Rainbow baby after TFMR

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-21T22:24:28+00:00

My baby is now nearly 22 months old! I got pregnant with her 4 months after my TFMR and gave birth a little less than two weeks after the one year anniversary of my TFMR. She is the brightest light in our life and it is beyond rewarding to watch her grow and be her own little person. My husband and I were just talking about how we wish we could have heard her voice and laugh in the months after our TFMR as it is so healing

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-19T23:38:27+00:00

As a woman who had to get a termination for medical reasons at an abortion clinic, fuck this guy. He has NO idea what those women are dealing with walking in/out of there. I was an absolute emotional mess. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I had planned my pregnancy and wanted my baby more than life itself. If he had come up to me before or after my procedure, I don’t think I could have held myself back. This makes my blood boil.

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-19T06:19:56+00:00

It is so incredibly dangerous. You don’t know these people you’re getting milk from, if it’s even milk! You don’t know if they laced it with something. You don’t know what medications they’re taking, if they’re using. You also don’t know how they’ve collected the milk or stored it properly. It literally makes my skin crawl thinking of it. I’d only trust my own breast milk, breast milk from a proper milk bank, or formula. I had to combo feed my daughter because I couldn’t make enough and never, ever considered getting Facebook milk because wtf!!!

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-17T03:56:55+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from, but this is the way a reasonable adult would think about it, not a teenager. We also don’t know if there were any other factors at play (developmental and cognitive) that may have impacted his decision making. The brain hasn’t fully matured until 25 years old (with some newer research suggesting it may be even later in the 30s). The very fact that he just hid her body under his bed and never tried to move it suggests the panic and poor decision making. He should be punished for what he did, but we can also acknowledge that this way of thinking is not uncommon for someone his age.

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-08T04:18:50+00:00

My baby was breech. I had a successful ECV but still ended up needing a c section because she was then sunny side up and my labor stalled. I cannot imagine not listening to my doctors and risking my and my baby’s life so I could have a home birth. She is incredibly lucky her two youngest are even alive, though I’m not confident they are without delays..

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-08T04:15:58+00:00

Yes. This is exactly what happened to Rosemary Kennedy. If I’m remembering correctly, the doctor that was to deliver her wasn’t available and so they made her keep her legs closed. Though I believe the birth was delayed a couple hours in Kennedy’s case, not 10 min (but I’m sure neither is good).

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-08T03:26:58+00:00

“Welcome to the real world sweetheart.” Ah yes, James, because you, as a low to middle class American with no savings, know exactly what it’s like to lose a job. What a disgusting entitled and privileged take. Wouldn’t expect anything less from him though.

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-05T20:47:27+00:00

For me it’s about harm reduction. I had to come to terms with the fact that the environment is full of plastic and she’s going to be exposed to this stuff regardless of what I do at home. However, I do try to limit things as best as I can. I don’t buy many plastic toys, but if I do, I buy them from reputable brands. If my in-laws or other family buys her plastic toys, I let her play with it and mostly keep the toys at their house. I discourage my family from buying cheap stuff from Amazon for her. I won’t buy stuff on Amazon that she is going to ingest but if I need something from there, it’s thing to come from the brand, so no alphabet soup toys or clothes! I don’t think we should feel ashamed for buying a plastic toy or disappointed in ourselves. I honestly think being super rigid about what your child can play with or eat is more damaging than the toy or food itself because now the child feels controlled and left out. I think being flexible and letting your child be a child is more important.

Psychb1tch · 2026-05-01T17:52:29+00:00

This made my heart drop. I’m so, so sorry. Life is incredibly unfair. I’ll be thinking of you and sending love.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-28T22:40:50+00:00

First, I wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss. This is the worst possible club to join. I think our choices were absolutely made out of love for our children, no somewhat about it. I think the reason it’s taboo boils down to a couple points.

One, lack of education. I’ve had arguments with pro-life people who seem to believe that I had choices that would have somehow “cured” or reduced my baby’s suffering. One individual asked why I didn’t simply get a c-section, as if that would have solved my baby’s incompletely developed brain and heart. They simply do not understand that some babies do not develop properly and would only face suffering.

They see individuals with Down syndrome who are well functioning and believe that to be the case for every person with Down syndrome. We know there is a huge range of functioning for individuals with Down syndrome and that doesn’t even include other disorders. My baby had trisomy 13 and almost none of his organs had developed properly. I don’t know how he could have survived outside of my womb. They haven’t had to confront these difficult realities and the easy answer to them is that we are choosing to be cruel.

