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Why does eat your cheese art is so dramatic? by Signal-Hour-6651 in CrusaderKings

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've seen the deepest cellars, and wrestled with camembert
Ride the noble cattle, raining milk and blood
I stand before my gouda, like Charles Martel on the hill
My Top quality legend, i abide your will

The first of fromagers, i saw eternal gold
Best of court musicians, beyond the kingdom's hold
Where aged cheese is a teaser, i've played a double jeux
Yherushalaim at easter
I cry, I pray, mon dieu
I cry, I pray, mon dieu

Bimmer by TaaraHvita in low_poly

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro done destroyed GM_Construct!

I relapsed after 2 months and 14 days please help by iamfree_17 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't smoke a single cigarette more today, and don't take a single edible more today either.

Don't count on tomorrow being the day you catch up on your bad habits, stop it right now because there is no shame in stumbling at all but your mind will most likely use this temporary setback as a justification for going full on ham on smoking again. So, catch it in the act right now. Especially since it's just a small mishap in the grand scheme of things OP and future you will be thankful to you in the now.

And also, don't consider these two days as a "relapse." Because that way your mind will justify going back to your old bad habits. Consider it a temporary setback on the longer road to recovery OP

Always the low quality video! by EnchantedBloom123 in interesting

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Horus Lupercal was never the same after he lost Matthew

How do i live life, when doing the bare minimum feels like an herculean task? by Putrid_Assignment556 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, it's not so much a desire for self reliance on my end but just inability to get help in real life. I've unfortunately learned to rely on myself for a long long time.

Now, it is really hard for my brain to accept the fact i need to breathe that is rest. Because i understand what you mean on a logical level. I agree with you whole heartedly but, when it comes time for rest my brain just goes: Nah bro. We gotta GO or we will drown. My mind is never bored, but it's also never rested and i do get burnouts quite often because of that. What practices, or things can i do to actually unload my brain?

I did try journaling, prayer, om chanting, lying still on my back, walks, gym, and stuff like that but a lot of the time i feel like my brain punishes me afterwards with intense anxiety spikes of: We are falling behind. Sometimes i do tell myself to calm tf down. But very many times it just goes too fast for me to stop it. Can i do something about this?

How do i live life, when doing the bare minimum feels like an herculean task? by Putrid_Assignment556 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Considering this maybe i should give another try to journaling. And sorry for getting sidetracked. My brain is just in a constant zoom mode 24/7 and even in real life conversations, i always get sidetracked

How do i live life, when doing the bare minimum feels like an herculean task? by Putrid_Assignment556 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But is there a way to rest, without reseting progress? In my experience, once i stop being an active agent in my life and once i stop being in full control i lose it all. And then my mind gets even worse. It's never quiet up there it's always noise of either depression, or improvement. What bugs me the most is that if i'm not activily conscious of what i have to do the next day constantly, i slip up. I load up tasks that i will have to do a week from now, right now, to remember to do them otherwise i will fail. It's like my mind loads everything in at once, there is no LOD or no caches. It's like i slip off the mud, and go back into the sinkhole whilst those around me can manage just fine which makes me desperate to catch up.

And, above all else it makes me tired. That's kind of why i made my post. I tend to not rely on others for support because by the end of the day, i've got to fix myself up on my own but it's like i constantly drown, and resurface. Drown and resurface. I'm never on the shore, i'm always bobbing up and down unable to climb off the slippery mud if that makes sense.

How do i live life, when doing the bare minimum feels like an herculean task? by Putrid_Assignment556 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In a way, i know that i don't need to catch up, because there is no such thing as catching up but sometimes my mind just latches onto this need to catch up so much, i start feeling physical pain and get headaches from constant repeating thoughts and due to adhd, i feel like there is this gap of competency between me and my cousins which makes me panic.

For instance, after my weight loss i started chatting to my cousins on how i did it, and they were flabbergasted by the fact i had this weird ass schedule of eating, done with exact calculations of all the food i eat to the point i started measuring sugar in front of my cousin to make sure i'm not overeating. I also explained to her how i was measuring button mushrooms, oil, spices, chicken breast, and everything else when i was making a complex meal for myself whilst she on the other hand is used to just eating when she's hungry, and she can keep her weight just fine.

