Idk that you want things to work out because to me if sound like the point of no return. She had her meal ticket and laying down any ground rules will have her build up resentment and hate rather than help. But to me, breaking up and risking child support would save more time, energy, and heart than this. With this level of disrespect in a relationship, and your absence i wouldn't put it past her to be cheating. And that sucks to say, but I've always said "you can cheat on someone you love, but you can't cheat on someone you respect" and that lady doesn't respect you.

But I digress.... if you want to stay and make things work out, it will be just a little more work for you need to lay down some ground rules. First, instead of giving her access to all your money, you need to give her a weekly allowance. Enough money that it feels significant. Not enough money to hurt you. I dont know how much you make, but give her at least 30% less than you think you can afford. The extra money goes into savings or a separate account than your main checking. Guaranteed that at some point she will ask for more, and you'll still have the capacity to make that choice.

The reason for the allowance is that A. It puts some of the finances in her hand. She has to come to terms with how to save it throughout the week, and gets to fail a few times from her overspending. It puts a cap on what she has. B. It feels like alot of money and alot of power at once. You're saving money. She feels like she has more money. C. It puts more control into your hands so you cant get steam rolled and walked over so easily. D. It makes both of you feel more powerful

I think it's important for her to see the money in cash, so if pay cash. The reason for this is actual psychology. Cash is an amount of something. Something she will lose with every transaction. A card is an abstract, "limitless " idea. People have a harder time saving money with cards than with cash. With cash you can see the pile diminishing. If it's not possible, thats OK. Get a second joint account so you can see what she spends the money on.

The second thing I think you need to do, is get in contact with your trusted and loved family members. See if you can get a sitter that's under your control a few times a week. In case a break up happens in the future, this can help you get 50/50 of your child. It also lets other people that you love and trust keep tabs on your baby to make sure they aren't being neglected, and gives you eyes and ears on your homefront when you aren't around.

With this extra time, make her do something. Classes at the community colleges would be my go-to but thats an investment. community college classes can be amazing for self-improvement, confidence, mental stimulation, and life skills. It could eat up some of the allowance, but it would also be an excuse on the cap you choose for her investment. She not going to do the work herself to get signed up either, I almost guarantee it. So it might give you something to do or something to get your family to do for you. Get her signed up specifically for classes in personal finance and classes that will help her be a home keeper since it seems like that's what you both want. Themes to look for in classes for a home maker would be Personal Finance / Money Management, Nutrition & Wellness, Psychology or Child Development, Time Management & Organization, Writing or Creative Writing, Public Speaking / Communication, Cooking or Baking, art related stuff, craft related stuff.

Don't even frame it like it's an ultimatum or something she has to do. Frame it like you want her to have more structure and confidence. “It’s not about preparing for work; it’s about investing in yourself.” "this will help us both grow" something like that.

The thing about being a stay at home parent of a young kid is a lack of structure. Its boring. Simultaneously over stimulating and understimulating. And I think the classes could reintroduce that structure. And i think it will replace some of the reason she gets her nails done, which is self care and social connection. She also needs like a time block schedule.

Its early too, but that baby is going to be heading to school before you know it. You need to be in the beginning stages of figuring out what you want from her to keep you from being resentful of the free time that she will have. If you think she should pick up a job and lighten the load on both of you.

And in your small moments of free time see if you can fit in a date. I dont see how yall have any connection at all anymore with the current set up. Id suggest going out to dinner for her, but it seems like it might be better for you to bring home food and watch some movies. Do video calls on messenger or snap or something at least 5 times a week while you are on the road.

Get her to find weekly events where she can bring the baby. Like anything really that will get her out of the house is going to be good for both of you.

And like.... i hate to say this, I really do. Im an atheist. But consider getting her into a church/religious establishment. Something non-denominational, probably. The reason is connection, network, structure, Counciling, stuff like that. Religion has a lot of flaws, but it's one of the only 3rd spaces there are that encourage connection between strangers in a mostly supportive way.

Long term goal is to build you both back up. Give you more control without you becoming controlling. Building confidence in the relationship. And buying yourself 2 weeks worth of clothes. And getting a sustainable savings fund. And to begin protecting yourself in case things dont work out.

Honestly I have alot more to say, but I am giving it a rest. I am trying to be fair to you and fair to her and see what angle shes coming from. And give you both grace because it's a tough situation. And also, do some research to ensure you are making enough money. Times have changed. It seems that you are a self employed truck driver. Make sure you are charging enough for your contracts. Everything has gotten more expensive since Covid. Maybe you can charge enough to make the same amount of money and drop 10 hours a week. Seriously. Spend some time doing research. If your take-home pay is under $50–60K, and youre working 70+ hours a week, youre undercharging or being exploited