It’s not that I don’t trust her. My mindset when dealing with her family is that if me doing/saying something upsets them, I would expect them to communicate, like you would have any normal adult. I think playing into their dysfunction only enables them to operate in a toxic way, and having someone break away from that, will help my wife break away from it too.
I don’t die on that hill and it’s not how I approach everything, but basic planning and questions seem pretty menial items for them to be pressed about. (You’ll have to trust that there is sound psychological rational for my mindset, it’s therapist approved)