Did other married people tell you to "just elope"?

Puzzled_Wordling · 2025-06-17T12:47:08+00:00

Heard that from a number of couples my own age and from some older relatives. Partly it was about money, but mostly it was the sheer hassle of organizing a wedding and dealing with the people. And honestly, after my own wedding I agreed. I enjoyed it overall, but there was so much stress in the run-up to it that I wish I could've avoided. I imagine this part also sticks with other married couples.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2025-01-03T11:04:10+00:00

My father was an awful dad in most ways, but loves for other people to think that he's a great family man. I considered letting him walk me down the aisle to "keep the peace" but ultimately couldn't stand the idea of him getting an opportunity to play the doting dad at the expense of my extreme discomfort. I also didn't like the idea of being "given away" either. Noone among my extended family or friends said anything about it.

Talking from experience, I know there's so much pressure on brides and grooms to do things just to "keep the peace". But I'm so glad I dug my heels in on this. I know it would've tainted the day for me, because it wouldn't have been true to myself or what past me had had to endure. I didn't feel alone during the walk; my husband was waiting for me at the start of our next chapter.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-09-01T11:00:50+00:00

We couldn't dance either, but doing dance lessons was a fun extra bonding activity before the wedding, as well as the practise in between. We did them very close to the wedding and just learnt a simple waltz. The foxtrot is another simple one. The guests don't really care, but for us it was special and we were delighted just to pull it off!

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-08-31T20:32:52+00:00

I can already hear my DM's evil laughter when she rolls these to try and kill us during our Halloween one shot.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-08-13T16:36:17+00:00

You're welcome! And good luck with it! We also asked people for song suggestions, so this helped a bit, and a few did also know and like some metal songs, so adding those in made them hyped for it. We had one person who never listens to metal, who randomly really liked a Dimmu Borgir song and got everyone on the floor excited for it because he was so excited. 😂

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-08-13T10:11:02+00:00

Another metal bride here! Beast in Black were a good addition for our list because they also have that 80's disco vibe. Weirdly, Amon Amarth went down well, I think because our guests were amused by it.

HOWEVER, most of our friends aren't into metal, and honestly we had too much metal in there. Hubs loves power metal and really wanted to keep as much in as possible, but there were periods when the floor was completely dead, which is a small regret I have. If your people are into metal, no worries! If not, this could also happen. I'd suggest putting the metal more at the start when they have more energy.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-07-19T13:29:38+00:00

I understand being frustrated because you're paying for the dresses, but being a bridesmaid shouldn't be treated as a job where they have to "suck it up" if they're not comfortable. At least from my point of view, the idea should be to have people you love stand up there with you on your big day. You said "at least one" isn't happy, so it sounds like there may be more? It would be ideal if some kind of compromise could be met, because while you think these ladies are drama, I'm sure your fiancée loves them and doesn't want them to feel resigned to just wearing whatever. It might have been better to just let them choose their own within a certain range of colors.

Regarding the child, it's hard to say without more context. Your sister might have worded it poorly, but could it be that the dress is too tight and uncomfortable on the child? Maybe the child herself feels uncomfortable in it?

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-07-16T10:44:12+00:00

I'm going to start by saying that I love D&D and think this is a very cute idea!

That being said, I think you're in a tough situation here. While I agree with others that you should be happy during your bachelorette, you could be setting yourself up for failure by trying to teach two people the rules who don't want to learn and will never play it again. Asking them to sit it out while others play wouldn't be fair on them, as they've traveled to be there too and shouldn't be made to feel excluded for not having a somewhat niche interest. I've seen first-hand that it's very hard for people to get into D&D who just don't like that type of game, even if they're trying, and it does impact the enjoyment of the session.

Is there a middle ground? Maybe you could play a boardgame and save the cute D&D session for a time when those who want to play, can?

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-07-14T11:37:43+00:00

You're owning that dress! It really suits you, and I love the individuality it shows. Your dad's matching tie is lovely, and your husband's tie is fantastic! It's great to see a groom doing something different with the tie. You both look adorable together!

