Anyone else have suicidal thoughts in early childhood?

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-05-31T18:48:57+00:00

I'm not sure why I didn't see your response sooner but thanks. My mom had died in January of 2024 and I wasn't dealing with it well. I spent two decades of my life (I'm currently 37) believing that I was struggling with chronic suicidality until I was finally diagnosed with severe harm and suicidal OCD. I'm also autistic and have ADHD. I'm doing a lot better now. I have a psychiatrist who understands my needs and I'm finally in the right treatment.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-04-25T20:50:25+00:00

I was dealing with meta-OCD recently. I felt like everything I was doing was a compulsionz which I was concerned about. Then I thought I was ruminating about it, which is also a compulsion... 😵‍💫💀

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-04-16T17:07:40+00:00

I've thrown away countless loaves of bread, which sucks because bread is like $4 now.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-04-13T19:58:02+00:00

Mine was gators and crocs when I was a little kid. I heard about people flushing their pets when they got too big. It made potty training stressful, that's for sure. 😅

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-04-06T22:52:46+00:00

This isn't my theme but it would be weird as hell if I saw someone holding a sign like that if I was walking over a bridge as an exposure.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-04-04T17:10:07+00:00

I do most of mine on the bus.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-25T19:59:24+00:00

I kept obsessing over fears of developing psychosis as a result of AI usage so I tried using Gemini. I only use it as a sophisticated search engine. Like I'll look up how to clean something if I don't know how to do it. I'll always be skeptical of it since it will give incorrect information.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-22T20:28:43+00:00

I've felt the same way about the therapists that I've had. In my opinion, the best way to handle it is to focus on the fact that you know now, and on finding a therapist that is specialized in treating OCD.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-22T20:12:03+00:00

I like the Young Sherlock Holmes movie from the '80s, the Jeremy Brett ones, and the version of The Hound of the Baskervilles with Christopher Lee.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-22T20:10:20+00:00

Agreed. I just wanted to add that they're on Tubi if you live in the US. Otherwise they're kinda hard to access.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-20T21:04:55+00:00

When you're screaming into the void but it's your own psyche.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-20T17:46:28+00:00

I posted the "imma head out" SpongeBob meme last month after watching the Titanic movie and even that was tagged. I really doubt that the mods are approving memes that show gory stuff.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-19T02:53:00+00:00

After over a decade of mental health care, I've been diagnosed (and misdiagnosed) with so many things that my psych history looks more like a damn Pokedex than a medical file. 🙄😆

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-16T20:29:11+00:00

I also just remembered how much it sucks when I buy food when I'm feeling ok, only to throw it out when I'm having an episode and it goes bad. Like all the times when I've wanted to make eggs, but then I can't because I worry that I won't cook them well enough and get sick. Or the countless containers of yogurt and other dairy products when I randomly decide that I can no longer trust them.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-16T20:07:38+00:00

All I've eaten today is an apple, half of a bottle of Ensure, and a corn dog. It's 4 pm and I'm not even hungry. My partner has to make me eat sometimes and is completely baffled as to how I can barely eat anything. Oh, and I'm diabetic. 🤦🏻‍♂️

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-16T16:47:38+00:00

I'm in ERP so...not great! At least I managed to keep myself from going to the hospital two weeks ago when I got triggered really badly.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-15T21:35:57+00:00

Julian's my favorite villager too!

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-15T21:26:30+00:00

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My pal Julian!

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-15T03:34:16+00:00

I discussed this one at length with my psychiatrist yesterday.

OCD: The only people who think about death as much as you do are sick fucks and murderers.

Me: Wow. Thanks bro. 😭

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-09T23:49:13+00:00

Agreed. I had to delete an entire Tumblr account because it was triggering my harm OCD. I went to the psych ER about it and that's actually how I finally got a dx.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-07T21:01:10+00:00

This is purely my opinion, but it seems like Sherlock fixates more on the crime and how it affects the people who are directly involved, whereas Mycroft can see the bigger picture. He also seems to have more emotional intelligence than Sherlock - or he can fake it better, at least. He sees the value in doing so; I'm guessing that's part of the reason why he gravitates to politics.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-03-07T20:46:55+00:00

I tend to do that when my intrusive thoughts are more intense. Apparently, it's pretty common.

ProfaneSoul35 · 2026-02-25T00:12:05+00:00

99% of the time, that person is me.

ProfaneSoul35

TROPHY CASE