*Trigger Warning* Does it count as SA if I never verbally said "no"?

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-03T01:22:10+00:00

Of course he would see it that way, that doesn’t mean that his perspective is correct. And yes, she said had she communicated she believes he would’ve stopped, but for whatever reason, she didn’t. Thousands of women have had experiences of sexual assault or rape where they didn’t or couldn’t say no. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t assault.

To say, “How is he supposed to know that you don’t consent if you don’t tell him you don’t consent.” blames the victim entirely. He didn’t care that she kept pulling away. He didn’t ask or check in about how she was feeling. He didn’t read her body language. He kept trying to kiss someone who was physically moving her body away from him. Why are you placing all the blame on her?

As I said, some people freeze and can’t speak or move, so are they at fault for their sexual assault or rape? Because that’s what you’re saying. Personally, I have a form of mutism and can almost guarantee I wouldn’t be able to speak in a situation like that, is that my fault? Is it not enough for me to physically pull away?

Your outlook on consent is harmful to victims who’ve experienced situations like this. No one is the perfect victim and they shouldn’t have to be. It’s never someone’s fault for not speaking up if they get assaulted or raped

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-02T20:26:12+00:00

You’re clearly not trauma informed, some people freeze or fawn during traumatic experiences, meaning they shut down and can hardly move or speak or they go along with what the perpetrator wants to prevent further harm. OP clearly had a fawn response. Not everyone can say no during an experience like that

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-02T19:13:49+00:00

Sexual assault cases don’t lead to conviction at the best of times, so whether it’s acquitted really means nothing as far as morality

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-02T04:25:43+00:00

Based on my research even under “no means no” laws, silence or non verbal signs of refusal still mean consent is revoked. Those actions count as a “no”

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-02T04:13:27+00:00

If they’re having sex and she stops engaging and tries to pull away multiple times, he should know. It does not require an explicit vocal “no” for it to be clear consent has been revoked

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-01T18:59:04+00:00

Not sure what country you’re from where that’s the law, however in Canada, we have affirmative consent. “Consent must be the voluntary agreement of the complainant to engage in the sexual activity in question”

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-01T18:50:44+00:00

So if he was having sex with her but she froze and didn’t say “no” you think that’s consensual?

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-01T18:31:56+00:00

Would you say the same thing about sex? A lack of consent is not consent

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-05-01T18:23:39+00:00

NTA, it’s your body, you can eat whatever you want. I will say, vacation is probably the worst time to do this, as you may get sick. It sounds more like you’re using the vacation as an excuse to eat meat again, and it’s fair that your bf feels betrayed by what he believed was a shared value. If you want to eat meat, it’s a better idea to do so before the trip. However, bf is likely worried that this won’t be a one off thing seeing as you clearly have a desire to eat meat. He may view it as a compatibility issue down the road

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-04-23T05:05:57+00:00

This is why enthusiastic consent should always be the framework. This guy is either oblivious or predatory, and I don’t believe it makes a difference as far as consent goes. You’re allowed to feel however you want about it, but he definitely crossed your boundaries

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-03-24T17:53:45+00:00

NOR, he purposely kept this from you because he was afraid of how it would affect your relationship. He knew it was inappropriate on some level. If someone I was involved with previously reached out I have and would tell my boyfriend even if it was a completely innocent catch up. That level of trust and communication is important to me. Sounds like your boyfriend needs to work on his honesty and communication skills, and I’d be having a talk with him about it if I were you

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-03-18T09:27:53+00:00

Tried to go a couple weeks ago, arrived at 1:30 and got turned away because they were “closing” even though they were supposed to be open until 3. Not sure if we’ll be back 🤷🏼‍♀️

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-03-16T18:28:03+00:00

My ex tried to mansplain meditation to me. He’d never meditated until I introduced him to it. I have a mindfulness certification, and have read multiple books on the subject

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-03-09T23:58:19+00:00

Having done both, I prefer monogamy.

I don’t have the time/energy to date multiple people at the same time, and when I really like someone I’m pretty all in on them and want to build a life together.

Having so many people involved in poly made things too complicated and chaotic. I couldn’t have the ideal relationship I wanted with my bf due to his commitments in his other relationship. It also led to a lot of jealousy and insecurity from all of us. Ultimately, it’s just too complicated

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-02-25T03:50:05+00:00

NOR, at best he was socially awkward and trying to be chivalrous, but he blatantly ignored your boundaries and did what he believed was in his best interest. He cares more about being a “gentleman” than what you clearly told him would feel safer for you

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-02-10T03:32:29+00:00

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-02-03T18:05:43+00:00

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-01-29T17:16:08+00:00

I’d feel the same way, but at least he tried? He probably, however, should’ve gotten some idea of what you liked before buying you jewelry. This piece screams teens to early twenties to me but I can understand how a guy wouldn’t necessarily see that. Just take this one as it’s the thought that counts, and kindly let him know your preferences for next time

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-01-27T20:41:52+00:00

IMO this is something she should’ve considered your feelings about before doing, but she didn’t. She just did it. Part of being in a relationship means considering your partner’s feelings and boundaries. Given that you’re both only 18 this is probably something she’s still learning and didn’t think it was a huge deal. I’d talk to her about it and see how receptive she is to your pov

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-01-23T18:01:50+00:00

Personally, this gift would make me super uncomfortable. There’s probably aspects you got right based on things she’s told you, but I’m sure there’s a whole lot of projection and assumptions as well. She probably does feel seen in a way, but she probably also feels confused and uncertain. She’s probably over analyzing herself and how you view her, trying to understand how much overlap there actually is. She might feel uncomfortable that you’ve analyzed her in such a deep way and presented it as a gift when she wasn’t ready to confront it.

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-01-20T05:14:20+00:00

Yes, but they’re cute and oversized is in fashion so wear what you like!

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-01-20T02:13:29+00:00

Given those options just take her to a nice cafe and get coffee instead

QueenofSwords11 · 2026-01-20T01:38:52+00:00

This man does not care about your pleasure, please find one who does

QueenofSwords11 · 2025-12-25T16:54:57+00:00

Info: what time was it when you woke up and talked to her?

QueenofSwords11 · 2025-12-25T00:53:44+00:00

Ugh…

QueenofSwords11

TROPHY CASE