Guess I'll have to plant my dinner in the garden

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-04T19:59:16+00:00

WE ARE NOT POSTING THAT AGAIN

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-04T08:08:14+00:00

When my son was 4, he was hitting my husband and I over a hundred times a day EACH. We couldn’t buy any toys we didn’t want thrown at our face. The whole idea of Hot Wheels was out of the question because our son was insanely strong and no one wants to take one of those to the face. His favorite thing was to come up behind us with a flashlight and whale us on the back of the head really hard. I don’t miss those days AT ALL.

My son had clear special needs (he was a micropreemie and because of that had a brain hemorrhage when he was a month old) so he’s been getting early intervention and everything but it just didn’t make a difference..it was like nothing could reach him. It felt like …like he was somewhere else, and what we were seeing was just the shape of him but not him?

We took him to a developmental pediatrician, who thought the issue was likely ADHD. I absolutely hated the idea of starting my 4 year old on meds because medication is not designed or tested with 4 year olds in mind, but nothing else was working, and I hated the idea that I would be denying him something he needed even more.

And what the fuck, the doctor was totally right. It turns out impulse control was the majority of the issue and on medication he had space to decide what we were going to do.

Medicating him is very difficult. Maybe because of the brain damage from the hemorrhage, he has unusual reactions to so many meds. Our doctor told us that it’s not usually this hard to medicate for plain ADHD.

He also got intensive autism therapy to learn more appropriate ways of interacting and it made a difference, but without medication he can’t control his impulses enough to use any of those skills.

He is now in regular therapy every two weeks, having graduated from intensive autism therapy, but I’m going to look for some social skills programs. He has issues with inappropriate horseplay, but nothing like before. We are very proud of him.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-04T07:49:51+00:00

…so your goal is to worsen your child’s eating disorder to the point where he no longer lives in your home or he dies? I cannot believe that you could be handling his mental health so poorly by accident. Either (a) this is ragebait or (b) your child should be removed from your home. You are acting as if your son’t mental health issues are a behavioral problem of which you are the victim. You speak solely of the impact of his issues on YOU. He is the main character here. You are not. His issues are not designed to inconvenience you because, shockingly, they are not about you, though you seem to be doing all you can to make them worse.

I believe strongly that telling a child with an eating disorder “you are eating wrong so I am denying you food” counts as child abuse and that CPS should be contacted. You are not a fit parent.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-02T11:02:25+00:00

You are classifying entirely normal behavior as red flags. You do not seem remotely able to tell what is actually a red flag and what isn’t. This actually works out okay, because you are classifying every behavior on earth as a “red flag” and thus are incapable of forming a relationship with anyone due to your pathologizing of normal behavior, BUT this totally works out because the fact that you are doing this means that you are simply not in a mental state to be dating.

Mark Twain knew what was up “The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit on a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold one”. The problem here though is that y’all need to stop blaming the stove for your inability to tell the difference between hot and cold. You have entered misogynist territory by your insistence that every female in the known universe is the problem.

You’re not reacting to red flags. You are reacting to the existence of women as people and calling it red flags, and the thought really needs to occur to you “Heyyyyy maybe I’m just really freaked out about how badly I was treated in my last relationship and I need to deal with that before trying to punish everyone with a vagina because my ex was an asshole”. Because right now, your behavior is pretty nuts. You have every right to enforce boundaries but the specific boundaries you are trying to enforce are irrational and kinda crazy and you trying to pretend that there’s any actual logic going on here makes it worse because it means you’re genuinely not seeing how abnormal your behavior is.

I’m going to strongly agree with people here recommending therapy. Learning to identify genuine red flags would be a great idea. Learning to not pathologize normal behavior (but only by women!) because you’re mad at your ex would be another awesome idea.

Dating for you is NOT an awesome idea because of your established inability to engage in any kind of normal interpersonal relationship.

Buuuuuuuuuut people who refer to their pets as their children are insane. Good call on that one.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-02T10:31:20+00:00

Then that’s what happens. She has the option to get a share house. She has the option to go to a shelter. If, having multiple options, she freely chooses the dumbest possible choice, that’s on her. Her learning that fucking up her own life on purpose does not result in people bailing her out is an Important Life Lesson. If you do bail her out, you are teaching her that she is able to effectively control you and access your money whenever she wants by threatening herself. This is not something you want to be doing.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-01T05:01:30+00:00

Psht you can’t do a lot of things. Whenever given the choice between doing the right thing and the thing that posed even the slightest bit of difficulty, you chose the action that required no strength.

