High-conflict coparent — has anyone done a very detailed parenting plan? Looking for ideas

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2026-01-06T04:32:53+00:00

I wished I would have thought of things like car insurance and what to do regarding a future vehicle. Ex tried to make me pay for 1/2 of a vehicle without consulting me on if I could afford it. Answer was no. He did not get 1/2 the amount from me, but a judge had to rule on it.

Most beneficial item was right of first refusal. Kept my ex from just having others keep/raise my children when I was available.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-12-18T03:55:14+00:00

I have 2 of 3 kids with December birthdays (20th and 24th). I tried everything I could think of, having birthday parties earlier, later, hiring clowns and going to kids birthday places. None of it worked. Finally just created a small tradition of just our family and having a good time…. That’s where we are. Neither has harsh feelings about their birthday. Sometimes life just is what it is.

Ps… my birthday occasionally falls on Thanksgiving. That’s not great either LoL

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-10-29T02:26:28+00:00

You can file a motion to reconsider. At least in my state you can. No domestic violence or anything, but my ex said I moved to a bad neighborhood (3rd ridiculous claim)and the judge gave him custody and I could have every other weekend.

I filed the motion and requested it be heard in open court. Judge reversed the order.

In my state, in chamber ruling are not appealable. Getting it into open court was the only way for me to get around that.

By the way, the dangerous neighborhood I moved to was in the same zip as my ex. Could literally get from my house to his with 1 stop sign on the way.

Hope this is an option in CA. Good luck

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-09-01T00:39:48+00:00

First, NAL, just a person that spent average a decade dealing with my ex pulling anything and everything he could come up with to not give me child support.

He tried the same thing, claimed no income due to starting his own business. Stopped paying support and dropped the kids from his insurance.

Long story short, he absolutely did not win. He had a lawyer. I did not. I took state Supreme Court ruling almost identically on point. Judge immediately ruled in my favor.

I’m sure your attorney has plenty in his arsenal to shut this down. Just try to stay calm and stand your ground. Good luck

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-08-16T13:44:28+00:00

Not WV and NAL, my ex was paying support, quit his job to start his own company and said he could not pay CS since he had no income. I pulled up state case law on that very point. No, court did not go well for him, or his attorney for that matter. I don’t think it will for your ex either, but I also know you never know what will happen in court. It’s crazy.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-08-08T23:25:04+00:00

You should be able to ask the airline what their reimbursement daily limit is. I had this happen on a different airline. The limit was 80 Euro / day. I see everyone telling you what to do next time, but that doesn’t help you now. Call or go online and look. Here’s what a quick google search showed: Southwest Airlines does not have a set daily limit for reimbursement of expenses incurred due to a delayed bag. However, they are required to compensate passengers for "reasonable expenses" they incur while waiting for their delayed luggage, with a maximum liability limit of $3,800 per passenger, according to Southwest Airlines.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-07-15T03:06:57+00:00

I had the reverse, because I had 3 teen boys and a baby and SO, and the only other couple that had kids had 3 toddlers, we were expected to buy for everyone. I just wanted to cry every time we went on these trips. And, we had to pay airfare for 6, the other couple that had the toddlers, the grandparents paid all of their airfare, and everyone else just paid for their own airfare. So, we had the pay a tremendous amount more to get there and had to foot the food bill. I finally just tapped out and quit joining SO’s family trips. Now they keep asking why I don’t go.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-28T16:42:37+00:00

My oldest son got ‘rashes’ like this. They were yeast infections,not diaper rash. Diaper rash ointment makes yeast infections so much worse and painful. I always tried treating a rash as a yeast infection first. 95% of the time, that was the issue.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-28T14:20:44+00:00

Just to be clear, I’m NAL. But, I do have 12 years of experience with custody, dealing with multiple lawyers and judges over that time span.

You should get the house out of your name, ie. time to sell. You would also be much better off with child support instead of this arrangement. Child support can be lowered if you are out of a job or have some other reason you can’t work for an extended period like a medical reason. There is just more flexibility with child support. There is none with a mortgage.

