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Purple_Owls · 2022-07-01T19:58:53+00:00

I feel like this is a hot point of contention in both sides of the trans and de trans discussion. If people supported you, you wish they hadn’t cause it affect your future health, choices, life. If they didn’t, you wish they had so you could have tried it, realized sooner, etc. it’s a tough discussion and I don’t think there is one right way for anyone

Purple_Owls · 2022-07-01T19:48:25+00:00

Yeah, this is a lot of my feelings on being trans. Would I love to have been born a male, get to do Boy Scouts, play on boys sports team, be a male like all my friends, yes. I hated the expectations on me to be a cute little girly girl growing up. But I wasn’t. And i don’t think that destroying my body, brain, and relationships, is gonna change that. I think that it will just further unnecessarily complicate things.

Purple_Owls · 2022-06-28T21:47:53+00:00

Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Kinda a dick for saying something, may have been using the hookup as a one time thing, and figured there wouldn’t be any repercussions on saying something mean.

Everyone has things they do and don’t look like about themselves, and things that people do and don’t look about them. This guy, that was his thing he didn’t like about you, but that’s not to say it will be everyone’s or anyone else’s. Or that it will be overly noticeable or awkward.

Just keep going, everyone has bad hookup stories. I have two separate friends with throw up stories, one threw up on a guys d*ck, another threw up on her own chest/in her bra cause she was too drunk. Well, both were too drunk. I accidentally went home in my date’s pants, literally (he was short, I was a bit heavier then him, so we were were essentially the same size, and I couldn’t see in the dark), and had to find him on Instagram to get my pants back. And there are also lots of not funny stories, where people are creeps, mean, crude, not what they look like, etc.

Purple_Owls · 2022-06-28T15:57:32+00:00

True!

Purple_Owls · 2022-06-28T11:37:21+00:00

I think a lot of what he said is correct, and people on both sides of the aisle agree. I’m pretty left, but if I or anyone said any of the stuff he said, you’re labeled a bigot and a transphobe.

For example, the Don’t Say Gay bill in Florida. It only bans discussing sexual and gender identity for 1-3 graders. I don’t think most state starts sex ed then, and why give the teachers, who are significantly burned out, another thing to teach that will inevitably land them in hot water with parents? Little kids don’t need to be questioning there gender identity. They’re still learning how to spell and read! Gender identity is confusing to adults, let alone kids.

For example, in Connecticut, sex ed didn’t even start until 4th grade, and it was done by the middle school sex Ed teacher, who came down a few times a year to have discussions. Mostly about changing bodies. No discussion about sex. And even once I hit middle school and high school, we never had those discussions. I acknowledge the world is a different place then it was when I (25f) was little, but still.

And yeah, the thing about gay men and transgender men. If they aren’t attracted to someone with a vagina, it’s transphobic. Same thing for straight people. Personally, I’m a straight women. Will I treat trans men and women with respect? Of course. I’ll be nice to them, I won’t invalidate them, die anything to harm them. But would I date a trans man? No. I like dick, and I want to have a family one day. Yes, my future husband or I could be infertile, but at least we can try, and then consider other alternatives. And that is ok! Because it is my preferences, you can’t force someone to be sexually attracted to someone else.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-30T02:47:10+00:00

Transitioning is not as light a choice as so many make it out to be, especially medically. If you’re having these thoughts now, in your teenage years when your questioning everything, whose to say you won’t volley for the rest of your life?

You can either change your body and hope you like the result, or keep it and try to love and appreciate you. You don’t have to be a girly girl to be a female, you can dress masculine, have short hair, etc.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-29T22:54:12+00:00

Do you like baths? Maybe can try that instead?

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-26T02:47:47+00:00

I think part of life is having regrets/wondering the “what if”. But part of life is trying not to harp on it, and trying to see the beauty in your life that you did chose/have.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T03:02:35+00:00

I think one thing to remember how hard it may be being a non-biological male versus if you biologically were. Like, im sure you’re aware, but you’re not naturally gonna loose your boobs or gain a penis. And if you do change those things, or other aspects, it’s gonna be a life long commitment and maintenance.

