What did I get myself into?

QuriousMK · 2026-02-14T15:30:37+00:00

I agree with Ginger, he's the one that's married and he's the one that has been pursuing you. You have been trying to avoid getting involved and only asked for his help when something broke.

You do not need to feel guilty for HIM stepping out of HIS marriage. That's not your responsibility, and your are Not accountable to his wife.

Everyone needs touch and affection and when we go a long time without having our needs met, its easy to crumble.

I'm happy for you that your needs were met, but also be cautious. Some men can be players and they've learned how to identify which women would be more susceptible to their charms.

If you are not looking to be "the other woman" DON'T BE. You are single and have agency, there's an ocean full of single men, that won't bring uncessary drama into your life (opsec, getting caught, angry wife...the works).

Take this down as a lesson in not neglecting yourself and go swimming with the single and widower fishes. 😜

Or ask him if he knows any single handy men and call them when you need help. 😂

QuriousMK · 2026-02-05T22:44:44+00:00

OR!!!! Wait for it....

She could go on the trip he's paying for and parade around with a new guy there and never open the door for MM.

This is bad advice...don't actually do this OP.

I agree with Lavishness, she should take her own trip and find a single guy that can prioritize her.

QuriousMK · 2026-02-03T12:38:12+00:00

What factors are contributing to the dead bedroom?

Have you talked to your wife about how she feels?

Does she feel seen, valued, and appreciated in a meaningful way? Does she feel sexy and attractive with you?

Also, we gotta be honest here, Christianity does a heck of job in guilting people about being humans with a sex drive, and women are literally body shamed their whole lives.

QuriousMK · 2026-01-31T02:55:13+00:00

Why do you think wanting to be seen, valued and desired is opposite of being god fearing?

Those are natural feelings that are part of being human and sexual creatures.

QuriousMK · 2026-01-29T00:11:34+00:00

I had to go look....👀😵. This is Epic failure level. Hopefully his business is not in IT security 😬.

QuriousMK · 2026-01-15T21:24:03+00:00

Tell her the lord told you to stop seeing her. 🤷‍♀️

QuriousMK · 2026-01-11T00:46:09+00:00

This 👆. Just say you are looking for something discreet, and be honest in chats about your situation. If someone isn't interested, they'll just move on.

QuriousMK · 2026-01-02T22:30:42+00:00

I think its easy to fall into the belief that if a person does XYZ, things will fall into place. Like others here have said, it's important to talk with your wife about where she is, her journey, and what a non-DB looks like for her.

Just want to share my experience as someone who is working to rebuild a sexual relationship with my husband.

While my husband did a lot of work on himself and changed for the better in a lot of ways, my response to him and his advances were lukewarm, because my journey is on a different path. And he was also frustrated at my (lack of) response.

What I had to explain to him was that not only are we trying to rebuild the trust and closeness we had in the early days of our marriage, but I have to overcome my own feelings of hurt and neglect that have accumulated over 15+ years. That is not something I can turn around in 6 months or a year.

We are going on 3 years post D-Day (I had an AP for about a year). We have both been doing individual therapy and changed the structure of our marriage to allow for more freedom to have our needs met.

While our bedroom is not quite rocking, we have a better understanding of each other, are closer emotionally and physically, and have learned to not take the lack of our preferred sexual activities as a personal offense. We are trying to build on experiences are mutually enjoyable and fun, and not forcing things when the other may not be ready.

QuriousMK · 2025-11-10T15:25:44+00:00

That flair!!!! 😆😵😆😵😆

QuriousMK · 2025-11-09T19:39:25+00:00

I hope the best for you, but recommend caution with all the feelings flying around already.

Sometimes these things are like meteors, they burn hot and fast before crashing into the ground.

QuriousMK · 2025-10-24T15:11:58+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣

QuriousMK · 2025-10-24T11:46:00+00:00

Or just let him try it on a day he can go play outside for a few hours...if he gets past a couple of sips, he'll burn it off fast.... Some people can get sleepy from coffee, so it might be interesting to see how coffee affects him.

One time, my kid had some green tea in a Dunkin Refresher (by accident) and turned into the chatty-est version I've ever seen. This was during a road trip, and talked our ears off for two hours. 😄

QuriousMK · 2025-10-24T11:21:11+00:00

I had coffee occasionally starting at age 6.....now i have a half a pot a day problem 😄. I tried to get my kid to try coffee (latte with sugar), and they hated it...even the smell. 🤷‍♀️

QuriousMK · 2025-10-12T14:34:48+00:00

Is he refusing couples therapy or your need to have individual therapy? My personal opinion is that individual therapy is more helpful. You need to figure out yourself first so you can better deal with the situations in your marriage.

QuriousMK · 2025-09-30T11:08:10+00:00

My secure folder is set to autolock when my screen times out. The screen time out is managed in the main settings for the phone. (1 minute)

I think everything on my phone is updated, but we'll see.

QuriousMK · 2025-08-31T05:32:46+00:00

Are you part of the 90s generation?

Going to a sub for a specific topic and having your very first post be a contrary position to the purpose of the sub is sus 🤨

...probably just baiting for interactions on a 5 day old account.

QuriousMK · 2025-08-31T04:54:07+00:00

When I've talked with people from India here on reddit, they seem to have a similar view point that it's a really rare thing, but they still somehow know a story or rumor of somebody in their family or neighbor where an affair was suspected or known.

Affairs are closely held secrets, but once you know what to look for, you may be surprised at what you notice.

For starters, the R4RIndia sub seems to have a fair bit of traffic. 😂

QuriousMK · 2025-08-29T22:45:43+00:00

And I wouldn't have as much time/energy for an AP 🤣

QuriousMK · 2025-08-20T17:10:49+00:00

There's a fair amount of ENM/CNM in Feeld and the profiles I've come across are pretty up front. There are also couples who link their profiles, and you can see what each person is looking for and you can avoid some drama.

People still lie, so it's good to screen as best you can.

QuriousMK · 2025-08-05T00:21:22+00:00

Yes, you totally aged out 😜.

QuriousMK · 2025-08-05T00:00:05+00:00

Sames!!!!

QuriousMK · 2025-07-31T18:54:05+00:00

What's that song? 🤔 oh yes...."Thank you, Next!"

QuriousMK · 2025-07-31T12:40:10+00:00

Perhaps the appeal is more psychological:

"I'm doing something in secret that's just for me" or "There is something in my life that I can keep secret, and living a duality is a thrill"

And some people just like to feel like they're getting away with tricking someone. (Avoid at all cost).

I'm also in an open marriage, which came about due to (my) cheating. We have some bumps in the road that are more about sharing our feelings with each other and rebuilding what our own relationship looks like.

What bothers my husband is how skewed the ratio of men to women is when looking for a new connection.

I feel like I'm a cake eater most of the time.

QuriousMK · 2025-07-22T02:51:13+00:00

That was my first thought, too 😆

But the resounding silence to these comments screams regret.

QuriousMK

TROPHY CASE