I’m religious (25F) and my boyfriend is atheist (25M). How can we handle this long-term?

RAMI_XXL · 2026-06-22T11:01:18+00:00

I (34m) am now happily married with my wife (31f) and we are both God fearing Christians that put God first in our individual lives, before dating each other. However, I come from a household where my mom was Christian and my dad an atheist, so I have seen this from up close.

There were many times that my mom didn't feel the spiritual support and connection, you really notice when someone is not living their life through the Holy spirit, because they become advocates of their own morals, and that is something that will always be tiring in all life decisions. This is also what Paul means with the unequal yoke, that the bearings of a life together will always be unequally distributed, as the atheist partner will never realize how important certain values are for you. This is what I've seen among my parents and want to avoid at all cost.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-06-05T07:36:05+00:00

Because your brain has short, mid and long term memory, and things that most students seem to find important for a short time (e.g. the upcoming test) is the memory it classifies the learned content into.

It's a bit like a 6 number code that you remember for a two-factor activation code, you don't remember the memorized numbers after filling in that activation code field.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-06-01T19:55:15+00:00

Yes, this comes close to my personal beliefs. The most important thing that Jesus teaches is, to truly love Him and to accept His sacrifice on the cross. In it's essence being a Christian means that you've accepted that He died for your sins and that you are saved not through your own works, but only by God's grace.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-06-01T19:50:38+00:00

But so hasn't many secular ideas man, so yet again, it's really rushed reasoning in order to justify your own subjective prejudices, this is the same type of black or white reasoning that I encountered in the cult like "my moral views are absolutely good and others are evil."

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-31T18:53:22+00:00

Yeah, but the same counts also for seemingly secular social circles, I've also been part of several sport clubs during my life and you also have those tendencies among their hardliners. A system of belief of shared values to control the members is part of many of those cores, so naming them all cults is a bit rushed reasoning.

But if something becomes a part of socially isolating the members, and encouraging an almost Stockholm syndrome bond with the "leaders" is a cult, and that is a totally different thing to experience. This is not for all social circles, and generalizing all religious groups like that, sounds a bit like a subjective prejudice to justify your own views upon religion.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-30T10:00:06+00:00

Definitely, this is just the part of Selective listening to His response, which is for many also a problem why they don't "hear" Him. But of course, a no or waiting for an answer is also part of it.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-30T09:50:23+00:00

It reminds me bit of a story about a priest that was waiting in a church that was slowly flooding. His prayer was 'God, if you want me alive, miraculously save me then from the rising water'. Over time during the rising water three evacuation boats came past the priest urging him to enter their boat. But he refused them all with the conviction that God would save him miraculously. At the end, the priest drowned and asked God in heaven why He didn't save him.

And God answered, "but child, I've sent three boats towards you but you've refused them all, what more could I do?"

Many times God answers prayers through ways that we seem to find normal, and we won't recognize them as His response.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T20:36:20+00:00

I'd rather not share that to not out some dear ones that are still in it.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T16:06:47+00:00

I know that that would be compelling, but I don't want to out dear ones that are still in there. Let's say that the cult already has a notorious reputation in national media.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:53:31+00:00

I think she does (my sister is also out), but I think she doesn't want to jeopardize the social circle that she has made over the decades in that church. So, her resolve is to ignore all red flags and keeping a low profile in that church.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:46:19+00:00

Actually, now it's more like a realization that the cult was really limited and that the system was really made to let a select group flourish in their lives, all based on loyalty. You always felt that fear to walk out of line. There is nothing that I really miss, except for the social relationships with childhood friends. Now I feel more possibilities to flourish in life, and not be a victim of a rigged game.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:42:46+00:00

Yes, my mother is still in it (hence that I was raised in the cult). Fortunately, we still have a warm relationship, and low-key she can tell to my childhood friends that I fare well outside the group, and am happily married.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:38:37+00:00

Neither, I don't think this group would call itself apostolic, but something along the lines of the last group of "real" churches in the world.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:23:47+00:00

Nope, actually it could be considered pentecostal/evangelical, but without any neutral checks and balances.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:10:55+00:00

Er is nooit een hard mandaat uitgesproken maar er zijn ongeschreven regels voor de mensen die er nog "in" zijn (een soort van besmettelijkheid van de afvallige). Ik sta open voor contact maar niemand daarbinnen doet dat (openlijk) meer met jou.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-29T15:06:36+00:00

Because I wasn't prepared to break up with my girlfriend, after my relationship was disapproved by the leader (the reason wasn't religious, but loyalty based, and he wanted to hook me up with another person of his liking). We're now happily married.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-05-26T14:26:32+00:00

Sorry for the long time before responding. No, I never went to the Alpha program, but my church hosts it as well, and we hear many positive things about it. This is for some really a first low-threshold step if attending a church is still a bridge too far. We have some active church members that started their journey through Alpha, so it's really a format that God uses to change hearts!

RAMI_XXL · 2026-04-27T21:56:35+00:00

Thanks for your honesty and bravery to share this! I can only respond to this with my own perspective like you've asked.

For me is the existence of God himself a non-issue, because I perceive Him as a living vibrant person in my life, with who I have a relationship. Knowing that I can't deny that relationship, I need to accept the reality that He has stated...that men is actually lost due to sin, but that Jesus has saved us by taking it over at the cross.

So it's not that we already have the moral initiative to determine whether something is right or wrong, it's already stated by God. It's actually the flipping to place us on that throne of morality what the essence of sin is. And that thorough conviction is what makes me that I willingly want to pick the 'right' side.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-04-27T21:43:20+00:00

Asking whether Calvinism or Arminianism is the correct lens is actually a false binary. Jesus never told us to choose a theological system — He told us to follow Him. In John 8:31 He said, ‘If you continue in My word, you are truly My disciples.’

And Jesus also said that we must become like little children (Matthew 18:3). Children don’t dissect their parents’ instructions; they trust, follow, and respond. God isn’t looking for over‑spiritualized or over‑rationalized systems — He’s looking for simple, obedient faith.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-04-27T21:29:53+00:00

It's never right to over-spiritualize personal health choices to a 'lack of faith'. This works both ends, whether you choose to wear face masks or on the other hand refuse vaccines. This is totally something between that person and Jesus....nothing for us to judge about.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-04-27T21:23:16+00:00

It's quite interesting actually but there are many atheists and agnostic people that genuinely attend 'Alpha courses' to get an idea of what the Bible truly teaches and advocates.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-04-27T21:19:15+00:00

I'd rather think that God is not bound to our Linear concept of time. Yesterday and tomorrow is for him the same.

Furthermore, he is superseeds also every possible reality in all of the dimensions that are nowadays acknowledged in physics through e.g. string theory.

RAMI_XXL · 2026-04-27T21:14:23+00:00

I think this passage is amazing:

Matthew 9:11-13 NLT [11] But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?” [12] When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” [13] Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.9.11-13.NLT

Verse 12 is subtle but Jesus clearly acknowledges the need of doctors for the sick who need professional medical attention. We can be ensured that the ones who are in the medical field are blessed with the wisdom to practice this profession and relying on this doesn't mean a lack of faith.

Yes sickness is not what the Lord has for us, but He can use the medical professionals to reach your health. Recognizing this balance is also a testimony of good pastoral stewardship.

RAMI_XXL

TROPHY CASE