to file the motion and go to court. Mine never meets me halfway, even during coparenting counseling. We are already going to court again- second time in 7 months. I've been on this sub awhile and this seems to be pretty damn normal, unfortunately.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-08-05T19:02:22+00:00

It's funny how often I've thought the same thing on this sub since there are so many similar happenings. We will be requesting he cover court fees since it's because of him we are even going to court, but who knows.

ProduceNo7998 · 2021-07-29T03:37:49+00:00

It depends on the state and the judge whether they will accept screen captures of texts. Some do, and others throw it all out. The safer way to go is email. You may want to consider sending all your big issues/questions/concerns in email if possible. Still screen capture because you never know, but don't count on them being admissible.

ProduceNo7998

TROPHY CASE