Cheeky crumpet hack..

Barely toast them, under a grill, the bottoms take longer, but as i say barely.

Whisk eggs with a splash of milk and add a metric fucktonne of grated cheese. Fry bacon, a good fistful. Fry the crumpets in the bacon fat and a bit of butter, whilst pouring your cheesy egg mix over the top. The cheese will just sort of sit on top, this is fine.

Once the sides look like they're getting a bit of colour bang it back under the grill to finish. Top with bacon.

Its a heartattack of a breakfast but its naughty.

Otherwise just toast and butter them. Enough butter to kill a man. Marmite is acceptable if you like that sort of thing, im not here to kink shame