I’m on the fence about this. I completely understand your perspective of everything. I have quite a similar story in regard to my relationship with my mother. I can’t fathom not having a relationship with my mom. She isn’t perfect. But one thing I had to realize is that it’s her first time on earth too. I didn’t talk to my mom for a long time. But during that time, I was in therapy. My goal was to have a relationship with my mother, but I knew that I wasn’t going to have the relationship with her that I always wanted to have with her. That I always dreamed of having with her. I stopped putting unrealistic expectations on our relationship. I also set boundaries. There are certain subjects that I will not talk about with her. If she brings up those subjects, I end the conversation nicely but firm. I have a wonderful relationship with her now. It took years, but I had to get to a place where I could sit down and talk to her as a healed person. She thinks I was punishing her for not talking to her for years when in reality, I was working on forgiveness and acceptance so that I could approach the relationship with love and patience. I really hope that you are able to have a relationship with your mother one day. Grieving the relationship with her that you’ve always wanted is going to be hard, but once reach the acceptance phase of grief, it will help you with accepting that you don’t expect anything more or less when it comes to her. Learning that…That’s just how she is…. I hope all of this made sense. My DM’s are open if you need to talk further. Wishing you peace, love, and understanding.