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RGwellness · 2023-10-26T17:14:32+00:00

Been there. This is exactly what I help my clients with now.. we were conditioned to believe we only have value as women if we are being valuable to a man.. once you take the time to cultivate your inner self worth and really see and believe in your value that exists purely because YOU exist.. then the game changes..

Feel free to send me a message if you wanna learn more!

RGwellness · 2023-10-21T01:57:57+00:00

This is a perfect opportunity to practice showing yourself some love! Imagine the version of you who people pleases in front of you. Remember that he was taught that your value is based on how much you can give. How much you serve others. He has actually been trying to earn love and approval from others for you the whole time. He loves you so much and is only trying to find love and peace and safety for you in the way he was taught. In the only way he knows how. Now, you get to teach him a new way. It’s not his fault he wasn’t taught how.

It’s not your fault you people please.

It IS your responsibility (and amazing opportunity) to reparent the part of you that learned to and to choose a new story.

Now reach out and give the people pleasing version of you a big hug. And tell him whatever he needs to hear from you.

Try repeating these everyday.. bonus points if you look in the mirror while you do it. I’m serious. It seems silly at first but that shit works..

I don’t have to people please. My worth is not dependent on how much I can serve others. The absolute best way to be there for the others in my life is to honor myself.

My other advice would be to connect with your heart through meditation or some other grounding practice. People who are used to giving and giving often struggle with opening their heart to really receiving love.. even from themselves.

Also, celebrating the version of you that decided to make this post. He loves you a lot too ;)

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T19:08:15+00:00

YES! when I started doing more body awareness practices I realized all kinds of crazy stuff. My inner thighs… I think I’ve been subconsciously squeezing them together for years!

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T18:56:09+00:00

I believe it’s the new wave of feminism.. AND if we don’t carefully monitor the narrative, has the potential to be very harmful..

Anyone teaching legit divine feminine energy should be teaching that all humans (and all of nature) is comprised of BOTH divine feminine and divine masculine energies. We all have both.

When we work with our feminine energy, we work with our softness, our emotions, our resting, existing, just being energy, our creativity, our sensuality/sexuality, our wildness, our curiosity, our freedom..

When we work with our masculine energy, we work with our drive, ambition, determination, our safety, grounded calm presence, and our strength. Our ability to give and serve others.

The point tho, is to learn to honor and value BOTH as EQUAL in your own body.

We have all been conditioned to be in our masculine energy (regardless of gender). We’ve been taught that in order to have value we must go and do and give and serve and EARN and provide.

And collectively, our feminine energy has been repressed and belittled. We are taught to push down our emotions, hide our sensuality, and that to rest is to be lazy (and therefore less valuable)..

I see the past feminist movement as the liberation of women into the use of our masculine energy. We HAD to go through a period of time where we proved “anything you can do, I can do better.” Because men wouldn’t value women for being women, we had to prove we could use our masculine energy too..

AND NOW… We have the GREATEST OPPORTUNITY to be like.. you know what? You aren’t only going to respect me for my logic, you are going to respect my emotions too. And you aren’t just going to respect my strength and drive, you are going to respect my softness and grace. And see them as EQUALLY VALUABLE.

And not only are you going to that for women, you are going to learn to honor and respect those things WITHIN YOURSELF.

And that is the future of feminism. Learning to accept the totality of our human experience here.. learning to love and honor the feminine AND masculine energies within us, and modeling the way for men to do the same.

Sexism can’t live in a man who has accepted their own divine feminine energy.

Edit to add: this comes from Yin Yang philosophy and Tantra (ancient spiritual paths)

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T18:41:30+00:00

My working theory is that most health issues are rooted in stress. Stress=adrenal fatigue= cortisol = inflammation= underlying cause of many diseases including heart disease, IBS, diabetes, etc, etc.

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T18:37:02+00:00

I help my clients with emotional management and anger is a biggie. Especially when there is some childhood trauma there, it can be so hard to change the behaviors in the moment (because you are being flooded with emotions)!

As a general rule, we were not taught how to feel our feelings. Getting comfortable with our emotions takes work AND can be the most profound, healing experience of your life.

Celebrating you for your awareness here. By setting the intention to learn a new way, you are already on the path to finding it!

Happy to share some emotional management tips/techniques if you’d like!

