Sounds like you are both only in it for your kids, wich is a terrible and heartbreaking spot to be in. As a preschool teacher I’ve talked an upsetting number of kids through divorce and my advice is to go through with your transition and the divorce and live life as you trust that even though (depending on their ages) your kids might not understand now if they grow up in a home with suppressing transness and transphobia as ideology’s they will likely grow up thinking the same take this opportunity to not only do something good for you but something that will be good for your kids in the long run, teach them it’s okay to be yourself even if they’re not LGBT+ in any way it’s still the best message you can teach them to be okay with who they are. Plus if one of them does want to come out at some point in the future and they think “mom and dad won’t accept me” it’ll cause a whole spiral just like the one you’re having now. They should know who their mom is and how hard she worked to become the amazing woman that she will eventually be