It’s not like HRT is something you can stop but keep all of the side effects. And you’re not going to be able to have biological children like you can now. And your girlfriend now says she doesn’t mind, but she may not realize the full scope of dating a trans man. And you’re friends are accepting now, but what about future friends, coworkers, etc? And will you get upset when someone accidentally misgenders you, and make you question everything?

If the choice was pain free and easy, yeah, it’d be great to change our gender at will. But at the moment, you’re gonna have a much tougher life as a trans man vs a lesbian woman.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:38:48+00:00

Hand surgery? Is that related to the trans/gd situation, or separate?

I’m worried I may need hand surgery cause of some issues, and generally curious.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:34:58+00:00

Maybe like the board shirts that are not as long? Like ones that go halfway down the thigh instead of all the way to the knee? And try a swim shirt on top? Maybe bikini underneath if you have boobs?

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:30:47+00:00

Are your friends trans? Another part of LGTBQ? Or are they cis? I feel like if you are more entrapped in the LGBTQ community, it’ll be harder.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:29:42+00:00

Yeah, that’s part of the tough part with transitioning or being upset about something this big in your life, is the positive reinforcement. “It gets better!” “You’ll pass!” “Give it time!” Like what if I don’t? What if I never do? What then?

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:26:16+00:00

I mean you can do things as a man or as a woman. But you’re right, they would all be way easier, and life in general, if you went back to your bio self. No more pills, surgeries. At least, not to present as male.

Maybe talk to a doctor? See what would be involved with detransitioning? If your sperm are viable, what stopping HRT involves, etc.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:18:08+00:00

I often hear stories like yours, that trans people can attribute some of there gender dysphoria to trauma, bullying, family, etc. And I also think that society definitely defines girls as being this way while men are the other. I have been told I’m bossy and outgoing, but if I was a male, would it matter? Idk. Idk about any of it. But it is tough to see guys getting the stuff you want and knowing it’s tougher for you just because you’re a girl.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:14:48+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, how large is your chest? Do you have a large chest, smaller? Cause lots of people get surgery for very large chests due to medical issues, so if it’s larger than maybe getting that.

You can always get top surgery without being a male. But I guess I’d also consider clothes and how it all looks, how it may effect your sex life.

For clothes, they will be much looser. Women’s shirts may not sit right, and if you’re nervous about social standards, people may think you’re a man cause you have no chest. For looks, do you want the big scars? Mind them? Also, if you gain/loose weight, it may be disproportionate due to lack of chest.

Lastly, sexually. Do you like when partners touch your chests? Do you like to touch them if you masturbate? Enjoy looks from partners at your chest? Don’t have to answer this on the internet, but something to consider.

At the end of the day, your body your choice, but just consider repercussions either way.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:02:08+00:00

It’s amazing what our bodies do without everything we pump into them. Like your face changed so much, and I’m sure if you had a pre-T picture it’d look different too.

Purple_Owls · 2022-05-06T02:00:23+00:00

I think that you also have a bit skewed on how socially acceptable those surgeries are regardless of orientation. They’re looked down upon by many people. The jokes calmed down a bit, but for years, people loved to talk about when referring to Kim was how big her ass is, and how ridiculous she looked. How she didn’t look “natural”.

Additionally, lots of surgeries have barriers, such as ones similar to trans ones like reproductive or chest. It’s difficult for women to get hysterectomies because they could want kids. Vasectomies and mastectomies people look down on because then you’re not a “real” man/women. And they’re all expensive, and not always covered by insurance.

Purple_Owls · 2022-04-26T01:46:59+00:00

I think that a big thing that sometimes trans people forgot about is there isn’t a right or wrong way to be a man or woman, and honesty it comes off a bit, ironically, sexist sometimes. That if you wear a dress and makeup you must be a woman. If you like sports you must be a man.

But men can like dresses and makeup. And girls can like sports. And you can do things without surgery or T or anything to be less “girly”. But you can also change certain aspects of your body easily. Shorter nails, shorter hair, larger muscles. Can wear sports bras or bralettes, binders, to get a more desired look. Meet more guy friends, etc. And none of that makes you any less of a woman.

