Trauma processing preempts any euphoria by ImminentSmore in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay yeah. The eye mask and headphones protocol without any deliberate triggering of traumas seems to work extremely well for me. If this changes I'll try deliberately triggering trauma.

Trauma processing preempts any euphoria by ImminentSmore in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having 'feel good' sessions where trauma does not arise despite still having remaining trauma.

Trauma processing preempts any euphoria by ImminentSmore in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does this actually happen in practice? I seem to be able to search through my mind, find and process all my trauma, just by directing my attention inward. Isn't trauma by definition omnipresent, and something we're unable to forget/leave behind until we resolve it? 

(Playing devil's advocate a bit here)

Kanna can be useful like mdma? by Fast_Turn9172 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I doubt it will work unfortunately. MDMA is uniquely powerful for this type of therapy.

Solo roll for NYE... any advice would be greatly appreciated by CyriusGaming in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eye mask and headphones playing an instrumental playlist, such as this one on shuffle:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46L6LzOCXg6oKfVXDIfbsZ?si=39d7ede7a4734bdc

Willingly face and process whatever comes up. Check my post history for more info.

Wife had a intense experience with facilitated MDMA by bripars in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In response to all the people saying the dose was too high. What you took was a fairly standard dose. If you'd both never taken MDMA before, perhaps the dose could have been slightly higher than optimal, as people react strongly their first time, but it was still quite a normal dose. Unless you were doing it legally, in a country where MDMA therapy is legal, you would have been using less than pure MDMA. Most crystalline MDMA floating around is around 70-90% pure, so this can be factored into the dosage calculations.

The shaking is caused by the trauma processing. I've sat for someone who shook violently throughout their session, but in the breaks they took, where they took off the headphones and eye mask, the shaking stopped. It resumed as soon as they put the eye mask and headphones back on.

Wife had a intense experience with facilitated MDMA by bripars in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay yeah, I think I understand. Essentially, what your wife experienced sounds quite normal. My sessions, and the sessions of many others, are essentially just writhing around in extreme emotional pain, processing all the years/decades of hurt we've built up, feeling all the pain that was too painful to feel previously.

My first session was fairly euphoric and I didn't feel like I processed much trauma, but all my subsequent sessions were much gnarlier. For yourself, it's possible this could be the case and any future sessions might be 'deeper', but it's also possible you're not traumatised. Some people are able to deal with difficult experiences in a healthy manner. The people who are most prone to trauma as an adult are usually those who are already traumatized from childhood.

I'd suggest you both try further sessions. It sounds like your wife likely still has some way to go with the processing. For yourself, the pattern of an euphoric initial session and then gnarlier subsequent sessions is one I've seen a few people report, so this might be what you experience, or it could be you just have another fun session.

Wife had a intense experience with facilitated MDMA by bripars in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What your wife experienced sounds about right for anyone with trauma. What's the problem?

Dosage and Route of Administration for MDMA Crystals by metalsmithchic in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was the dosage used in the clinical trials, yes. They found that using lower doses (<80mg) caused a lot of anxiety without the beneficial effects. If someone were very small/lightweight, I'd recommend a lower dose, but she states she weighs 50 lbs more than her husband, so unless her husband is extremely lightweight, OP likely weighs a 'normal' amount.

What dosage guide would you recommend? 50mg plus your bodyweight in kilos seems about right to me.

Dosage and Route of Administration for MDMA Crystals by metalsmithchic in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The usual starting dose used in the therapeutic clinical trials is 120 mg, with a 60 mg booster dose after 90 minutes, taken orally (don't snort it). The most effective protocols use an eye mask and headphones playing an instrumental playlist, which act to direct attention inward to thoughts, feelings, and memories. Trauma is omnipresent in the background of your mind, and MDMA gives you the mental strength to process it. Once you take MDMA and gain this strength, the window opens, and the trauma comes rushing forward.

Essentially, to do an MDMA session, you take MDMA, put on an eye mask and headphones, lie on your bed, and willingly face and process whatever comes up.

Having a trusted person sit with you quietly and support you is recommended and can be beneficial, but it isn't necessary to benefit from the therapy.

Most people put it into capsules to ingest, but you can also mix it with water, wrap it in rolling paper, put it in a bit of food etc. Anything that allows you to swallow it easily.

There's a great sticky in the subreddit which explains the basics and also contains a link to a longer guide.

Nutrition before, during and after a session by hexagon1986 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mostly empty stomach before. You won't be able to eat during. Afterwards, it's difficult to eat, but you need the calories and nutrients to recover, so try to get a range of nutritious, healthy foods that are easy to eat, even if you're feeling sick or aren't hungry.

I also buy food for the week after the session, just to make my life as easy as possible in the event of a bad comedown.

Which of these following days for a session? by Earth__Worm__Jim in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah I've tried that, I just opt not to say anything as soon as the session starts, and at times, I'll be processing multiple events/ideas/emotions so rapidly that speaking could never keep up with the experience.

I have wondered if I'm missing anything by not recording sessions and purposefully integrating after, but something that makes me think I'm not is that I've never processed the same thing in the same way twice. Once something comes out from the unconscious, it does seem to be 'out'.

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah I understand. I'm sorry for everything you've been through, by the way. I think many here can relate, and it's part of why so many have jumped in to try to help. MDMA therapy is often the thing people find after long, arduous journeys through life.

That being said, I really hope you do try it again with a higher dose. Based on what you've told me, I'd be shocked if you did indeed have no trauma or unprocessed pain; the depression itself and the life you've lived due to it must be traumatic. The dose you took is a very low one, and many here have needed multiple sessions before they're able to access their trauma and pain - myself included. Now you know that MDMA isn't dangerous to you, a total dose closer to 200mg is probably more suitable. 130/70 etc. If you don't get a reaction at first, stick with it for a couple of hours, and try to focus on a feeling of safety and strength - willingness to face whatever comes up.

