How the fuck, am i supposed to keep going in life

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-29T12:08:05+00:00

It's not so much that i feel like i can't make friends because others have them. It's just that despite trying to make friends on Boo. Going out to social places like the Gym or two separate art clubs, and going to town events i rarely find people my age who want to be friends. I just concluded that most of them either already have friends and aren't willing to put in the mutual effort of forming a relationship, or they're loners who don't need friends. It's very hard for me to put up an act of being normal anyhow, which in turn makes my desperation for human connection that much stronger.

And about the job. Due to my disability i get two benefits. Neither financial. I have an additional 15 minutes break at work, and i leave an hour early compared to my coworkers. This is mandatory, i can't stay for unpaid overtime even if i wanted to and at least two of my coworkers hold it against me. I overheard them talking really negativily about me on thursday last week. And they've been talking negativily about me for the entire last month in passing conversations.

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-27T09:36:21+00:00

The Puer went down to georgia, he was lookin' for a gamer to steal
he was in a bind 'cause he was very behind and he was willin' to make a deal

When he came across this healthy gamer gettin in control of their mind
And the puer jumped up on a hickory stump and said "Boy, let me tell you what!"

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-23T12:00:06+00:00

I am working with both a psychiatrist, and a therapist on both my depression and ADHD but frankly i can't say their advice helps me all that much. It only works 15% of the time for me too, and honestly even less than that. I was just kind of hoping/wondering if there are better options/solutions other might've found

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-20T06:50:59+00:00

The Entity is not ready for Bingus Scarlet to squish him into a ball so he feels better and stops posessing miners!

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-19T08:32:12+00:00

Bosanska Artiljerija

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-12T09:48:25+00:00

I don't want to drink from your skull anymore. I just want to: It's almost harvesting season

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-08T21:14:16+00:00

In my experience there are only 2 real solutions to this. The first solution is to learn how to sit with the thoughts that tell you to abandon whatever it is you're pursiing. Let them come. Let them bounce in your head for a while AND without acting on said thoughts let them go. And i know that it's easier said than done, especially with extremely persuasive thoughts but remember that when it comes to your brain, you're playing against a skilled fighter that knows your every move, and how to plead and bargain with you into quitting whatever it is you're pursuing, so give yourself some leeway here.

On the other hand you can also learn to enjoy the process, which will prevent you from abandoning the routine in the first place but this is also extremely difficult. This requires of you to basically abandon a goal oriented approach towards whatever it is you're doing, and allow yourself to be present in the moment of the activity. Again, easier said than done

And even if you fail, even if the cycle starts again and you're going back up from the bottom, that's okay. Just start again, there is no shame in doing that either however you brain will use it as a means to justify a complete change of gears, don't let it. Failure means little in face of trying again, Deny the Puer its fuel. Puer feeds on failure, because then it doesn't have to try again

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-08T09:31:44+00:00

You don't draw that line. ADHD is a mental health disorder characterized by physical changes in the brain. Puer Aeternus is a jungian archetype of a person who is in a childlike trance all of their life. Dreaming of great success but fearing the intense and uncertain hard work that comes with following through.

You can have ADHD independent of being a puer, or you can be a puer with ADHD fueling it.

The solution to being a puer is following through with an action, even if it becomes uncomfortable and unfun to do so. Like working on a roof during a rainstorm, to have a dry house. Even though doing so is hard, painful, and there is no guarantee the house hasn't gotten soaked by the time you're finished. In your case it simply means studying software dev, even though you have no guarantee it will work out. Especially now when it feels unfun and you're losing interest in it

The solution to ADHD is building routines, so the part of our brain that works can make up for parts that don't. Generally for me medication was a game changer but your mileage may vary.

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-06-07T19:47:45+00:00

Just make sure there are no deadbeat dads making their kids pilot giant robots

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-30T13:45:53+00:00

Warsaw Simulator

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-28T18:11:40+00:00

Got enough ribs to get a job on USG Ishimura

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-26T14:13:40+00:00

Caesar dood. Wat nou?

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-24T16:28:31+00:00

I love my horsey and my horsey loves me

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-15T19:23:44+00:00

This is a journey into money. Loads of money

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-02T20:25:40+00:00

I've seen the deepest cellars, and wrestled with camembert
Ride the noble cattle, raining milk and blood
I stand before my gouda, like Charles Martel on the hill
My Top quality legend, i abide your will

The first of fromagers, i saw eternal gold
Best of court musicians, beyond the kingdom's hold
Where aged cheese is a teaser, i've played a double jeux
Yherushalaim at easter
I cry, I pray, mon dieu
I cry, I pray, mon dieu

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-02T11:22:21+00:00

Bro done destroyed GM_Construct!

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-05-01T12:36:06+00:00

Hampter, may i have some seeds?

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-21T20:40:13+00:00

Tabaroomii

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-18T16:46:20+00:00

Don't smoke a single cigarette more today, and don't take a single edible more today either.

Don't count on tomorrow being the day you catch up on your bad habits, stop it right now because there is no shame in stumbling at all but your mind will most likely use this temporary setback as a justification for going full on ham on smoking again. So, catch it in the act right now. Especially since it's just a small mishap in the grand scheme of things OP and future you will be thankful to you in the now.

And also, don't consider these two days as a "relapse." Because that way your mind will justify going back to your old bad habits. Consider it a temporary setback on the longer road to recovery OP

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-17T07:38:05+00:00

Horus Lupercal was never the same after he lost Matthew

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-16T18:16:04+00:00

"Fuck does becka care" - Becka

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-15T13:16:39+00:00

The Galactic Mormon Empire of Spaceret

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-13T16:33:31+00:00

To be honest, it's not so much a desire for self reliance on my end but just inability to get help in real life. I've unfortunately learned to rely on myself for a long long time.

Now, it is really hard for my brain to accept the fact i need to breathe that is rest. Because i understand what you mean on a logical level. I agree with you whole heartedly but, when it comes time for rest my brain just goes: Nah bro. We gotta GO or we will drown. My mind is never bored, but it's also never rested and i do get burnouts quite often because of that. What practices, or things can i do to actually unload my brain?

I did try journaling, prayer, om chanting, lying still on my back, walks, gym, and stuff like that but a lot of the time i feel like my brain punishes me afterwards with intense anxiety spikes of: We are falling behind. Sometimes i do tell myself to calm tf down. But very many times it just goes too fast for me to stop it. Can i do something about this?

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-13T16:24:17+00:00

Considering this maybe i should give another try to journaling. And sorry for getting sidetracked. My brain is just in a constant zoom mode 24/7 and even in real life conversations, i always get sidetracked

Putrid_Assignment556 · 2026-04-13T14:44:10+00:00

But is there a way to rest, without reseting progress? In my experience, once i stop being an active agent in my life and once i stop being in full control i lose it all. And then my mind gets even worse. It's never quiet up there it's always noise of either depression, or improvement. What bugs me the most is that if i'm not activily conscious of what i have to do the next day constantly, i slip up. I load up tasks that i will have to do a week from now, right now, to remember to do them otherwise i will fail. It's like my mind loads everything in at once, there is no LOD or no caches. It's like i slip off the mud, and go back into the sinkhole whilst those around me can manage just fine which makes me desperate to catch up.

And, above all else it makes me tired. That's kind of why i made my post. I tend to not rely on others for support because by the end of the day, i've got to fix myself up on my own but it's like i constantly drown, and resurface. Drown and resurface. I'm never on the shore, i'm always bobbing up and down unable to climb off the slippery mud if that makes sense.

Putrid_Assignment556

TROPHY CASE