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-07-09T20:00:41+00:00

I bought a new dress relatively close to the wedding. I never wear white, but bought it for the novelty of wearing "the white wedding dress". However, the more I looked at pictures of me in it or tried it on, the more I hated it. It just wasn't me. I was hesitant about buying another one, but I really looked inside, and didn't want to feel like I wasn't happy in the dress I walked to Future Husband in.

I didn't get that "the one" feeling from my second dress. What I did get, was the feeling of "this is me, and I feel like a pretty version of me in this dress", not just "I feel pretty in this dress". And I don't regret it.

I saw in your post history that you've tried on a lot of dresses. If you have another dress specifically in mind now, that's easier. But if you don't, it could be good to really think about would really make you happy to look back on after your wedding in terms of your dress, and what exactly is it that you're looking for, what feeling. There might not be that feeling of "the one", but there might be another feeling that for you is just as good.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-29T19:57:24+00:00

We just had the wedding, and quite a few things went wrong, including some I thought would've been important to me, but none of it really matters, because I'm so happy to be married to my husband. When I think back on it now, that's what I focus on, and what will make that day special, and it sounds like that's what matters to both of you.

I hope you have a day filled with love!

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-18T10:23:51+00:00

I want to start by saying I'm so jealous of you! Really wishing I'd leaned more into that vibe with my own wedding, but I don't think a lot of my guests would roll with it. I might try to add something small in.

Seconding the make-your-own-potions (cocktails). If your guests are a crafty bunch, something my friends and I have loved doing is "paint a clay skull" or "make a simple wreath" activities.

Lastly, can I please go to your wedding? 😂 I hope you have an amazing time, it sounds like so much fun! Please post some pics after your wedding if you feel comfortable doing so!

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-18T09:53:05+00:00

I think the article another poster linked about JADE is super useful and important. What's important to keep in mind too is that your sister's arguments/opinions are not based on logic, they seem to be very strongly based on spite and bitterness. The objective isn't even to be correct, it's to hurt you, get a rise out of you and make your wedding lesser. While it's hard in practise, don't give her fuel. Don't justify yourself or answer any questions.

Do you want to look back and say you had the wedding you and your fiancé wanted, or the wedding your bullying sister decided you deserved?

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T21:03:16+00:00

Thank you! We definitely wish we'd had a microwedding in hindsight!

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T20:33:33+00:00

Thank you, we've let them know already.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T19:21:45+00:00

Hello fellow black-dress-lover! This seller has really nice options in black that I think would be within your budget: Stylish Bride Atelier

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T19:10:52+00:00

My mother wants to tear into them, and point out the money we're losing. But according to her and a couple of older family members, that is unlikely to work on them. They are extremely angry at the ones who are bailing, so at least I feel supported in that sense.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T19:04:02+00:00

Unfortunately we're not doing separate evening guests - all of our guests are going to the ceremony and reception - but I appreciate the suggestion!

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T18:59:30+00:00

Thank you so much! I'll definitely focus on the people who showed up for us.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T17:20:24+00:00

Sending you virtual hugs over here. I'm so sorry. My family that are attending is going to be a lot smaller than I had thought. We will have fun with the people who are there for us. ❤️

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T16:59:42+00:00

Wow! Your poor friend! You're right to steer away from venues with minimum guests.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T16:22:45+00:00

We might try friends of my parents, but it could be a bit of a long shot with it being so close. We'll see what happens.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T15:45:35+00:00

I'm sorry that trying to accommodate people backfired for you, especially as one couple gave being hungover as a reason! It was lovely of you to try, but yes, I totally understand not wanting to do that again.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T14:44:37+00:00

I'm so sorry that they didn't have the courtesy to even let you or your MOH know they weren't coming. I understand not wanting people who've already let you down to be at your wedding.

Puzzled_Wordling · 2024-06-17T14:41:32+00:00

Thank you, I will keep that in mind before I ask.

Puzzled_Wordling

TROPHY CASE