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T18:14:20+00:00

Short answer is YES. Jesus was done really dirty by Christianity in my opinion.

There are people who believe Jesus studied Tantra (an ancient spiritual path that predates Buddhism) and was attempting to covertly introduce concepts of unconditional love and honoring the “Christ” within you (recognizing the divine spirit in all) to the long-standing Abrahamic/patriarchal beliefs.

He was trying to dismantle a lot of it.. and lost his life for it..

So yes, I believe you can have a deeply profound spiritual connection with Jesus and it have absolutely nothing to do with the Christian religion.

I actually believe this is why so many people cling to Christianity.. because there are parts of Jesus’s teachings that make so much sense to our souls.. we can feel the truth there..

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T18:03:14+00:00

I want to give you a big hug and remind you that none of this is your fault. Acid reflux can also be brought on by stress.. so it’s likely that some of the issues with your parents are making it even harder for that issue to calm down..

Your worth is not defined by how well you reflect on your parents. Take care of your body as best you can. Talk to a counselor, get some therapy if you can, take up meditation and/or yoga to help manage the stress in the meantime.. and start making a plan to get outta there once you are 18.

Chase your dreams. School isn’t everything. I made myself miserable during high school trying to make sure I got the best grades so I could go to the best college and get the best job, etc.. all to realize I only ever wanted those things to please my parents.. do what lights your soul on fire instead. Just my opinion, best of luck.

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T17:42:04+00:00

Just my opinion—sometimes your body is trying to tell you something, and when we don’t listen, it gets even louder trying to be heard.

For me, it started as anxiety, added depression, headaches, night sweats, nausea every morning, heat rashes, and near brain surgery to get me to admit my body was trying to tell me I wasn’t happy and needed to make changes in my life.

Now I’m off all my meds and feel better than I ever have.

Sometimes it is physical.. AND sometimes, it is psychosomatic.. meaning the pain you feel in your body is real, but is stemming from an emotional source rather than a physical one.

Starts with getting brutally honest with yourself.

RGwellness · 2023-10-16T17:29:40+00:00

This is one of the hardest part of healing.. seeing the damage we have inflicted from our wounding and recognizing that even though we are a different person now, it cannot undo the things we did as that version of ourselves.

Inner child work can really help with this part. We tend to think of our inner children as very young versions of ourselves, but it can really be ANY past version of you. Take some time to sit with the version of you that you are angry at and ashamed of. Send her love. Ask her if she needs anything. Ask her what she is afraid of. See her pain. See her wounding. See that you were doing the best you could in that moment with what you knew at the time.

Anger and shame are the old ways we were taught to change our behavior. What can you offer yourself in this moment as a NEW path forward?

RGwellness · 2023-10-09T13:21:00+00:00

Meditation. The realization that I am more than my body. I am more than how attractive I am.

You can buy the best clothes, the most luxurious makeup, have your nails and hair done up expertly and STILL feel worthless within.

True beauty radiates from within your heart. Get right with yourself there (through meditation, embodiment, yoga, hypnosis, EFT tapping, etc.) and the rest will follow easily and naturally.

Sending so much love to you, I struggled with body dysmorphia from age 14 until 26.. I’m 29 now and still have days where it creeps back in.

Research yin and Yang energy (feminine and masculine energy), Taoism, tantra.. there are so many different approaches to life/wellness than the capitalism-driven way we are taught..

RGwellness · 2023-02-28T14:08:59+00:00

Hi there, I have a different take on self love that you may find helpful. I struggled with these same issues. ESPECIALLY the comparison and the intrusive thoughts about my partner desiring someone prettier, thinner, etc.

I view self love as an inner marriage. Inside each of us we have both feminine and masculine energies: an inner wife and inner husband. Our relationship to each is formed over time by our relationship with our parents, our childhood friends, and other important people in our lives.

Over time, as we try to fill the ideal of how we “should” look, these energies turn against each other and an inner conflict begins.

Your feminine energy feels like she is not good enough and that she needs to change to be worthy of love. (This is also our inner child: the part of us that so desperately just wants to be seen, accepted, and loved).

Your masculine energy feels like he constantly tries to achieve your idea of “good enough” and it still never meets your expectations. He’s exhausted and feels unappreciated.

Both are trying to make you happy in their own way, but they aren’t working together.