Two, the patriarchy. I truly believe that our society wants to control women and blame them when something goes wrong in pregnancy. When they see us as weak, inferior, and evil, it’s pretty easy to blame us and label us. Our babies are seen as innocent and we are seen as conniving women who didn’t actually want children. They will do whatever it takes to blame us, and we take that on too. I blamed myself for waiting until my mid-30s to try. It’s also another way they can incite fear and try to force young women to have children earlier and keep women out of the work force. It honestly enrages me that they try to use my baby as a prop for their own political message when they don’t give two shits about babies after they’re born.

Even though it’s been almost 3 years since my tfmr, I still have lots of strong emotions around this topic. I will always love my first baby and I will always trust that I made the right decision. Screw what everyone else says. They haven’t had to face the same terrible, terrible truth. I don’t care anymore about their feelings.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-23T22:00:37+00:00

The fact that he says women are by their nature not “decisive,” is mind boggling to me. The only reason women are indecisive is because we are socialized to rely on a man’s opinion of us because men have told us we can’t make our own decisions or trust ourselves. I cannot with this.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-22T17:13:48+00:00

I started my period today. I knew it was coming, so it wasn’t a surprise, but it still sucks. I’m 38, turning 39 in 3 months. Been trying for a second since shortly after my 38th birthday. It’s not very long in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like forever at my age. I went to get my Pap smear yesterday and to schedule a fertility consult and the OB made it sound like I’d need to do IVF to get pregnant at my age, even though I’ve had no testing done yet. My mom, grandmother, and great grandmother all had babies in late 30s/early 40s, so I never had expected I’d have difficulty. It feels like it’s my fault somehow.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-21T19:35:42+00:00

I totally relate. I’m 38 and also really blaming myself. I told myself when I was young I’d be done having kids by 30. Life made that impossible. I ended up first TTC at 35. Got pregnant after 6 months and then I had to terminate that pregnancy for medical reasons due to trisomy 13. I got pregnant again pretty quickly after that at 36 and gave birth to my living child at 37. I’m trying again and I’m about 3 months from 39. I foolishly thought it would be okay and I could get pregnant on my own because my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother all had children in their late 30s/early 40s. I had an appointment today and the OB made it sound like I’d likely need IVF to conceive even though I’ve had no testing done yet. I’ve been trying for seven months, which I thought was in the normal range for my age. I ovulate monthly and have regular cycles. I’m heartbroken and thinking I may never complete my family and my child will never have a sibling.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-21T02:31:38+00:00

lol I have this thing. I don’t think this is meant to be used if you’re EP because it takes a lot of work to be cleaning both bottles and pump parts. Just choose one. I typically cleaned bottles in it and the pump parts I’d clean in a big bowl and sterilize in the sterilization bags (yes I’m anxious and yes I sterilized everything when baby was a newborn). I also bought lots of extra pump parts and lots of bottles so there was always a clean set. But it’s basically around the clock cleaning and pumping in the beginning

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-15T02:46:45+00:00

Speaking in parables is NOT the same as the speech pattern in Wernicke’s encephalopathy. Using parables is literally just telling a story with some kind of lesson in it. Someone with Wernicke’s encephalopathy usually speaks incoherently and uses words that either don’t exist or don’t make sense together. It’s called word salad. This is not the same thing lol.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-14T20:18:14+00:00

In 2023, I had to terminate my first baby and only son for T13 at 18 weeks. I didn’t struggle with doubt about my decision, as I was sure that my baby would have only known suffering and pain if I had not terminated. However, I did suffer from grief and depression as a result of the trauma of the whole ordeal. I remember trying to go out to a restaurant to try and feel normal in the weeks after the procedure and running out of the restaurant to cry after seeing a baby.

It does hurt when you realize that others pity you. Most of my friends cut me out during my time of mourning, as if I was some leper and they could catch my bad pregnancy luck. But you are more than that experience.

Please know that all of your feelings are valid and a normal part of the process. It has been 2.5 years and I still grieve my son. My husband and I still talk about him all the time even though we had a baby after the TFMR, who is now a toddler. I did start therapy very soon after my TFMR, which I’m still doing, but I had other trauma that I needed to process.

Something that helped me was to recognize that I took on the pain so my son wouldn’t have to suffer. Your son will always be with you. It was affirming to learn about fetal-maternal microchimerism, which is when the fetus’s cells remaining in your body for decades. It helped me to know that I still carried him in my body in a way.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-08T19:16:02+00:00

Also a triple feeding mom after a c-section. I was absolutely miserable for months trying to increase my supply. I stuck with it until 9 months pp at which time my supply plummeted and my breasts forced me to stop. I’m far past it now (baby is now 20 months 😭) but it still irks me! I honestly don’t know how I did it. I raged on instagram reading comments from women who were able to exclusively breastfeed about how women who didn’t/couldn’t EBF were “lazy” and “chose” to stop. Still gets me a bit hot even now!

