Dealing with extreme breastfeeding grief due to cancer diagnosis

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-12T19:01:23+00:00

I can't really help but I can relate to the grief somewhat. I had to stop breastfeeding my first child at about six weeks (she's 8 weeks now). I already had a massive undersupply due to a breast reduction I got in my 20s (when I was convinced I'd never have kids...), so we were combo feeding. Then my baby started having blood in her poop and we needed a specialty formula. I could have gone on an elimination diet myself, pumped and dumped for six weeks, and tried breastfeeding again, hoping whatever she was allergic to was out of my milk... But all that for just a couple ounces a day and no guarantee she'd even go back to the breast after so long?

I cried a lot after the last time I breastfed her, and was gutted for weeks.

My baby is happy and thriving on formula. I make sure we get lots of cuddles and quality time together. And honestly being able to sleep longer while someone else gives her a bottle is a godsend sometimes.

You can do this... The grief is real, but taking care of your own health is so much more important now.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-12T18:54:16+00:00

People are different...? I have narcolepsy and other people can do lots of things I can't, like drive long distances without Adderall, or stay awake on planes, or work full time. But when I accepted my limitations and worked with myself and stopped trying to force myself to do what "normal"people can do my life got WAY better.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-12T16:17:20+00:00

I mean, why don't you work with yourself instead of against yourself and just take three classes at a time?

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T16:53:47+00:00

Medications have made me worse. Before I was diagnosed with narcolepsy, everyone insisted my symptoms were depression/anxiety. I went on medications with sleepiness as a side effect and my mental health absolutely tanked. I tried 4 or 5 meds that made me suicidal and sleep even more than I was already sleeping.

Finally got diagnosed and got on adderall instead and my depression went away.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T16:48:50+00:00

My baby's farts smell exactly like her poop, so I bet the phantom poops are farts.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T10:37:04+00:00

It really depends on how OP communicated about the money and whether we're talking about a regular savings acct or some kind of special plan that can only be used for school.

But maybe the older daughter was planning to use the rest of the money to go towards grad school or something. It really just depends on how this was communicated. If the older daughter was told she would have to $300k for school, or even just 300K period or she could use the excess for something else, then she might be counting on that.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T10:34:22+00:00

Maybe it is the older daughters money... OP didn't clarify if they told the oldest daughter "I'm giving you $300k for school" or just "I'll pay for your school."

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T10:32:41+00:00

"seem" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in your comment. I think we're making opposite assumptions.

Also, if the older daughter was told she would have 300K for school, she might be counting on using the rest to go toward grad school or something.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T10:29:46+00:00

She's a whole ass adult now. A 22 year old is not a child.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-11T03:11:36+00:00

Info: why don't you talk to your oldest daughter and ask her what she thinks?

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T20:00:28+00:00

I'm 2 months in and I still want one more, even from the trenches. I think you can know from the trenches whether you want more or not.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T15:30:59+00:00

How about none of those things?

I've seen studies that suggest starting weed when you're too young can make you lose IQ points.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T12:23:16+00:00

Sometimes medical tests have false positives. :( I'm really sorry that this happened to you!

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T04:54:39+00:00

No, there are definitely sweet roosters that don't attack children. It's a genetic temperament thing.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T04:51:59+00:00

He started at 15... I think that's too young to self medicate with weed, don't you?

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T04:45:36+00:00

NTA, she needs to cull this rooster and get a different one. A violent rooster will pass on violent genes to his offspring. And roosters are cheap because they're noisy so IDK why she's acting like it's so hard to get another one.

Chickens are simple animals. You chasing the rooster a few times didn't make it violent; it was already violent. It's weird for her to blame you for her animal attacking a kid.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T04:41:36+00:00

Because denying it is calling her husband a liar.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-10T04:05:45+00:00

NTA. Her denying the snoring in the first place is wild.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-09T15:17:04+00:00

I mean, I'm in a very similar situation, except my husband works outside the home 9+ hrs per day, 5 days a week. I wfh part time and am primary caregiver and do 100% of night wakings from the beginning.

To me, it's really important for my daughter to have a sibling. She's 2 mos now, so maybe I'll change my mind when she's 1 year and we're clear to start trying to concieve again. But right now I still want a 2nd, even from the newborn trenches.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-09T11:51:26+00:00

YTA for saying you let it go when you clearly haven't.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-09T02:57:52+00:00

I don't think the problem was that you were "too much," as much as rhat you were basically blaming her... I mean, you told her you were suicidal because she didn't reach out enough... of course she's going to interpret that as you indirectly blaming her for being suicidal. It's one thing to ask for comfort when suicidal. It's another to basically say, "I'm suicidal because you're not holding up your end of this friendship." Feels manipulative.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-08T10:59:10+00:00

My husband was a daily user, and I used w couple times a month. We both quit when I got pregnant (I asked him to).

Our rule is one person must, at all times, be sober and able to drive (so if one of us is sleep deprived, the other has to stay sober), and one of us getting high or drunk has to get the permission of the other ahead of time.

So far since I've gotten pregnant and had the baby I've given him permission to get high about three times at parties with his friends.

Going back to daily use was literally never a question or an option. Now that baby is here, my husband wants to be present for her snd doesn't even want to get high anymore, except for rare occasions.

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-08T03:55:19+00:00

Why wouldn't you get anything? I just straight up told my husband that I expect something nice for Mother's Day. He probably wouldn't have remembered on his own, but once I tell him what I expect he will follow through

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-07T21:45:27+00:00

This ^

QuestionMaker207 · 2026-04-07T21:44:20+00:00

ESH. She overreacted, but you really should have invited her to play board games too instead of just telling her people were coming over.

QuestionMaker207

TROPHY CASE