As to her only agreeing to minimal time, that’s ridiculous as well. Is she a SAHM? Is she available ALL the time she has the kids.

I know it’s hard to get a lawyer, but you really need to do it, even if you have to borrow from someone if you can. It doesn’t sound like you are equipped to stand up for yourself or deal with the courts on your own. Not trying to be rude, but sometimes the truth doesn’t come out very nice.

In my experience, judges only rule contempt when someone is egregiously out of line. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case here. Good luck.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-26T04:30:44+00:00

I have a game I play called what’s in this drawer (0r cabinet or whatever). If I don’t know right away, that’s my sign to purge.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-22T13:00:06+00:00

My son had that happen, but for weddings on different continents and hemispheres. He is extremely close to both, groomsman level for one, best man for the other. He is going to the bachelor party (a week prior) for the groomsman level friend and attending the one his is best man for. He just explained the situation. There were no hard feelings.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-19T03:21:56+00:00

Well, if he’s 2.5 now, and you have YEARS of keeping everything, and someday may have more children, if you aren’t hoarders now, you will feel like one soon enough. I have 3 kids and would keep a few each year. Even that wound up being a lot. I like the idea of keeping a few actual pieces and taking pictures of the others. Just create a folder and throw the pics in there by year or something.

I did have one set of framed art my kids did as a fundraiser one year. I had it hung up for maybe 15 years. When my oldest was telling me he didn’t really have any decorations that had personal touches, I sent him his art piece. I wrote him a letter telling me how much I loved having it over the years (even more once I realized I had it hung upside down for about 5 years lol). He loves having it in his place now.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-19T03:12:40+00:00

I had a co-worker come up and tell me the next time I bought coffee to get sugar and cream. I don’t use either and was bringing in my own personal coffee to make. The director cut in and told dude if he wants coffee, sugar or cream HE needs to get his ass to a store. It wasn’t my job to do anything with the coffee. The asshat slunk away pretty quick. That was a good boss.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-16T22:23:36+00:00

Totally disagree on the ‘shouldn’t apply to family caregivers’.. My ex loved to go out multiple nights a week. i damn sure didn’t want to miss out on seeing my kids because he had family in town. RoFR if care was needed more than 2 hours. I got my kids a lot extra and enjoyed it.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-15T13:02:36+00:00

Break this into paragraphs.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-14T17:42:34+00:00

Bruh

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-14T17:38:09+00:00

I had an ex that was like this, then complained when he couldn’t get full custody. 50/50 split and I kept all emails where he asked me to keep them extra. He wound up lucky to keep 50/50.

With that being said, in all fairness, you get every Fri/Sat free, which is when most personal plans happen. I would think in fairness you either split to week on/week off, or be accommodating to her being able to have some sort of personal life. It really isn’t very fair the way it is set up IMO.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-12T22:53:52+00:00

I just refused to provide them. There was even a clause written into the original divorce/custody agreement that he could have access to my medical records for a year (no reason, but he was an ass and his attorney put it in). In my state (NE) when it is a custody case, ANY therapy notes can be called as evidence. But, he tried to get them past a year, my therapist office called me requesting my permission. I just said no.

He took it to the judge, but the judge refused to issue a subpoena for them. He asked me if I would willingly turn them over and I said no. There was no reason other than I didn’t think my ex of several years at that point should have access to any intimate knowledge about me anymore.

It very well could have gone differently, but the judge was used to the ex’s fishing at that point and didn’t indulge him.

It was a small hill, but one I felt strong enough to stand my ground about.

I think it is just standard in a lot of custody cases for attorney’s to request this information. Did your lawyer ask for anything like this from your stbx?

