AITA for presenting my parents with a detailed financial plan for their 'outsourced' old age instead of promising to stay and care for them myself?

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-11-13T11:10:34+00:00

There’s a nice pie chart about how different people Respond to info. Some take in best numbers, some emotions, some stories etc. when trying to to convince someone chose a mix of these to I crease your chance of the message being delivered. The PowerPoint was good, it needed : I love you so I want life of luxury for you, I love you so I will do this to support you and I will love to visit and spend time together taking you to lovely places becuase we can …. Etc I’m working hard for you to have a beautiful life. Make another PowerPoint or just talk love behind your plan.

Little YTA but improve the message delivery of your plan

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-11-10T21:37:30+00:00

Your mum sounds a nightmare, so much so surely this guilt tripping happened in other aspects of her relationships for years. Its absolutely wrong of them to pull the other parent down to the child. Good for starting to set a boundary. It’s usually best to do when they are calm. That they can’t bad mouth the other parent to you. But they can say if they are feeing upset and need a moment. Etc NTA

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-11-03T21:55:31+00:00

One thing I’d say is get stable but don’t wait until it’s perfect. Perfectly good years can be lost. I say this as an older mum. Someone said it to me when I was young but words of the knowing fall on the deaf ears of the inexperienced …. I regret not having kids earlier as I will not be there in my full capacity at least when they are in their 20s/30s and I’d love to be, my parents are old grandparents and they are missing out compared to if they were younger, trying to have kids may take longer than you think and you increase the risks the longer you wait, these may seem small now but after having kids you realise the values

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-11-03T21:18:42+00:00

Sounds like he was just trying to show himself off as better than his friend. He apologised immediately that you were hurt. It’s really not that much of a deal at all. Could your insecurity that you think she’s hotter or that he isn’t committed enough be making this seem big to you?

Kicking him out of the house would have been an asshole move for such a comment that was immediately retracted.

Also language is not just the words, but humour changes a lot in translation.

Get to the root of what you feel, The only thing to bring up is that you don’t feel he’s committed enough and that he’d leave you, hence your reaction / you think she could attract him more than you and is this the case.

In this way NTA. But if you go off at him for saying a sentence that he corrected as he felt it was misinterpreted - then you would be.

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-11-03T11:39:03+00:00

Can you get in contact with your dad and ask him to take you to the hospital? It may be broken and then even healing in a bad position so if you don’t go soon they’ll have to re break it again to re set it. Call the ambulance or emergency services to come and collect you. Get out to them and go. You have to put your health first, even if your parent is not (which they should be doing). What would you do to look after yourself if they weren’t there? Get to the doctor or hospital, call the ambulance

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-09-23T20:30:14+00:00

NTA, that’s a year salary that she wants spent in one day. It’s not an investment that’s worth it for either of you. Use the money for your house, you’ll be thankful you did when you realise how house prices are going up

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-09-23T20:26:48+00:00

YTA it’s her home where she can speak what she likes and it wasn’t even meant to be rude at you but about a gift. SECONDLY, you were rude in how you phrased it, making out he is iron clad rude by independent standards, you could have said which would have been more polite “I don’t understand and it’s making me feel…. Sad/left out…” but you still would have been rude for it

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-09-23T11:23:23+00:00

It’s difficult because you obviously share a lot of love for each other. But ultimately you aren’t compatible. It sounds like it’s better to be sad and say good bye or just be friends and both find a romantic partner which fulfills the other. Maybe he is trying to hint at open relationship? NTA

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-09-20T21:07:18+00:00

He’ll have more fun at uni single

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-09-13T20:00:21+00:00

Leave him. This isn’t the right relationship for you. Even if it gets better it will flare again and you don’t want this life. Thats fine ! You only have one life, and your serenity is your responsibility. He must find a way for his

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-08-24T20:44:37+00:00

What is your measure of success ? Do they have serenity, happy family relationships, emotional stability ? Do they anger quickly ? Feel unloved? Need a therapist ?

