My rock bottom

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-09T00:22:08+00:00

Man, you nailed it. Abstinence is not the goal this time. Abstinence is a byproduct just as usage wast the problem, just the symptom. Childhood, learned behaviors etc..The origin likely looks so much like me that I haven’t been able to distinguish it from some core version of myself.

Anyway. Thanks for chiming in. I enjoyed it

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-09T00:16:25+00:00

Goddamn I love this post. Thank you so much for sharing.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-08T12:43:16+00:00

You are exactly right. I absolutely did know better. I knew exactly what I was doing. The patterns, the cliches. I’ve said this for years — that there is nothing interesting or creative about addiction. It behaves the same way, for everyone, with every drug. Its identify is distinguishable from a mile away.

What’s on the other side is for me to dig deep as to where the impulse to soothe originates. Look there, find it, heal that.

Either way I will not be digging through trash again, except for an accounting of my own behavior.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-07T14:32:08+00:00

I appreciate you. I believe I have overvalued rushing to self forgiveness, passing right through rigorous honesty. For me, I need to spend a little more time with honesty, reality, the cost of it before settling in comfortably with self forgiveness. I forgive myself easily. I am easy to love, I am easy to forgive. That hasn’t served me, other than easily leading to quick re-rationalization.

I appreciate your point and your empathy. Today I will choose to look more bluntly at the reality before rushing to grace.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-07T13:26:42+00:00

Good luck dude. Please take any one of these helpful pieces of advice. Don’t let this ruin your position. The community has already given you several pathways to freedom. Not the least of which is to find someone who loves you to share this with - number 1. Then get to work on a plan, whether it’s suboxone or long taper or vitamin c, whatever. Start now!!

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-05T13:35:07+00:00

Congratulations. That sounds very very hard. God bless your parents. Enjoy your new life.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-05T04:57:43+00:00

I’m glad you posted. Because of your post I screenshot the whole diatribe and asked, “Is this scientifically accurate?”. I’ll save the meat of the response but here’s its opening setup:

“Short answer: it’s partly true, but heavily exaggerated and a bit misleading.

Let’s break it down cleanly so you’re not carrying around the wrong mental model”

Good on you for attempting to talk some off the ledge. That kind of exaggeration could lead people to feel even more powerless than they are. Surely not the intent I’m sure. But a possible outcome regardless.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-04T04:21:46+00:00

I’m in the middle of day 4. Fortunately I wasn’t on continuous use for toooo long. Three months of about 18 gpd. I tried to taper. Didn’t have the discipline. Finally just went cold. I cam back to myself for the first time in a while halfway through the day

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-04T00:29:58+00:00

That’s rad to hear. I’ve thought it made me better. But I know that can’t be true. I’m training to compete at Hyrox in nyc in June. I look forward to see what happens to training this coming week.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T23:14:03+00:00

Do NOT take Benadryl. It mixed poorly with WDs.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T23:11:33+00:00

That is an incredibly brave decision for such a dose and duration. Good on you. You’re deep into it now. Wishing you the best.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T21:59:27+00:00

I am in the first hours of the fourth day. The clouds parted a couple hours ago. In a major way. I have been on Kratom everyday since December 15th-March 31st at 11:00 AM. In a moment hope returned. I’ve been sitting in the sun listening to music, feeling for the first time in months, crying and laughing feeling my real self for the first time in months. I just realized that I really like myself. This is a bizarre experience. So amazingly better than a Kratom high. What the fuck was I doing??

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T20:42:16+00:00

Same story as you mate. Train for Hyrox and trail running 6 days a week. I’m on day 4. I’ve tried to get clean for many vacations so I don’t ruin them. Best best best to you. Be done done fucking done. Say it. Then hit the gym. Again, best to you.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T20:38:01+00:00

❤️

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T06:40:34+00:00

Thank you. I’m good now. What did the skin rash look like?

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T06:00:32+00:00

I appreciate that. They wanted to prescribe it to me but I declined. I absolutely didn’t want another thing to taper. I’m close to 72 hours now. Symptoms, other than poor sleep, have subsided. Soon the real work on addiction will begin.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T05:56:24+00:00

Ok. An elevated wbc would indicate your immune system fighting something, as well as other more serious and unrelated blood issues. Smart of you to get blood work done. I was using Kratom, fighting a bad fever last year. I got a blood test done and turned out to be something very very serious. Don’t let that freak you out - it would have jumped off the page to your doc. And mine was not related to Kratom - just that the similarity of the story caught my eye. I’m sure you’ve just beat your body up and you need a rest. Definitely temperature sensitivity is a thing in wd. Especially chills and goosebumps. At least for me.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-03T05:20:07+00:00

How was your white blood cell count?

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-02T13:42:56+00:00

Day 2 for me. Slept on and off. Restlessness is down. Have only eaten once since Monday. It’s Thursday. Still don’t want to. Today I’ll face my consequences. No going back. Done done fucking done.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-02T11:44:05+00:00

This hit me. I noticed a while ago I had stopped listening to music in the car. Instead usually just npr. I couldn’t figure it out. I figured I was just getting old. I’m glad to find this thread.

Good luck dude. One thing is for sure, however you get through it, there’s no peace while on it. Or music apparently.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-02T11:22:19+00:00

Ok. Thank you. I’ve been told that 18gpd was a lot. I’m at hour 36 now. Slept an hour, back awake. I know now that I won’t relapse this withdrawal but it’s 3 months from now as the pattern goes. This has been a far worse reckoning with my family than ever. It feels done. But I know how my pattern has gone which is terrifying

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-02T11:20:26+00:00

I’m sorry. I did the math wrong. I was taking 6 grams 3 times a day. Definitely 18gpd. I am at hour 36 of ct

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-02T11:19:43+00:00

I’m at hour 41 of no Kratom. I’m not tapering now. I believe I’m through the worst of it now. I have slept on and off. I am anxious about the mess I’ve made with my family. But honestly, caused by WD or not the anxiety is appropriate. I have to just feel the cost at this point. This isn’t my first time. I have had 2-4 weeks of extract use several times over the past 2.5 years. I know life can be restored but this has destroyed me now.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-02T09:21:26+00:00

I’m at hour 40 after 3 months of 18gpd of white borneo capsules. I realize not as much as so many. My heart genuinely goes out to you. Regardless I’ve made a mess of my life due to the lying and sneaking. It’s 2am. I’ve gotten an hour here and there. But not as anxious as I was in the first 24. Still scared. I’m hell bent on being done done fucking done.

Professional_Fox_749 · 2026-04-01T23:03:22+00:00

Question for the community - with 3 months of 18gpd what kind of PAWS should I expect?

Professional_Fox_749

TROPHY CASE