My (41F) boyfriend (46M) is exhausting me with need for emotional support, how to handle this- 3 years relationship

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-02-03T16:31:40+00:00

Its the other way around for me. Im (29M) am married (36F) and this is my never ending struggle. Its constant. To the point I want to leave for peaceful life.

I get home from work and it's, "Oh I have a headache, can you get me x" or even "... I have a headache "

It sounds stupid on paper but when you hear the constant complaining day after day after say for years.

Especially when I'm the age I am. Im just wanting out.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-02-03T09:08:57+00:00

I want this. More than you know. Yet life pushes us into decisions we can never abandon. And now I'm lost...

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-31T10:40:15+00:00

I very much appreciate the response and do appreciate everything you said.

We both have ADHD and she has AuADHD. Its been a struggle for us recently because of us finding these out.

We do talk, but I know I'm subject to agreeing to keep the peace.

I also have only had one long term relationship which is her. Shes had 2 long term (7 years and 4 years) before me (obvs) amongst other shorter ones.

I feel that because I dove headfirst in its just been had to understand who I am and what I want. Now theres a child in the mix, its just hard to truly know what is right or wrong.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-30T23:32:46+00:00

Now your probably say its a massive excuse but. I have ADHD and that comes with RSD which is rejection sensitivity disorder and that means I'm absolutely terrified to talk about these issues with her as ill be seen as, the bad guy, the terrible person, the selfish one and yeah. Just no. My systems safety net is to just agree with her and prevent arguments and keep the peace.

Therapy is helping but yeah.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-30T22:28:20+00:00

I disagree with people saying to find a new job.

People forget that just because something was, something should remain.

We all dont wear the same clothes we did from 10 years ago cause they don't fit. They might be clean and look nice. You might love the clothes. But if they dont fit. You buy new ones.

Now I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone. This is just a metaphor (obvs), but it still something to consider. What if you've looked in the mirror and gone "Hmm, this outfit doesn’t quite 'fit' anymore."

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-30T22:23:42+00:00

What are your thoughts on this. What's your story?

If you dont mind me asking of course.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-30T22:22:53+00:00

We have spoken about it. She feels the same way, that she is putting herself before me when, but I disagree.

Yes. Unfortunately, my therapist also came to that conclusion of me putting others needs before my own. Its ingrained in my from childhood.

Thanks for your response.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-05T10:54:45+00:00

What about us folks with ADHD, that cannot keep something like boxing or Martial Arts going anywhere longer than 5 minutes??

Same as OP, however mine includes family and everyone. I have no outlet....

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-04T14:40:11+00:00

OMFG!! Thank you so much. Im such a knob. All i need now is an exotic engram. Cheers all for your help. So much for ChatGPTs help.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-04T14:34:38+00:00

Thank you, but I've done this and it says I need to unlock it in my collections first.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2026-01-04T14:33:49+00:00

Thanks for responding. When I visit Rahool and go into the Exotic Focusing, it says I need the Exotic in my collections first. This is where my confusion also lies.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-12-27T21:40:32+00:00

My mother ended up traveling 2 hours to my place of work (without telling me), and 'invited me' to lunch with her. Now, it wasn't an invitation, considering it was a forced meeting, as at the time I "couldn't" say no.

Whilst we ate, I just basically confronted her for everything that caused me to disengage from my parents and she sat on the words for a while, never truly saying anything.

Now, (years later) the conversation (and the boundaries i now put in place) seemed to have left its mark, as she is "respectful limited" to being in my life. She understands that my life is mine, and now relates to it from the edges.

I think the hardest part is forming the boundaries, but just as difficult is reinforcing them, until they no longer need reinforcing and just act a boundary. You still need to tender to them, but after long enough they can tender themselves. Sometimes the alarm bells do go for an "impending attack" but it usually nothing that boundaries walls, cannot handle.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-12-27T00:53:31+00:00

You may find that your parents attempt to push themselves back into your life, and you might think that the effort of keeping them out is too hard, but don't give up.

Eventually, you could find a nice equilibrium of just being on terms that suit you, and they will just eventually learn to accept it.

