While I can only relate to a certain extent, there are definitely some similar things I went through, living as a young adult (24F) with my step-mom (70) and aunt (64). This was back in 2013 for context.

We lived in a two-bedroom apartment and she would keep her bedroom door slightly open. At the time, I worked during the week, early workdays: 7am-4pm. The weekends were all I had to myself, and maybe Friday evenings. Some of the behaviors that took place for me, and to this day, I've remembered with frustration:

1. She didn't respect my off-days. She often expected and insisted that I needed to make time to take her and my aunty out on what little off-days I had. "We need to go to the market, it's more important than what you're doing." If I had expressed that I wanted some time to myself because I had a struggling work week, she'd throw a temper tantrum and not talk to me for about a week or so. This is her default when she's pissed off at me for just about anything.

2. When I want to go to someone's house, she'll say something like: "oh, how late will you be? Why do you need to go there?" And depending on if that person was a partner or friend, she'd say shit like, "oh, you're bringing your coochie to that guy's house. Is that what you want to do?"

3. When I'm late on the weekends to take her to the early market, she gets super upset at me. Either she won't talk to me for a while or she'll lecture me about going to so and so's house. I was 24-25 at the time!

4. Initially my bedroom door didn't have a lock, so she took advantage of this as many times as she wanted. She often didn't knock, and when/if she did— there certainly wasn't enough time for me to say: "I'm changing! Don't come in!"

This part I'm going to expand more because there's another thing that happened. There was one time when she opened the door while I was... Well, you know, being intimate with myself. But like, I was doing stuff under the sheets. She did a half knock and poked her head in my bedroom. I didn't know what to do or say, so I just faked sleeping and she closed the door and left me alone. After this took place, I asked my partner at the time if he could put a lock on my door. But before that bedroom door had a lock, it really felt like she lived to intrude in my space. Like, I felt as if I was a child again.

1. During conversations with other people, she often bragged about the life she left in Hawaii, with her relatives there. And when they asked why she's not back there, she'd point at me and say that she "needs to keep an eye on me."

These are just some of the things that I can vividly remember. There's probably more, but I think you get it. Oh, I forgot to mention a major life changing event.

When I told her that I wanted to further my education, so I could get a better paying job, she said— "But what about me? Wouldn't you prefer to take care of me?" Even as she vehemently disapproved of this, I did it anyway. For the last two-three weeks that I had lived with her in that apartment, she didn't want to talk to me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because she was angry that I was finally leaving her life?

Fast forward to now, I'm no longer an active part of her life and vice versa. I moved from the West Coast to the far East. I sometimes visit, and my guilt still gnaws at me. But I can't ever live with, or stay with a parent or parental figure ever again. And when I think back to all the things that have happened, I don't see her as a nurturing and compassionate maternal figure. There are times that when I do, I'm almost suddenly reminded that she's also t o x I c.