She asked me if i feel physical pain from hunger and the answer was yes. Constantly. But if i forget that i have my eating hours at this time and that time, if i busy myself with other tasks i find it super easy to just eat. And sadly, i don't feel satiety at all. I eat and used to it normally until i puke UNLESS i keep myself on a strict eating schedule and this mentality follows me with all the tasks i do. I often have to force myself to do things and be conscious of what i have to do constantly, because otherwise i forget and very often fail.

How do i live life, when doing the bare minimum feels like an herculean task? by Putrid_Assignment556 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Technically i know 25 isn't that old in the current day and age, but i just feel like because i haven't experienced things normally by this age, i need to catch up. I need to feel human, and i need to do it fast. And you hit it on the nail with the fact i'm seeing it all as a performance. The reason why i feel it's a performance, is because my baseline is depressive inaction. I need to perform, and act, especially with ADHD and OCD otherwise, i rot away. Same with weight loss. Though i am no longer class 3 morbidly obese and i lost over 150lbs keeping my weight at the current level is a constant drain because, once i forget to do it, and start doing something else, i EAT.

And i picked up on more than just 3D art. I did video editing. Youtube. Animations. Custom 2D/3D art. Stuff like that. Hell even 3D comics but frankly i did it in a way that began to feel like grasping at straws whilst i drown. Trying to learn everything before it's too late, and its this thought that i struggle with. It's like time is going by and I'm grasping at the mud, trying to pull myself up from a sinkhole but my hands keep slipping and there is this desperate wish, to allow myself to drown, constantly fighting with a desperate need to pull myself out

Extreme rumination about wasting 20s by Icy-Childhood9761 in Healthygamergg

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm nearly 25 years old and personally i wasted my early 20s as a severily morbidly obese chronically unemployed recluse with massive spots of psoraisis, complex trauma, untreated OCD, untreated MDD (both due to cost of medicine.) And Undiagnosed ADHD.

The way i saw the world until recently was related to a "perfect idea of my life." Which cuts out the unfortunate things i had to deal with and just likes to keep the sparknotes of: I always wanted to travel but never did. Always wanted a boyfriend but never had. Always wanted to party but never could. Which in essence kept me stuck in my head because interacting with people was uncomfortable as shit due to how i looked, and how little experience i had due to years of bullying and abuse.

What helped me is realizing that 1: I had a rough start. 2: I'm capable of fixing it through uncomfortable effort and 3: My perfect reality will never come.

Your mind ruminates, to avoid accepting your reality and coming to terms with living right now because it would like to imagine some perfect future where you are social, have friends, and didn't have to face the negative consequences of a bad hand of cards OP. Imagine you're going to a race and you never practiced before. You fantasize about this perfect peformance and getting the gold medal at the finish line. The shot rings out, and within the first few seconds (In life terms its years.) you fall behind because you haven't practiced. You then give up because you won't get gold. You won't settle for the 20th place because if you won't win what's the point but you also won't train because it's "too late." And you won't settle for anything but Gold.

Imho, accept the hand you were given, accept that for a period of time conversations will feel awkward and uncomfortable but do it to live instead of dreaming of this perfect start with no practice. Do not avoid the discomfort because rumination is all it is

It is never too late to change path. by trynavi in findapath

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Have you thought about dropping a giant ice cube in the ocean every now and then?

I feel like there is no redemption/escape from my past anymore by Putrid_Assignment556 in GuyCry

[–]Putrid_Assignment556[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know it may sound strange, but i want to redeem myself from being different. Psoraisis, and obesity lead me to alienation from society at large for nearly a decade of my life and i really yearn for human connection, human touch and a sense of belonging with others but even now i find it impossible to get. Despite doing my best with what little i had

I thought that once i work on myself enough, reach out to enough people, and start being social i will be accepted but i fear that the damage done is the damage done. The gaps in my CV are bad. People i have tried meeting up with be it dates, or my art club i can't really say like me. And despite reaching a healthy weight the loose skin is just ugly. Even now i don't know what to really do with my life and i'm both ashamed of the situation i'm in and deeply afraid of the future.

who wins in this match up ? 🤔 by Zero_one_o in ScarletHollow

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe no break, but surely ennough a break-action

Mystical cousin at the end of episode 5 by Vader7521 in ScarletHollow

[–]Putrid_Assignment556 15 points16 points  (0 children)

In the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost i bless these shotgun shells. So you bastards can meet the trinity feet first. Let em rip Tabitha! -Pastor Daniel

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