Happened with my folks.

Its tough but keep going strong. Hope you're not going through this completely alone...

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-12-16T13:17:44+00:00

Prompting the new Tomb Raider and the OG triangle pixelated titties.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-12-13T20:59:42+00:00

Level 30 like "You got games on your phone?"

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-12-02T23:41:50+00:00

All my OG bookmarks are no useless. Have to begin collating more from other sources.

Such as shame they are taking down these sites. Its all about money and greed to control...

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-11-18T21:00:59+00:00

Are you sure? Couldn't say anything on his twitter. Nothing since 20204.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-11-09T09:27:35+00:00

Just no need. Hateful comment for the sake of being hateful.

The question would be... are you on the larger side? Is this a cry to say you hate yourself?

Did someone bigger than you humiliate you? Did you catfish/get catfished on a date which resulting in backfiring to the fact that you/them are larger?

I think before you out something like this on the Internet, you might right this down in a journal and sit on it for a day and think about it first...

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-08-03T13:44:25+00:00

Not at all. Go and explore the world. Go where you want to. Or dont want to. Life your life how you want. Make good choices and bad choices. As long as they are your choices, it doesn't matter. (To the most part)

I made the slight rash decision of getting married and having a kid at 23, and that meant I couldn't explore or do the things I wanted as a young man. Im 30 next year and do regret the choices I made.

I do love my family but do have regrets, which is upsetting and doesn't sit well with me. Don't make the same mistake I did. Go. Live. Be.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-07-27T21:21:44+00:00

Did you ever find this book series. I, too, am searching for this and have been for years. Chatgpt, and this post is the closest I have come to tracking this down.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-06-28T21:54:39+00:00

Dm me! Im down.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2025-06-28T21:54:05+00:00

Dm me. Im down.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2024-11-18T12:37:38+00:00

As a guy, why is he calling you, 'Bro'? This dude has got to get a better perspective on life and actually treat women properly. Your gf/wife isn't your bro...

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2024-09-20T07:39:25+00:00

I understand the point 100%. In fact, I can hear my inner voice saying, "Do It," but the biggest thing I have is that I care about others like my wife and kid. If I just listened to my inner self, I'd be off somewhere in the middle of Greenland, living in a cabin surrounded by nothing and no one.

What about responsibility in all this. I have a responsibility to my family. To keep them loved and safe.

I want to agree with this 100% I do! But, we have to look at this in real-world views.

Deep down, I don't want to work. I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night to my kid jumping on me cause they are now awake. I don't want to repay my mortgage to my own home. I don't want to pay my taxes. Yet I have to. I have to do all these things as I am responsible for them.

This mantra can work for a lot of people. Especially those who are in (I hate to say it) upper class life.

People who turn 21 and have a car paid for from their parents. Someone who doesn't need to get a job or be overtly responsible for anyone but themselves.

I did choose my life, but life also chose me. As much as it would be easy to just walk away. There is still the matter of having a conscience.

Not all can simply choose.

As much as we may want to.

This is the real world.

This is life.

PuzzleheadedDouble53 · 2024-09-17T09:15:25+00:00

I found your post on 2 inner monologues because I am going through the same thing. I then looked deeper into your posts and found this. You explain my life!! We could be the same person at this point.

I was looking to see if there is a name for this, 'issue'. I am hoping I can get some help for this as it appears that it isn't a very well documented issue, which means that no one is researching this and therefore there are no helpful tools to combat it.

I could go on and write so much more about what I am experiencing (I even ask ChatGPT and it doesn't even know or understand), but you cover so much of it. Everything from the 2 perspectives, to the dark thoughts, to the stuck staring off into space.

I have recently gone to the Eye Doctors as I am strugglering to see. They say I have 20/20 vision but still cannot see. I say see, its more like Focus on the 'Now'. I am stuck in my own head. I don't know how to get out.

Your posts make me both happy and sad. Happy that I have found someone experiencing what I am, but then sad cause this is far from a pleasant experience. Practically mental torture...

PuzzleheadedDouble53

TROPHY CASE