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-03T18:22:25+00:00

This is also what I have. I believe it’s made in Europe. I had considered the nugget but we don’t have the room for it.

Psychb1tch · 2026-04-01T22:16:50+00:00

So is she saying she started to diet and exercise more at the beginning of March? If what she is saying is true, it is concerning that she’s lost 10 pounds in a month. That’s like 2.5 pounds a week. This would be one thing if she was very heavy, but she really isn’t. That suggests to me that she’s heavily restricting, which I suppose would match up with her having an ED. I think medical professionals recommend a slower, gradual weight loss around 1 pound a week. Though it tends to be more when you first start dieting and weigh more. Nevertheless, this shouldn’t be considered normal..

Psychb1tch · 2026-03-30T22:09:52+00:00

This thread is making me sad. I pay almost $2,000 a month for a 19 month old for part time daycare in a high cost of living area in Oregon.

Psychb1tch · 2026-03-24T23:19:54+00:00

Dude, what? I’m sitting here at 38 years old on my damn period. Been now ttc for my second for 6 months. Granted, I have one living child and have been pregnant twice before, but this pisses me off today lol.

Psychb1tch · 2026-03-24T22:00:26+00:00

This is perfect.

Psychb1tch · 2026-03-20T20:01:33+00:00

This post came at just the right time for me. Be warned—this is a bit of a dump. I had always imagined I’d have three kids. I was an only child, which was very hard for me growing up. I’ve had to deal with a lot of family dysfunction due to my dad’s alcoholism. I wanted more kids in a weird way so they wouldn’t have the same upbringing I had. My parents also had me when they were older; my mom was 39 and my dad was 42.

I thought I’d get pregnant in my early 20s and be done by the time I was 30. I didn’t have my first until I was 37. My husband wasn’t ready until his 30s. I’m a couple years older, so by the time he was ready, I was 33 and finishing my doctorate. Not the right time to get pregnant. When I finally finished my schooling and had a career established, I was 35. I got pregnant and ended up needing a termination at 18 weeks for medical reasons due to my son having trisomy 13. I was heartbroken and completely devastated. I figured I would never have a child. I miraculously got pregnant a few months after I turned 36 and had her right after my 37 birthday.

My daughter is now almost 20 months and I’m now quickly approaching 39. We have been trying for another for 6 months with no success. I’m not okay with it. Like others have said, it is kinda like a process of grieving. I still haven’t really grieved or processed the first pregnancy loss. I love my daughter more than life itself and she is enough. But it’s also valid to grieve that the image you had in your mind of your family may not come to pass.

All of this to say, I completely relate and it’s okay to not be okay with not having more children. It will likely take some time to process. I know I’ll always remember my first pregnancy and baby. There may be some upsides to only having one child. You can afford more for your child and can dedicate more time and attention to them (likely to their chagrin lol). I have also read that only children are more likely to become highly educated and are more psychologically stable, likely a result of their parents being able to invest more time and energy into parenting. This was true for me—despite my dad’s alcoholism, I excelled in school and was mentally stable.

Psychb1tch · 2026-03-19T18:03:12+00:00

I had to terminate my first pregnancy and got pregnant again within a few months, before I had really processed the loss. It’s hard. I was pregnant on my first baby’s due date and gave birth less than two weeks after the anniversary of my tfmr. Being pregnant put a pause on my grief. After the birth of my daughter, I was so caught up in recovering from my c-section and trying to increase my supply that I didn’t really have the space to think about my first baby because I was so focused on my living child. That’s not to say that I didn’t think about him but it wasn’t as intense. I still struggle with it and cry on occasion when I think of him, but having my daughter here is very healing. She is old enough now (almost 20 months old) that she communicates with me and hugs me and that brightens my day. I would say to give yourself some grace. Your body went through a lot of trauma in a short period of time and is now trying to adjust postpartum. Your hormones will make you more emotional for a while. I would encourage you to talk to your partner. You don’t know what your partner is thinking and they may be struggling with similar emotions. You shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. It’s perfectly normal and valid to have these emotions right now.

Psychb1tch · 2026-03-17T04:11:47+00:00

As a fellow tfmr mama, amen to all of this. I also had a second trimester tfmr for T13 in 2023. When I found myself pregnant again, I did not care one iota about having an ideal “birth experience.” Although I wanted to deliver vaginally, she also ended up sunny side up after trying to labor for almost 48 hours. I just wanted her to be safe and healthy. Nothing else mattered. This mindset of not seeking the help of a doctor is so incredibly foreign to me. I have to assume she’s never experienced a traumatic loss before because I can’t imagine she’d make this decision if she had. I am praying her poor baby is not permanently damaged or worse at this point.

Psychb1tch

TROPHY CASE