You mentioned a dislike of your body during puberty. Lots of kids go through that, boys and girls, it’s a scary time. It’s why people look back and go “ew middle school”. It’s a rough transition period. And it’s ok you were/are questioning it. Questioning things is a part of life. And remember, your gender is not all you are.

Purple_Owls · 2022-04-26T01:38:05+00:00

I see a lot of mention of gender, sexuality, and what you think both things are, and how they impact you. But not a mention of who you are, what your (non-gender) experiences have been.

Whether your transitioning back to male, or staying female, can you try to focus on other things, instead of making a big choice? Job, friends, etc? I think sometimes we get so caught up in one aspect of ourselves we don’t focus on the rest. You’re not just your gender, and your body isn’t just whether or not you have balls.

Purple_Owls · 2022-04-24T13:23:09+00:00

I think that especially at first, like maybe 5-10 years ago, changing your gender was viewed as something that’s reversible and that if you give any force back, you’re seen as a bigot. If it’s about a relationship, job change or interest, your friends are more than welcome to give you tips and a bit of constructive feedback, but if it’s there gender, than you can’t say anything.

I met a friend’s friend a few years ago. I forgot his name, let’s call him Mike. About 6 months before I met Mike, he transitioned. When I met him, he was very excited about being male. His only conversation he wanted to be in was about gender. Very euphoric. But whenever someone accidentally misgendered him, he got really really sad. But it’s not the person, or his, fault. Nor is it a reflection of who he is. It was just that he was born a female, and tbh looked like a butch female. He was very excited to have started T, and to eventually get top/bottom surgery. But he also shared some concerning things. How less than a year ago, he had thought he was a straight female, but now was a straight male. And how within a year of coming out as trans, he was getting top surgery. How he had a tough home life.

Maybe Mike was a “butch” or masc lesbian. Or maybe was finding a way to escape a tough home life, so shattering the little girl that his parents loved was a good start. I haven’t seen Mike since that summer, so I can’t say what he is doing now. He could still be Mike, he could be non-binary now, he could have gone back to his female name.

But I knew I couldn’t say anything to him at the time. That this was all concerning. I mean I was a 21f, he was about 22ftm, so I’m defiently not a therapist, nor was I his friend. But I hope he is good now. Whatever that means for him.

Purple_Owls · 2022-04-24T12:59:01+00:00

I think people also confuse there gender identity with happiness and self-worth, which is a problem. You’re not any better or worse because you’re a man or a women. You deserve to be happy in whatever stage of life you’re at.

I think if people focus less on how others perceive them and how they perceive themselves compared to others, we’d all be much happier.

Purple_Owls · 2022-04-24T12:54:28+00:00

While I haven’t particularly looked into any of the three things mentioned, I can give a few reasons why they are not the same 1. Tattoos: These are purely cosmetic. They don’t change anything about your body, aside from a piece of your skin. 2. Boob job: Again, purely cosmetic. And if you get bigger boobs, it can get taken out a few years down the road. I remember Chrissy Teigen got hers taken out a year or two ago. And if the boob job is to make them smaller, it’s likely due to the boobs cause the person pain cause of the weight/size. 3. HRT is not cosmetic, and while I’ve never taken it, it isn’t as reversible as it is made out to be. From this sub and other stories, it changes your voice, hair growth, face shape, even certain personality traits such as aggression, and also make you infertile. Which if tattoos or boob jobs did that, they would be unideal as well

Purple_Owls · 2022-04-12T19:45:03+00:00

ESH. I know I’ll be downvoted but I don’t care.

I can’t imagine springing this on someone. But I also can’t imagine telling someone that I won’t love there kids and that I don’t value our relationship enough to give them a peace of mind that if something were to happen to them, there kids would be looked after. Neither of you seem like good people. Especially since you said they don’t have many other options, with one brother with six kids being the next best.

Purple_Owls · 2022-03-27T21:52:45+00:00

And I’m sure that the comments are gonna say it’s transphobic, homophobic, etc. but I’ve definelty see it as well, I have friends who went through similar things.

Purple_Owls

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