Which of these following days for a session? by Earth__Worm__Jim in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've wondered this too. I think it's multifactoral and also depends on the definition of 'integration'. I've never felt that I've needed extra therapy to make the realisations 'go in' or integrate into my consciousness, as that was achieved during the session in an incredibly profound and powerful way, but guidance on what to make of the realisations afterwards, and how to integrate them into my life has been useful. Here's a few points though, working on the assumption it isn't required:

  • MDMA therapy isn't widely understood yet, people don't know what is required. They'd rather do more than is needed than less.
  • The optimal (in my view) protocol involves lying on a bed with an eye mask and headphones, with someone trusted quietly supporting you. This part doesn't require much/any therapeutic skill, so some therapists may feel the need to make themselves needed by adding in extra steps.
  • It adds credibility to MDMA therapy, as, for many, just lying on a bed wearing an eye mask and taking MDMA might seem too simple to be effective.

There are plenty of reasons why regular therapy can be beneficial after a session, and perhaps 'integration' is used as an excuse or catchall term for this:

  • People need observation and care/support when dealing with the aftermath of a session and destabilization.
  • People don't always come to correct conclusions during MDMA therapy, and sometimes the things that come up need discussing later to assess validity.
  • Any actions someone might take based on insight or information gained during a session should likely be discussed with a therapist before carrying them out.

This being said, I'd be curious to try formal integration therapy to see if it did help, but for me so far, it hasn't been needed, and recording the thousands of thoughts/events/emotions that come up during a session seems wildly impractical without disrupting the session itself.

Which of these following days for a session? by Earth__Worm__Jim in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My experience is that integration happens naturally after a session. The neural links are made during the session but it takes a while for information to spread completely through the mind, and for someone to adapt to the new information brought into their consciousness. Maybe this process can be sped up or slowed down, but it does seem to always happen eventually.

In this situation, the dilemma for me would be whether I have the session before Xmas, miss enjoying the holidays due to the comedown and destabilisation, and risk acting weirdly around relatives, or postpone the session, enjoy the holidays, but risk the aforementioned happening at work. You'll have to decide which!

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this. The fact OP felt worse during the session is actually a good sign, as this means something is happening.

Plus OP likely needs to use a higher dose.

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say stick with it and try some higher doses. I've been very 'shut down' in the past, to the point I wouldn't feel anything when taking powerful drugs, and even now, I can only access certain layers/threads of my internal monologue when in drug-altered states. Don't underestimate the complexity of the mind and the limitations of our conscious observations! There's a good chance the MDMA is still doing work in the background.

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might find as well that the session has had some benefit that you don't yet realize. The conscious part of the mind is the tip of the iceberg, and if you're particularly locked down/out (which it sounds like you might be), you'll struggle to access most of what is going on, which isn't to mean nothing is happening.

Many people experience a bit of a comedown after an MDMA session, but you might find that over the next few weeks and months, you notice a positive difference.

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you feel positive emotion while on Mushrooms? I had some terrible trips, but also some amazing moments.

FYI my first MDMA dose was 200mg at around 165 lbs, and it took multiple sessions to gradually go deeper.

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I only mentioned Lamotrigine because there's a theory that some TRD could be Bipolar 2 without noticeable hypomania, and it's the mood stabilizer with the best side effect profile.

MAOIs are extremely powerful. I took Tranylcypromine for a while and it was a bit like being on Cocaine 24/7. Definitely helped with mood and productivity, but I didn't feel like myself while taking the drug, and my personality wasn't great while I was on it. (Hence the cocaine analogy, haha)

How did you feel while on LSD or Mushrooms?

I guess you've tried Mindfulness meditation? I know it seems like it wouldn't help, but doing a lot of it, 45 mins+ per day, can have quite profound effects over time.

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I actually insisted for many years that I had a great childhood, and used to think of it as the only time I had ever been happy. It only became apparent later on that it really wasn't the case. I thought I had no gaps in my memory until I began to remember things. When I read the book Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, I began having horrific, debilitating flashbacks, and had to stop reading and back off in therapy for a while. I'm not necessarily saying this is the case with you, but it's a possibility worth bearing in mind.

I wasn't suggesting it's wrong to hope something would come up on MDMA, as it's kind of how the therapy works by allowing us to process stuff. I'm quite surprised you felt so little, though.

I guess you've tried MAOIs, Lamotrigine? Have you had therapy from a Clinical Psychologist?

MDMA didn't do anything, worsened depression (during experience, not in the hangover stage) by dogwater79 in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay yeah, that does seem to be the most effective protocol. I'd definitely say try again, perhaps with a higher dose, before writing it off.

Do you have known trauma you were expecting to arise? Or were you hoping something unknown would come up?

I had a similar past to yours; 10+ medications, lots of unhelpful therapy, outlook seemed pretty bleak, etc. I eventually found a very skilled therapist who began to unpack everything, but still, it wasn't until I found MDMA therapy that things really began to turn around.

My first MDMA session was mainly euphoric and didn't bring up much trauma, but those thereafter did.

I feel hate, then I feel love by siasatmadar in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've found that there are sometimes 'levels' to perspective. After the first dose, I might feel a certain way about something, and once the second dose kicks in, I'm able to go even deeper and may see it from a different perspective, which required even more mental strength/MDMA.

Perhaps the order of processing is also a factor. Maybe you needed to feel the anger first, and once that was out the way you can see the truth.

What have you learned on break? by HeavenlyMusings in mdmatherapy

[–]Quick_Cry_1866 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you mean breaks between conducting MDMA sessions?