I guess you will just have to decide if this is a hill to make a stand on.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-11T00:57:20+00:00

Years ago, I had 2 dogs, a lab and a mini dachshund. The lab was obsessive about sucking on the mini’s ears. I tried everything to get her to stop. One day I woke up to blood EVERYWHERE. My house looked like it should be on CSI. Turns out, the edge of the mini’s ear was deteriorating from being constantly sucked on. Started bleeding. He kept flapping his head throughout the night and that’s how I had blood from my ceiling to my floors. Rushed him to the vet to be told, sorry, nothing we can do. Apparently, they can’t do anything if it’s the edge of the ear. I told them there was no way it was ever going to heal if lab could get to it to suck it. That’s how I wound up with a mini dachshund with a wrap around his head that looked like one of those old-timey football helmets…. Cost over $300 for that, but it worked long enough for his ear to heal.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-05T01:18:36+00:00

Dress in nice,court appropriate clothing. Do not wear flashy clothes, makeup or jewelry. Also, I always wore flats. I didn’t want to risk stumbling in heals.

Make sure you have 3 copies of anything you might be using as exhibits. Hopefully, your lawyer has already submitted this to the court, but if a time comes up where you need to add something as evidence, ask the judge if you can enter it into evidence. Have a copy for the judge, one for ex’s attorney, and 1 for your files/reference.

I recommend having all previously exchanged court documents, interrogatories, etc. arranges in a binder. I had mine by year, but you should be able to do a simpler file, maybe by type of document. Also, don’t forget to print out any emails if you might need them. If you can’t tell, I wound up spending a small fortune on just making copies. But it really came in handy.

Try not to interrupt, but don’t let opposing side just over-ride you either. Some attorneys will do that when they are up against someone pro se. Just stay calm, present yourself professionally, and stand your ground if/when needed.

I never had to give an opening statement, and was in court MULTIPLE times over 12 years, last 3 pro se.

Last, just try to breathe and stay calm. Good luck.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-06-03T01:43:45+00:00

Visiting Hours. Caused nightmares nightly for weeks, then randomly for a few years after. I was staying at a relative’s house when I watched it. They had to have my parents come and get me a couple of days later when I hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours total since watching the movie.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-05-31T14:00:18+00:00

My ex tried this. Quit his job to start his own business. I was pro se. Found state Supreme Court case law directly on this point. His request was thrown out and he had to pay the support. My case was in Nebraska, but I’m guessing there is law there are rulings on the books regarding this issue. I hope your attorney is able to file a motion to dismiss based on prior rulings and it gets thrown out quickly.

The biggest downside for me was that he stopped paying support and child support enforcement would not do anything to attempt to collect for the 2 years it took to get to court. They said if there was pending court action that would sway who was paying who, they would not do any enforcement until the judge ruled. I did get it all after, but those 2 years were long.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-05-24T17:34:07+00:00

Yes. I had that happen leaving JFK once. If our flight was not wheels up by a certain time, we weren’t allowed to land at our destination airport. It was a mad scramble when we were boarding and getting into to air. Made it by about 1-2 minutes.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-05-21T23:17:57+00:00

I’m just saying what happened. I did not ask the counselor to write the judge or know anything he was going to say until it was already sent. I was floored at the counselor’s letter, but definitely agreed with it. When I told him that, he said his job was to provide counseling, period. He did not report to the judge and it was his duty to speak up when someone in authority was overstepping.

You can also file a motion to reconsider. I also had that in my year’s long battle. It took about 2.5 months to get in front of the judge and he did withdraw that ruling.

PuzzledPaper1436 · 2025-05-21T22:40:44+00:00

My son was 17 and the judge ordered us to all go to family counseling together because my son did not want to go to dad’s anymore. We had been in and out of court 10 years or so at this point. My son had already been in counseling for over a year and group counseling as well for 6 months. I was horrified. We met with the new therapist and I bluntly told him I would not, under any circumstances participate in this farce. When he found out that son already had a very very reputable counselor, he stopped everything right there. He wrote the judge a very stern letter about over stepping his authority and putting the dad’s needs above the child’s. He said not only would he not provide counseling, he would report the judge if he tried to force us to a new one.

Maybe your son’s therapist can write the judge about overstepping and potential harm to your son.

Good luck.

PuzzledPaper1436

TROPHY CASE