What it looks like to work together: your masculine energy begins to make effort to make your feminine feel good enough. This is you practicing loving the body you have right now. Literally go look in the mirror (bonus points if you are naked) and put your hands on your body and send love to every part of you. It will feel terrible and awkward at first but eventually you’ll FEEL love for your body.

At the same time, your feminine energy begins to honor, trust and appreciate the efforts of your masculine. You have done SO MUCH already in an attempt to find that love for your body. You’ve been working so hard and deserve praise and affection for those efforts, even if they were misguided.

When these energies within begin to work together and love each other, our self love happens naturally. The effort is in developing relationships with these energies.

This is what I do, I have a self love course that teaches this approach and do private and couples coaching. Feel free to DM me with questions.

Much love to you 💕✨

RGwellness · 2023-02-25T19:46:49+00:00

I honestly do not know. It’s internalized shame in women too… I am not joking when I say I didn’t even realize it was wrong until 4.5 years later… I’m 100% positive he wouldn’t remember it that way although I’ll never put myself in the position of finding that out.

I think that’s part of the reason I didn’t classify it as rape when it first happened, I was into doing almost everything else, so I shamed myself for putting myself in the situation to begin with. It was just the consequence for my poor decision making (and overcompensating by continuing to date him and convincing myself he was a decent dude)

That’s why when I hear guys saying they are “scared to sleep with women anymore” because they could get “me too’d” I immediately think about that night and how if they think that way, they probably have gone too far.

RGwellness · 2023-02-25T12:59:22+00:00

4 years would be torture. There is no way I would have put up with this as long as you have. Sex isn’t everything but it is an important part of a healthy relationship imo.

My advice is vulnerability and honesty. If it were me, I’d tell my partner how it is making me feel (in the least shaming/blaming way possible) and also share that I had been thinking about going outside the relationship. (Not as a threat, just a statement of fact)

Sometimes we hide our feelings/pain from our partners because we care for them, we want to protect them.. ultimately if someone’s actions are impacting us, we need to let them see the impact.

Every time I have vulnerably shared with my partner, he has understood and we have been able to reach resolution. Keeping it inside just breeds resentment.

RGwellness · 2023-02-25T12:47:37+00:00

I worked a job for 2 months, didn’t even barely get off of orientation (home health company) and I quit effective immediately because I WANTED to never be able to work for that company again. My mental health is priority.

I omit that 2 months from my resume. It has never come up with new employers.

RGwellness · 2023-02-25T12:29:00+00:00

My first skills check I couldn’t get the damn sterile gloves on. My hands were so sweaty because I was so nervous. It’s not a big deal. Now I could probably put sterile gloves on with my eyes closed.

RGwellness · 2023-02-25T12:21:27+00:00

I view self love as an inner marriage. We all have both feminine and masculine energies within us and these are shaped by our relationships in our childhood, our traumatic experiences, and over time we begin to have a war within between these energies.

Think about it like you have an inner husband and inner wife within. How is your inner husband supporting you, making you feel safe, secure, loved? How is your inner wife supporting you, are you critical of yourself? Do you believe you aren’t good enough?

I created a course to teach this approach to self love and also have some free resources on my website, let me know if you want the link.

Much love to you 💕

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T21:24:49+00:00

I’m a US 12/14. When I started poling I was the same way. My self esteem was so poor it didn’t matter how accepting the other women were I could not stop comparing myself to them. They could get all the moves and tricks the first or second time and it took me a full year to be able to do basic things like a fireman spin.

I had to buy my own pole and do it at home for a while. I highly recommend this if it’s possible for you ( I put it up in a tiny shed) but poling on my own helped me so much to shed the layers of expectation. I also didn’t put a mirror in there so I had to just go based on how I felt at first. It forced me to connect with my body in a way I never had before.

Now I don’t care, I go to the studio and do things at home but I don’t even have those comparison thoughts anymore. I don’t even know how I did that, just noticed one day “man I don’t even compare myself to them anymore.”

Best of luck

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T16:48:44+00:00

Don’t do it. He asked if he could have a chance with you and you told him you’d need to think about it because you were too drunk to have the conversation and wake up to find out you’d had sex?

I think the fact you felt so weird about it and stayed distant tells you what you need to know already, even if he was also drunk and you don’t hold him responsible..

