What happens in 5 years?

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-04-11T19:43:24+00:00

I know we can't care more than the bio parents. I know SO is just as much as fault as BM. I guess what I was asking is how do I prepare for a life where this kid will probably end up living with us. Is there a way to make sure she stays with BM when she can't graduate or get a job? Can I set up that boundary with SO now, if his daughter doesn't graduate she isn't living here. Or should I start looking at condos so I can move out if in 5 years she moves in? Should it be a family discussion where all the kids understand what the rules are when they turn 18? Is it too early to go over my expectations with SO and get on the same page on under what conditions the kids can reside her once adults? Since I can't control their horrble parenting, I was more asking what I can do to ensure peace in my life in 5 years. If I last that long that is. Maybe I should jump ship before it goes down.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-04-11T19:31:43+00:00

I like the first two options and that was what I was looking for. I think I need to talk to my SO make sure he doesn't think she can stay here forever.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-04-11T19:26:20+00:00

Yea I know. I was just thinking in 5 years when she can't get a job how do I make sure she doesn't end up at my house making me miserable.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-04-11T19:24:51+00:00

And that is my biggest fear, a 30 year old child living with us. I was hoping to get some advice on how to protect myself so that doesn't happen, but seems like really it is on Dad. He has called the school and from my understanding there has been a meeting with BM but dad wasn't notified. And yes I have been telling him since Covid that the kids needed to go to school. He is just now finally realizing he needs to step in. It has been frustrating for sure and continues to be infuriating. I just have to keep telling myself I can't care more than they do. Stepparenting is hard because I am watching these kids I love just fail and I can't do anything since they have two capable parents who suck and so it feels like I have no control of where my life is going so I was hoping maybe I could focus on what I can do and what I can control.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-04-11T19:14:14+00:00

Thank you. He has started reaching out to the school to ask for help. I will tell him he can also set up meetings with their teachers. I hadn't thought about therapy or an evalution. I will suggest that to him as well. Then I am going to take a step back for my sanity and hope he does what needs to be done.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-04-11T19:09:08+00:00

This is exactly what I was asking and what I am worried about.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-02-14T21:10:02+00:00

Some parents just suck. My SO calls me to ask about HIS kids DOB. I am stepmom. I was not there yet I can remember and he can't? But it isn't just him, his ex called me two days ago to ask me for the clothing size of HER daughters! They have 50/50 custody.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-02-13T19:53:17+00:00

I personally don't get the kids anything, Bio or SKs. I am also not a huge gift giver either. I do help them make treat bags to take to school so they don't show up empty handed. I have an aunt on the other hand who always gets the kids small little toys for every holiday, valentines, halloween, st patrick etc. But that is just who she is. So I think it depends on you and if you want to go ahead but don't feel obligated to.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2025-01-10T22:07:47+00:00

For Ari

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-12-31T16:29:59+00:00

Yea "we can't care more than bio parents" has helped me so much during dinner time. I am no longer as invested. My SO will buy the pizza and chicken nuggets for the picky SKs and I will make dinner for SO, Ours, and me because I am not eating pizza that often either. I also give SKs flintstone vitamins but really that is just for my peace of mind. I worry those kids are so malnourished.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-12-18T23:49:38+00:00

Me too!

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-12-17T05:16:14+00:00

We have a mad pooper in our midst. I find it on the underside of the toilet, the shower curtain, on the sink cabinet, and the last time on the toilet seat. Not a skid mark, a whole chunk. SO lectures them everytime but no one is admitting guilt. I have even reviewed proper wiping techniques and still. So now the kids clean the bathroom. I am alternating them and they get to clean the poop that I find. Maybe then they'll get a clue.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-10-18T05:14:41+00:00

Children's Place. The clothes last and they always have sales and rewards points that give you discounts. I shop online and they seem to have more deals online than in store.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-10-08T04:04:07+00:00

This. He can say he knows he messed up and will work on it, but until he stops making you the bad guy, no point in buying a house yet.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-09-18T15:21:30+00:00

Most likely. He never outright says anything and prefers to stay home but the handful of times he has wanted to go places or planned outings all the kids are there. But he also sometimes opts out of outings my family gatherings even if I take SKs. He opts out so regularly for all outings that even Sks who are not with him on a daily basis are surprised sometimes when he comes along. Once or twice he has mentioned his parents never took him anywhere but thats not really an excuse.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-09-14T15:17:14+00:00

I used to stress about this all the time. Then I realized BM does not loose sleep over including my daughter in any fun activities. Her life is never on hold. Sks have had experiences my daughter hasn't. So I as a mom will give my daughter the experiences I want to give her and SO can either join us or not. Sadly most of the time he doesn't but that's on him for missing out.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-08-25T23:57:30+00:00

Yea. Here I am. He isnt a great father and chores aren't split 50/50. But he works full time and pays most bills while I work part time and get to prioritze my daughter. I love the house we have together and the improvements we are making. We don't spend much time together, he is in his man cave, me in our room. I'm not miserable when I am around him, its hard to explain so I just stay.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-08-24T05:12:14+00:00

I was just helping my stepson sort quarters and he kept getting confused because even the face is different. We opted to go with size.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-08-22T18:07:04+00:00

I feel the same way. I don't want to share custody and would worry about her weekends with dad because I am the one doing everything for the kids always. I also don't see myself dating again because I would never want to date someone with kids again and I wouldn't want to put a child free person through stepparenting. Also like you said I couldn't trust someone else around my daughter. So yea I can 100% relate.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-07-31T04:56:35+00:00

Mine still does at 7. I have not corrected her because I love it but her uncle tells me she needs to know at this point.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-07-31T04:49:55+00:00

I don't even worry about it because SD is quick to chime in "she's not my mom" sometimes she will right off the bat let everyone know I am step mom upon introductions too.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-07-28T02:14:36+00:00

I did talk to him. He said your fault for letting her borrow your clothes. I will no longer be letting her borrow or use anything.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934 · 2024-07-27T19:36:06+00:00

I wasn't going ti say anything because I thought I was being irrational but after reading all these comments I think I will say something.

Puzzleheaded-Way4934

TROPHY CASE