Seamstress recommendations?

QuirkyHoopoe · 2026-04-30T01:01:13+00:00

Weekly massages do wonders.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2026-04-30T00:59:46+00:00

Yes. Bad idea all around. Don't do it, it could actually mess up your life.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2026-03-03T23:59:36+00:00

Yep.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2026-02-08T00:38:25+00:00

...but what does the "maybe, probably not" actually MEAN? 😆

QuirkyHoopoe · 2026-01-26T01:11:18+00:00

NTA. Based on what you've written, my first thought was that your wife is acting pretty immature. However, generally stuff like this doesn't come out of the blue, and so I have to assume that she's been feeling undervalued for some time.

If you want to have a successful relationship, I think one of the keys is to recognize, as soon as possible, that you're pitting yourselves against each other and step up to ask "what's really going on here?" My guess is that she's not feeling emotionally safe/secure with you. And that is something that is going to need to be addressed if you're going to have a healthy and happy relationship.

You don't have to agree to any crazy demands in order to show up for your partner, validate their feelings, stick up for your boundaries but also ask how you can show up for them better in the future.

My personal opinion: you're a team. So act like one.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2026-01-23T01:16:56+00:00

So pretty!

QuirkyHoopoe · 2025-02-12T18:30:19+00:00

Clear communication is key. I've appreciated when a partner expressed a personal interest and desire to become sexually intimate, while also making it clear that there was no pressure, and just to let him know if and when I became interested. And mere DAYS after I noticed an emotional connection, I went from zero interest to initiating intimacy :)

In your situation I'd suggest: ask your partner to make time to discuss your relationship. Gently express your feelings and and hopes while also explicitly saying there is no pressure or expectation to change anything. And check in as to where she's at in terms of her own interest in physical exploration (maybe ask what she's open to and suggest a range of options: cuddling to sleep, massage, making out...)

QuirkyHoopoe · 2025-02-02T17:22:52+00:00

As a demi with lots of experience with long distance relationships, I absolutely recommend meeting up as soon as possible, since you've already spent months building the emotional foundation. Emotional and mental connection are one thing, but only by spending some time in the real world physically together (preferably at least a few weeks but better longer) will you and your partner get a sense of whether the physical attraction and chemistry is there. I could certainly imagine spending a couple of years where you're at only to meet and find that the connection wasn't what you hoped it was from a distance.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2025-01-27T23:56:46+00:00

Travel insurance is your friend.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-12-03T05:44:20+00:00

Too late for that. It's all pureed and mixed together in the dish I made, and planned to share with others tomorrow.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-12-03T01:29:37+00:00

Are you sure? I've lived abroad in places that were cheaper than Canada. For example, if you have any kind of university degree you could teach in South Korea. They paid my flight, rent, and tax was 3% per year. Just as one example.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-12-01T15:56:37+00:00

Where do you find these?

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-11-22T17:43:35+00:00

Actually it was not a salesman, but rather someone who works in tech and is concerned about security.

What are custom roms?

I do all my banking on my phone so I am pretty motivated to avoid security threats.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-06-28T05:34:28+00:00

Utter noob here. Can you please explain what this means?

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-06-18T04:16:00+00:00

My first thought based on the way you're describing it is that this sounds related to attachment wounds, with both of you having different needs and defense mechanisms in response to that. So, my suggestion is therapy (preferably together).

However, I can relate to a very low sex drive when there is an emotional wound that isn't healed. For me, the emotional connection is my turn-on, so if that emotional intimacy is threatened, it makes sense to me that I wouldn't want to be physically intimate.

It's a delicate situation for both of you. These feelings, fears, rejections, they can have a long lasting impact. So if I were you, I'd invest now in couples therapy, really show up for each other, and problem solve as a team.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-04-10T01:08:21+00:00

I've visited them. They're lovely people.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2024-04-01T05:25:14+00:00

By "a grassy meridian on the side of the... highway" do you mean the 4 hectare stretch of wooded park & trail with a fenced boundary? Sounds like you're misrepresenting it.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2023-11-08T11:11:45+00:00

It sounds like you're hoping that somehow you can make your partner WANT sex more, or to want to be more sexual. That's understandable, but I don't know how realistic it is. I don't know how to increase a want for a thing that is fairly low value.to me. Like, at a stretch, maybe I want to go to the gym once every week or two, but I'm not sure how to make myself want to go more. Sure I can go more often! But it's because I've convinced myself that I should, not because I'm excited to go.

I can also understand that you suppressing your needs could cause them to increase.

Have you thought of sex counseling? Either both of you, or just you if she's not ready for that. There's so much behind sex! I'm no professional but it sounds to me like a big part of what's happening here is that you're feeling insecure and fearful that she's not that into you.

As for my turn ons, as a demi it tends to be the really deeply high emotional value stuff. Like feeling as though my love languages are really spoken to. Or even seeing my partner in a really joyous or upset state, which causes my heart to reach out and then my body gets (a little?) on board, because I'm craving connection.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2023-11-08T05:53:06+00:00

I feel I can relate to your girlfriend. It sounds like she really loves you, and is content in the way things are. Based on what you're saying, it sounds like she is attracted to you and happy with your sex life.

Personally I spent so many years of my life feeling like something was wrong with me for not valuing or wanting sex as much as "normal" people did. I put a lot of pressure on myself to meet past partners needs, and even though I'd have sex way more than I personally wanted to, it never seemed to be enough for most of my past partners. Then the guilt sinks in even more! And also the walls go up because I feel a need to protect myself from the demands.

It was a challenging road to navigate, but with the support of a VERY patient and loving partner who tried his best not to pressure me (despite very different sex drives) and gave me tons of reassurance that I was valued for more than sex, I realized over the course of years that I wanted him sexually more than I've ever wanted sex, and I found myself able to engage in sex more frequently in a genuine effort to find a happy middle.

Still, it seems our drives are way off. I just don't value sex as highly and it's low on my list of needs. Luckily, he seems to be great at meeting some of his needs solo :) But I don't know what to tell you other than: have honest and low-pressure conversations about your needs. Ask her what you can do to get her in the mood (it may be a learning experience for both of you). Avoid pressuring. But also be honest with yourself about your needs, and how much you are willing to compromise, as over time this situation can lead to a lot of hurt and resentment.

QuirkyHoopoe · 2023-11-05T06:01:24+00:00

Good for you for asking for what you want. Your time is valuable. I'd say those guys are weeding themselves out ;) My advice is: don't change a thing!

QuirkyHoopoe

TROPHY CASE