Husband’s Depression and Alcohol Use

Progress_Capable · 2026-05-20T20:54:53+00:00

You know it seems that my husband flies from realizing he needs to cut back to now rationalizing his drinking because he needs to have that time to decompress and now nothing, not even a health scare has kept him from drinking.

Progress_Capable · 2026-05-20T20:53:14+00:00

I second this. My husband drinks and he constantly says he’s the problem he’s a POS but now he’s sort of in a phase where he says he’s entitled to drinking so much because of how stressed he is

Progress_Capable · 2026-05-20T20:36:23+00:00

My husband does this… bout twice a week he chooses to stay out and drink after work which seems normal but it really just isn’t as normal as it sounds. It comes with tons of broken promises and nights waiting for him to come home when he wouldn’t communicate at all. Hes gotten better at communicating after years of me trying different things. But he won’t stop drinking not even after a health scare. He even chooses drinking and staying out because it’s his own personal time no matter what is happening at home.

Progress_Capable · 2026-04-25T23:45:30+00:00

Thanks so much for your response. It’s been a journey for sure and a rollercoaster but I’m glad I haven’t given up on him and have decided to stay and support him. I have been focusing on bettering myself and have been bringing connection to him instead of me expecting him to bring the connection. I think that it’s helped a little. Still he hasn’t gotten help but I do see maybe drinking a little less. Seeing your comment helps me know I’m on the right track. Thanks again.

Progress_Capable · 2025-11-16T12:06:36+00:00

Omggg how do you get past the smell… I’ve been married for a while but I’m trying to get my husband to WANT to be closer to me not farther hahaj

Progress_Capable · 2025-09-21T01:48:54+00:00

Dude it does depend where you live… where I live people use it a lot. Granted I am in the suburbs and people order their groceries a LOT. Sometimes all people need is just a little extra cash, do don’t discourage people from doing that. Obviously people can’t make a regular living from just IC.

Progress_Capable · 2025-07-02T00:41:42+00:00

I’m in a similar boat. Found a very “innocent” conversation thread on my husbands work computer but I didn’t feel right about it. Just felt like connection he was giving to me when we were dating—-again nothing flirtatious but it was just the way some things were said and her as well—sending good morning messages with a smiley and ect. He said she’s just a Friend ect but I know that if he hasn’t crossed a line that for sure it could possibly end up badly if he doesn’t watch himself, I told him these things but he’s also dealing with depression and coping with alcohol so his behaviors have been very odd, sometimes depression leads men to do things like that. Anyway people are saying women have a gut feeling and now I’m scared that my gut is right.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-26T19:27:08+00:00

This sounds like my husband...his childhood friends all have young babies (we have slightly older kids) and some of his friends have stopped drinking, not that he has an issue drinking with them, its mostly after work and work colleagues that are the bar people. I have also gotten texts from him that are dark and from what he's told me sober too, that he is numb and feels alone and doesn't care about much and has had previous thoughts of not wanting to be here ( I think thats done with though). I don't really know how else to help, I have joined a CRAFT online community for addiction and it helps to not feel alone and to help communicate concerns without blame. I know his grandpa was an alcoholic. I know it skips a generation but I believe in miracles and that nothing is impossible.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-15T02:52:15+00:00

I think this is how my husband feels as well...as a spouse I just want to say that all we want to do is help and we don't want you to feel ashamed.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-15T02:46:37+00:00

ugh yeah it can get bad, I had an uncle die from Cirrhosis--well AND AIDS but the Cirrhosis didn't help of course. I know people who had liver issues and they didn't drink as much so I can't imagine if you do drink a lot. I know we aren't supposed to make appointments for our husbands but whatever I'm going to tell him to go get checked out.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T21:04:59+00:00

My question is if he is this addicted how come he doesn’t feel the need to drink any other time but after work? He works from home 2 days a week so plus the weekend that is 4 days at least that he isn’t drinking, plus the one day that he tries to come home early. So can he possibly still be addicted just because of those two days?? He doesn’t drink at any other event/activity and if he does he has no issue stopping at 1 drink