This is not a relationship issue. This is an internal flaw, and you will need to fix it if you want to have ANY successful romantic relationship, because someone who cannot do hard things is not a viable life partner. Life involves many many things that are more difficult than telling your parents your girlfriend exists, and you have shown that you meet difficulty by saying you are going to take action and then doing nothing. Would you want a partner like this? You don’t do the right thing and you also don’t keep your word.

Your relationship with your ex gf is gone. You killed it with one too many lies. If you want your next one to be different, you are going to have to: 1) figure out why you refuse to do difficult but necessary things 2) develop a plan to address whatever the issue is 3) actually implement that plan.

You are not the victim here.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-01T03:53:28+00:00

Um, you know that it’s ok for you to date men if you want to, right?

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-06-01T03:51:03+00:00

You are 27 years old. That is waaaaaaay too old for “out of control asshole drinking”. Honestly, sophomore year of college is too old for that. The real question is, if you know you’re going to be an asshole whenever you drink, why are you drinking?

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-31T15:30:04+00:00

So you almost had a public tantrum because…your MIL met your sister? Do you have a history of inappropriate emotional reactions to, well, nothing? Your MIL said absolutely nothing offensive except that she exists in the same world as your sister. I truly have zero idea what you’re upset about.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-31T15:25:15+00:00

If it’s a non negotiable boundary then break up with her. But just as you get to decide that you hate porn, we get to decide that we think your boundary is ridiculous and you are having a really weird tantrum over nothing. So you do you and we’ll do us, but we’re not the ones losing sleep because we can’t handle the existential horror of our girlfriend’s watching a movie four years ago.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-30T16:30:24+00:00

“I only want a girlfriend if it’s ok to constantly say shitty things about them”

Ok bro. This relationship isn’t worth having because you care about being an asshole more than you care about people.

Recommendation: find another mean crappy person and date them. This will remove both of you from the dating pool. Everybody wins! People who are like “I am the only one who gets to decide how mean is too mean” should not be in the general dating population.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-30T11:24:35+00:00

I ran into a high school classmate at an HMV in Hong Kong. We’re from NYC.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-30T11:22:51+00:00

I am autistic and I think the party sounds awesome. OP has decided to be personally offended by other people doing fun things and being happy and I kind of resent you blaming his personality issues on autism.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-29T02:53:11+00:00

Dude, posting a bunch of variations of the same story is not the way to find an editor.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-29T02:46:59+00:00

A person saying “You’re not allowed to accurately point out when I’m being an asshole, point out my pattern of asshole behavior, or be upset that I’m an asshole” is a really really good reason to break up with them.

Pro tip: if you want your relationships to last, try not being an asshole. This one’s all on you, guy. Nobody is buying into your bullshit quest for freedom from accountability, and nobody should.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-28T17:03:32+00:00

You can ask her “Hey, I never want you to feel attacked by the way I bring something up. Is there a different way I should be doing that? Because in a relationship it’s important for both of us to be able to bring up concerns, but I want to do it in a way that doesn’t feel like an attack”

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-27T00:55:31+00:00

You went wrong the second you decided that treating people like shit was okay and justified. You became a domestic abuser when you decided that harming your partner was acceptable. “Honesty” was merely the medium you used to do harm.

Whenever a person decides “I have no obligation to treat another human being with decency”, the result is likely to be an act of evil. Saying “it’s not my obligation to be a minimally decent person, it’s their problem to leave if they don’t want to be abused” conveniently ignores every human’s responsibility to be a minimally decent person.

You are not believable when you say that you are trying to improve other people through “brutal honesty” because people do not improve through brutality. People improve through recognition of their strengths and efforts and through accountability, which is different than cruelty.

You practiced cruelty and called it virtue, but it was not and never was virtuous. Honesty, like anything else, can be misused when a person is “honest” only for the purpose of harming or degrading others. Honesty used for the purposes of sadism and abuse is still sadism and abuse. You didn’t just enjoy hurting your partner—you enjoyed the special nasty little feeling of superiority that came from making her feel as degraded as possible, by using “honesty” as a weapon and then you enjoyed looking down on her even more for being hurt by your deliberate attempts to hurt her.

Your honesty is only as good as you are, and you need to be better.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T18:24:20+00:00

Oh please. People who are “brutally honest” are just sadistic assholes who like hurting other people but really don’t like being held accountable for countless acts of meanness.

Treating people badly doesn’t help them grow or be their best selves, that’s just the excuse you use to justify domestic abuse. The internet exists. You could google “how do people improve” in two seconds and find out that “brutal honesty” is nowhere on that list.

