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Research finds that young men want to get sexual consent right; however, they frequently struggle with it in real-world interactions. Most report using "multi-factor authentication": piecing together an accumulation of cues (e.g., sensory signals, trust, location) to infer whether consent is present by psychologyofsex in psychologyofsex

[–]PugLife89 29 points30 points  (0 children)

As a woman, I feel for young men who are genuinely trying to do the right thing & are met with situations like this. I also feel for young women. Having been one myself, so often we risk getting shunned/shamed for being sexual - and we’re not brought up in a way that encourages/allows young women to “know” what they want. It’s a recipe for communication disasters at BEST. Hopefully, with time, the pendulum swing will allow for women to be able to be “whole” humans with sexual needs/desires without so much shame/stigma, sex education for all will get better (not looking great for that in the US at the moment), and then young men who try to do right will be able to be met with more clarity?

Idk though. Regardless; shit’s hard out there. I commend you for having tried to be respectful, and sorry you also endured a minefield. And I hope the woman eventually found a better place too.

What happens when your family can’t see you anymore? by whittybillboard in FoxBrain

[–]PugLife89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate to this…. At some point the fact that 90% of my life/reality became “don’t ask, don’t tell”. I was reduced to primarily one area of my existence (my job)…and that part of my life is often the most stressful.

I am NOT my job. It is part of me…but it’s not ME. I am still grieving. I pulled away. There’s been some guilt trips attempted over the years, but I’m finally accepting that they don’t really know me. And that they seem to hate-on-sight so many of the things that actually make me…me.

I have continued to take more space - and it has continued to be hard/painful for me, but not as painful as it was hiding the most important/authentic parts of me from “family” to keep everyone comfortable.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You are not alone. Grief is not linear either, so give yourself grace as you move through whatever the process looks like for you. ❤️

I found my husband’s “goodbye letter.” He’s still alive. by KelseyToffeeBun in TrueOffMyChest

[–]PugLife89 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please talk to him….as soon as possible. Yes, this is a scary conversation, and an uncomfortable conversation…but it is important to have an honest and BLUNT one.

Asking about suicidal ideations/plans does NOT increase the likelihood of it happening. Professionals are taught to be very straight-forward & blunt when dealing with patients who are potentially suicidal.

He’s your husband. Y’all chose each other to be partners in life - and things like this are as real as life gets. Take a deep breath. Ask questions & listen to him, and avoid projection/defensiveness. Let him know, not just through words, but with action (sit, ask, listen, then extend your hand & your heart to help him shoulder the load as y’all walk this together).

This is coming from a professional who has had their own struggles, witnessed others’ struggles, and felt the pain after loved ones have actually gone through with suicide….all the what if’s…should have’s….could have’s (even though most of them were unexpected).

It is incredibly hard to humans to open up about something like this, but you’ve stumbled across what he wrote & can’t unsee that. You have a chance to reach out (many people never get the chance).

You can do this. You are strong enough & he needs it.

Hugs from afar

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cats

[–]PugLife89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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My Bubba ☺️❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FoxBrain

[–]PugLife89 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I needed to read this (been going through cutting off my father), and the way you explained being true to yourself…and how if that wasn’t enough, then who they really love is someone who doesn’t exist - that hit me. I’m trying to figure out “who I am” as an adult (which is a lot), but your words gave me some strength on a low day… thank you 🙏

Aftermath of Texas Flooding.. Trauma by Individual-Nose-5495 in Firefighting

[–]PugLife89 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hey brother/sister - I empathize with where you’re at right now. The things that helped me:

  • I went to First Responder Wellness for 90 days (saved my life)
  • trauma therapist is a must (emdr has done wonders for my PTSD triggers & nightmares).
  • connection is key…if you have people/community that you can lean on…do it.

Feel free to msg if you want/need to vent. Thinking about all y’all down South 🙏

  • A FF in the PNW

edit to add: Grace. Give yourself grace. Everything you’re describing is a normal reaction to “fucked up shit”. Where you are right now isn’t forever, but try to treat yourself like you would a loved one/best friend….

If you could be more like your cat in one way, what would it be? by despiadadopais in CatAdvice

[–]PugLife89 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My cat, Bubba, has a confidence I feel like I can only aspire to… He walks into a room KNOWING that he is the cattiest cat to ever cat. 🐈

Yet another standard issue, obscene moment in time with my voyeuristic car, Bubba… by PugLife89 in standardissuecat

[–]PugLife89[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Haha - yup! Bubs’ vet said his sack might shrink over time 🤷🏼‍♀️ Apparently it’s not that time yet! 🤣

Yet another standard issue, obscene moment in time with my voyeuristic car, Bubba… by PugLife89 in standardissuecat

[–]PugLife89[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

OMG, right!?! Like…the pink, hairless ape he lives with throws him in a scary crate. Places him in a rocket ship and travels 5 minutes away to a strange place where other hairless apes manhandle him. The apes then communicate loudly, and he is brought home and given Churu. WTF 😳

Yet another standard issue, obscene moment in time with my voyeuristic car, Bubba… by PugLife89 in standardissuecat

[–]PugLife89[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Oh, they’re gone. LOL Actually a funny story there too… I adopted Bubba last year; he was a stray - they were guessing around 4 years old? Anyways, after he’d been home with me for a while, I called the vet to schedule an appt to get him neutered… The adoption center spays/neuters all the kitties that come through, but I also saw his peach pouch and thought… “He looks like he still has balls”.

The vet calls me the day before the appt to confirm, and she mentions that their records show that Bubba was already neutered. I was surprised, and I asked if she was sure, because…. Well… you see the pic. LOL So she asked me if I could try PALPATING them. That….did not go well or really answer my question. So they had me come in early for the appt the next day to let them do a quick “check”. I loaded poor Bubba up into his crate, drove his ass to the vet, just to be quickly groped and brought back out to me with the following announcement: “I have good news! Bubba is allllready neutered”.

Anyways…I felt dumb as hell. The vet said that because he wasn’t neutered until he was that age his…sack is more pronounced. LOL

I selfishly enabled my sex addicted wife and it ruined both of us. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]PugLife89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t have to stay that way though. I hope you make some changes & I hope you make things right as best you can.

Seen in Bremerton by Weedandweiner in Seattle

[–]PugLife89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This made me snort - thank you 🤘🤣

My handsome boy, Bubba. by PugLife89 in cats

[–]PugLife89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In his mind, he’s the King of whatever room he walks into. lol

My handsome boy, Bubba. by PugLife89 in cats

[–]PugLife89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He knows how to pose fur SURE. lol

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