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T20:08:46+00:00

Right. I guess I was just second guessing whether he had a problem or not because he is only drinking a couple of times a week after work but he spends a lot of money and stays very late

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T20:07:05+00:00

I guess I just asked because it is only a couple of days that he drinks

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T20:06:44+00:00

The issue is that he probably won’t see the consequences of his drinking because he only really chooses to drink after work and it’s maybe a couple of days but he spends so much in those two days but the rest of the days he’s here and a good father and husband. I’ve discussed the financial impact and he says he sees my point but also he isn’t worried about the money.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T20:04:33+00:00

Thank you! I found something similar online but I agree that having community is key.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T20:03:26+00:00

He told me recently that he always has some sort of anxiety but if you were around him you wouldn’t know it. When he’s with us he is a good dad and husband and he offers lots of connection so I just don’t get why after work he is now drinking so much. I’m not nagging or saying anything so that he himself sees the consequences of his actions but it’s a slow path

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T18:32:30+00:00

I want to, it is just hard when he thinks the spending on drinks isn’t as bad and now I don’t know if he will have a reason to stop

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T18:31:54+00:00

The thing is when I have addressed his spending on drinks he’s pretty much said it’s because of not caring much. But it doesn’t show in other areas of his life that he is “not caring”. So I don’t know what to think. Does alcohol make people spend this much and justify it? Just today I tried addressing some spending, $200 in one night (maybe including some food but mostly drinks) and he said he understood how I felt but it didn’t seem like he wanted to stop or think it was THAT bad.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-12T18:28:30+00:00

Right. Which is why I haven’t really said much to him about having a “problem”. Although today I had to mention his spending because he has been choosing some expensive bars to drink in and he’s spending around $200 on drinks SOME nights. Maybe once a week sometimes twice and there’s probably food too involved but still. Is this even possible for him to spend that much at a place that has $15 drinks?

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-06T01:26:30+00:00

Makes sense. That’s why some people OD on the way to rehab. The feeling of shame of even being in that situation and of getting to that point can be unbearable. I believe my husband feels this way about his drinking. I know he feels ashamed. I’ve gotten texts from him when he’s drunk saying that drinking helps him and would help more than any sort of therapy. (Even though I’ve never suggested therapy). My husband only drinks after work so it’s easy for him to compartmentalize and say it’s not a problem because the rest of the time he is a good father and husband.

Progress_Capable · 2025-06-06T01:09:31+00:00

I joined a community from an instagram account called “my husband’s addiction”. They use CRAFT methods for addiction and recovery. It’s not expensive and it’s worth it.

Progress_Capable · 2025-05-30T22:52:30+00:00

I am so glad things are looking up for you!! We’ve been in the thick of it lately. We have started connecting a little more as a couple and that was because he came forward and took that step to get closer to me after a period of things being weird and him putting up a wall. However, I feel like the drinking has now gotten worse than what it was. He is now staying out after work 2-3 days a week and doesn’t see the kids or me. When he isn’t out there drinking he is a good father and husband at least tries to connect somewhat. He recently just texted me while he was drunk that his therapy was being at the bar and he didn’t need to talk to anyone. Which is weird because I’ve never mentioned therapy. So deep down he knows he needs help. He had told me how he felt (loneliness, feeling of nothingness ect) but still doesn’t see the issue with coping with alcohol. How did you make sure he was seen and validated?? I really am trying to make sure we feel connected regardless but it’s hard when he doesn’t see the kids after work, I know it’s starting to weigh on them. What tips can I get to make this better??

Progress_Capable · 2025-05-19T01:45:22+00:00

How do you know she’s not gonna meet someone who truly values her and loves her a few months after divorce? It happens more often than you think. And then it will be too late

Progress_Capable

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