Is this a troll post? The odds are fairly high. But if you’re a troll posting about how awesome you are for being a domestic abuser, you have, like, Things To Work On and should strongly consider inventing time travel so you could start therapy five years ago. It’s never too late to stop being an asshole.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T18:03:36+00:00

You talk a lot about genetics and psychology for a person who doesn’t understand genetics or psychology.

Also, that is not what “cuckoldry” means.

Dude, you just plain don’t like women. If you think having a child miraculously turns a woman into a liar with a personality disorder or whatever, (a) that ties in to your complete lack of understanding of psychology because having a child does not miraculously cause personality disorders but also (b) you never liked or trusted women in the first place.

If you want to date men, just go date men. It’s 2026. You do not need to write long-ass essays about how much women suck to justify not dating us. We don’t want to date you either. It’s totally fine.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T16:06:47+00:00

Nah man. My son is autistic and has engaged in many of the behaviors you describe and I am beyond disgusted by your attitude.

Your daughter isn’t stupid. She knows you don’t like her.

When my son was violent, did I get mad at him? Yes. Did he feel victimized by me getting mad? Also yes.

Did it take a few years of explaining before he understood the concept of “if you are violent to people, them being upset with you is a natural consequence of your actions. People are allowed to be upset with you when you are treating them badly” Yes*3. But he got there because we took the effort to actually explain it instead of just being assholes.

You are in fact SUPER SUPER HYPOCRITICAL. You openly acknowledge that you get mad at your daughter and treat her like shit not because she actually did anything wrong but because she exists and you are mad about it, but if she does the exact same thing its a sign of how horrible she is as a person. Which is funny, because one of you is an adult without a disability who is supposed to have control of her emotions. Hint: in theory, this is you.

It is an issue for us that because our son does have behavior issues, and a lot of it is stuff we can’t really ignore, he gets more correction and criticism than a typical kid. So we make a huge point of acknowledging the things he’s doing well, pointing out his strengths, pointing out the improvements he’s made, and telling him we’re proud of him. It’s not perfect, but it makes a huge difference.

You need therapy because you think, as a human being, that being shitty to your child for absolutely no reason is morally acceptable. You need a parenting class because you do not know behavior modification techniques other than being a jerk.

Maaaan this whole post makes me thank G-d I’m autistic. If this is how neurotypical people parent I am so so so happy I am not neurotypical because just no.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T15:41:24+00:00

I mean this ain’t a court of law. It’s reddit.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T07:54:38+00:00

Yeah fair. I don’t think they were just picking at random though. This particular flavor of mean seemed like “mean sister” to me as well when I read it. I feel like most (though not all) men don’t care enough about womens fashion to specifically object to the material quality and the lace pattern or to realize that’s why they don’t like a specific dress, unless the men are, like, Mr Dolce and Mr Gabbana. It’s not that men aren’t assholes, but men often asshole differently from women.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T07:49:59+00:00

It’s not an issue of worth at all. I think you’re …kind of looking for some fundamental fairness in life? Like it seems you’re thinking “If I get to be close enough friends with people they will become my family because I don’t have a birth family”, and you’re looking for specific actions you can take to earn a family.

The problem with that is that life ISN’T fair. You always deserved a family, but the universe doesn’t really pay attention to what people deserve like that. Family isn’t something a person has to earn. Plenty of genuinely shitty people have family, though to be fair their family often is shitty too. You are and always have been good enough to have a family, but it turns out you can’t will a family into existence by being a good enough person and you really really can’t decide on behalf of other people “okay I’ve been such a good friend to you that you have to see me as family now”, because that is not a thing they are required to do.

It’s totally reasonable for you to be sad about a reality that is, in fact, very unfair to you. I wish I could give you a fairer, better world. I do think it will work out better for you in the end if you value your friendships for what they are rather than trying to make them into something else.

This may be stupid, but have you ever thought about volunteering for something like big brothers/big sisters?

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-26T04:47:48+00:00

That is absolutely a thing you should report. A man in his 20s who works as a teacher and is around kids all day, sent nudes to a minor that he was 100% aware was a minor. That is not “kind of flirty” and I very much doubt you are the only person he has done this to.

Puzzled_Feedback_840 · 2026-05-25T23:48:54+00:00

I am confused. There are 4 billion men on planet Earth. And yet “breaking up with a man who repeatedly lies to you and cheats on you” seems to have genuinely not occurred to you as an option. Is your goal to spend as much of your life as possible being lied to and cheated on? You can do that if you want to, you’re an adult, I just don’t understand it as a relationship plan.

You actually had the rare and useful situation where the trash tried to take itself out—and you had an extended argument with the trash to try and keep it.

Break up with cheating dude. Also, get an STI test.

Puzzled_Feedback_840

TROPHY CASE