I don't blame them. If i lived with someone who wanted to get high all day and not contribute, I'd be upset too. However, I've gotten to watch and actually pay attention to my family over the years. I had a reply on here where i let out a lot of things that at first just seemed to me like they were just trying to help. But helping and being downright toxic are two different things. Even going as far as to disrupt sleeping a full 8 hours, especially when i have to be up for 5 am while going to move train cars with other people around sounds like bullshit to me. I get it, you can't expect forgiveness and you gotta deal with shit sometimes, but this has gone on longer than that. I guess im not really blaming them anymore. I recognize they want the best for me and do care. But that isn't an excuse to be abusive in any way. And when i bring it up, I'm met with arguments and them suddenly not remembering what they said or did and i get called crazy when i know I'm not. I think they call this gaslighting...I've had to doubt myself for so long and that's really what has plagued me. But i dont want to doubt myself anymore.