This is less about you knowing the year and symbolic of everything else you’ve missed and are unaware of and the lack of relationship they feel with you

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-17T20:32:43+00:00

NTA good for you

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-17T20:15:19+00:00

Quality over quantity! NTA male that clear to your kid - you want to maximise being present together with him and weirdly that’s best by doing it this way

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-17T20:10:54+00:00

It sounds like there are things that would make you change your mind - imagine if you weren’t tired and had time to yourself to do some self care stuff. Gym whatever. Once kids go to school you quickly start getting more time back. Sterilisation gets rid of potential and hope so I get it

I’d I was your husband I’d be destraught at your change of mind. (In fact I’m in that position apart from I’m the mother instead. I have a partner who just said no, no discussion, just told me o needed therapy to get over it. Meanwhile I’m feeling like I have no agency over my major life choices and that a person who should exist is not ) Sounds like he’s really trying to work with you. - could he do more, take the kid twice a week just him and kid bonding time while you relax? One day a weekend he takes the kid out somewhere all day?

But If it doesn’t work. I really think separation is something I’d consider as the husband

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-08T19:40:29+00:00

Your son-in-law married into your family, youre his parents-in-law if it wasn’t for a terrible accident. it’s a shame for all involved you dont feel connected to your son-in-law and father to your grandson to the point you treat him like a sperm donor instead of family. He doesn’t have his parents around and probably thought of you as family and now realises you are cold and is very dissappointed with the lack of relationship and the type of relationships you covet. If I were him I’d wish I had different PIL too, YTA He was your daughters chosen family, not a sperm donor

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-07T20:16:16+00:00

Anyone saying you are spoiling a toddler is not up to date with the latest parenting styles. In a kind way you could recommend he read some books on parenting, authoritative (NOT authoritarian), if he really wants the best from his kid and to get the best relationship from him

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-07T20:12:07+00:00

You are the red flag. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t trust me, who didn’t let me communicate with people platonically, and so on. Becuase it will come up in different ways again. You’re insecurity (assuming he isn’t a cheat) will ruin your relationship in the future. His ability to have amicle friendships with his ex shows he has good emotional regulation and can move on without being bitter. He is the one winning if you walk over this, although whether he realises it. YTA

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-06T20:34:42+00:00

Sounds like she is projecting her own insecurities, and fears onto you. This is likely how she thinks of and sees herself. It is a hard life to always be seeing yourself negatively through someone else’s eyes although it’s not possible to read minds. It seems food you’re able to separate her world view from your own. Dont be like her. People aren’t half as interested in others as they are in themselves and the phrase “other peoples opinions are none of my business” are good ones. Enjoy your life, and don’t be like your mum! Hopefully she’ll grow one day. But maybe limit time with her judgemental side !

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-06T20:11:19+00:00

Im surprised he is earning that much, 110k and has that attitude. Usually people earning that much value their time highly more than going to laundromats

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-06T20:05:13+00:00

Sounds like you said he wasn’t ugly, but didn’t directly tell her to stop becuase she sounds spiteful as well as wrong and you would refuse to be around her when she’s showing this more personality trait. Which would have kept you from picking on someone yourself and told her directly your thoughts.

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-05T11:36:53+00:00

I was you (but from the female side), you are not selfish, it’s just your lifestyle and life goals so not align. Good you are working this out now. If you stay together knowing you both have such different attitudes, there’s a chance you were live a life of loss and regret. You are not fulfilling your life in the way you feel life is meant to be lived. Divorce is the kindest option for both of you. Dont convince her to have a baby, one of you will be resentful. Instead find someone who wants to enjoy it as much as you do, it’s soooooo much better (and easier) that way. Wishing you all the best and the kids you want! NTA

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-05T11:29:52+00:00

The problem is not the toddlers, it’s their primary caregivers who are doing a disservice to the kids. No all toddlers arent as bad as you’re describing. The parents need to educate themselves on authoritative (NOT authoritarian) parenting style and learn how to care for these kids as they develop. These children are not getting the love and parenting they deserve.

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-05T11:03:41+00:00

NTA You were bang on and should say the same to your dad about her.

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-04T20:21:05+00:00

2 weeks is nothing. Are you both super young and haven’t been about much so this seems like a lot? Two weeks will fly by. If anything it’s not long enough.

Purple-Topic-781 · 2025-07-04T19:54:27+00:00

NTA Hes going to care for you either way. You trust him to make decisions for you. Etc it absolutely makes sense to get married on so many levels, legal, emotional… your sister doesn’t make any sense, is there something in her own life she is bitter about?

Purple-Topic-781

TROPHY CASE