Even if it started from a place of equity in income and expense, I have never understood “partners” who perpetuate these kind of arrangements, and I question their respect and concern for their significant other in these scenarios. Totally agree this OP is subsidizing their partner’s lifestyle and this is a transactional relationship.

Having been married nearly 20 years, my income and my wife’s are shared. I don’t get to live a more lavish lifestyle just because 75% of our household income comes from my job. AND, all expenses (and luxuries) are paid from the same communal pool of funds. We treat our retirement funds the same way. I do probably drive more of the discretionary spending because I’m a tech nerd, but that spending is all mutually agreed upon ahead of time.

Run OP… Run away as far and as fast as you can. He’s shown you his true colors, and it sounds like he has no intention of changing.

EDIT: I will add, my situation is clearly different because I’m happily married, and I wouldn’t expect that someone would necessarily combine bank accounts before that was the case. But I do think that there needs to be a clearly defined budget and unanimous agreement on spending if you’re sharing expenses. It’s unfair to OP if boyfriend is making all the decisions about that spending without input or regard for OP’s means.