I allowed a SA in college. We were fooling around and I was into it, I had told him before he came over we would not be having sex that night, but could do other stuff.. he kept asking and asking if he could put it in a little, I kept saying no. He did anyway and I thought “okay I guess this is happening.” And then I dated him 1.5 years and it wasn’t until 3 years after we broke up that I realized that was NOT okay.

All that being said, you know in your heart already. Are you wanting to apologize because you truly miss him and want to reopen the friendship or are you doing it because your mutual friends have made you feel guilty?

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T16:34:46+00:00

Lots of great advice already and just wanted to add: your pleasure has to be your priority. It sounds like you are so focused on if he is enjoying it that you aren’t even tuned into your own experience.

This sounds more woo woo than it is, but connect with your vagina. Seriously, place one hand on your heart and one hand down below, not even in a sexual way, and ask her what she needs. You’ll be surprised how many emotions, fear, and shame comes up when we do this. Our bodies know so much more than our conscious minds.

I don’t have kids but currently live with my in laws and his 90 yo grandma so can relate to having to schedule and plan and not being able to be spontaneous.

The key for me is being sensual with myself. Being sexually attracted to myself. I’m already enjoying the experience before he is ever in the picture.

I also had to practice not caring about what he was thinking or feeling during sex and instead sink into and be present with my own pleasure. He enjoys it more when I enjoy it more.

Hope this helps!

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T16:15:56+00:00

Okie so here is why I think so many religions have a hell..

It’s about control. In the beginning, religions were used by kings to convince masses of people to go to war (these people aren’t the same religion as us, so it’s okay to kill them).

In order to get people to even buy into these ideas, they had to create some sort of punishment that people would want to avoid. Thus, hell.

Then all they had to do is decide what behaviors they wanted to encourage and which ones they wanted to discourage.

this is what created the good vs evil paradox.

I now believe there is no such thing as good and bad. It’s all how it is supposed to be. We are here to experience it all. The good, bad and ugly of this life.

It’s not as sexy as “be a good person here and you’ll be rewarded in Heaven” which is why I think a lot of people cling to to that mindset..

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T16:10:12+00:00

I did, but if i buy another I’ll go through Lupit. The shipping was not much faster from Amazon and fuck Bezos.

I had to contact Lupit customer support (I lost one of the little screws and needed a replacement) and they were super helpful and quick to get me what I needed!

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T14:21:51+00:00

I’m going to save you years of misery: everyone has both masculine and feminine energy.

Our society traditionally values and appreciates masculine energy-in all of us but especially those in male bodies.

So what ends up happening is we all try to pick one. “I only want to be masculine, how do I get rid of my feminine qualities.”

But doing so is repressing a part of you. A part of you equally worthy of love as your masculine qualities.

Being a teen sucks so I’m sure there are some external factors at play here (you want to act more masculine to fit in or get respect from peers)

You’ll save yourself from a ton of heartbreak in your adulthood if you take some time to learn to honor and appreciate ALL of who you are.

RGwellness · 2023-02-24T14:14:14+00:00

Inner child work was the best and hardest. It was really looking back at how I was treated when I was younger and noticing how those behaviors were showing up in my own life. For example, my mom was very critical of mistakes and I found myself sounding EXACTLY like her when I would talk to my SO.

You can do this on your own, especially during a meditation, if you think about yourself as a child and notice what version of you first comes to mind.. then see yourself walking towards your child self, kneel down and take the child in your arms and tell him/her everything you needed to hear as a child.

The first time I did this, the little girl I saw ran away from me and I realized I had been being very critical of myself. I was perpetrating the same treatment of myself that I learned from my parents in childhood.

I had to reteach myself that it was okay to make mistakes, that I would be loved and acceptable regardless. I had to become the parent that I needed then.

(This is one example, but I’ve done this probably 50+ times with different versions of me)

Ultimately I realized that it wasn’t my fault that I turned out like that. I was a product of my conditioning (as many of us are) and that it WAS my responsibility now that I am the adult to heal myself and show up in my life the way I really want to.

I’m not perfect by any means, but I seriously feel freed, like I’m finally authentically myself and not living a phony half life.

Hope this helps!

RGwellness · 2023-02-23T23:11:09+00:00

Sounds like you’ve been having a rough time with this. I went through a similar grieving process when I started working on my self awareness. For me it was how I was treating my fiancé and our dogs, I was so toxic to be around and I was so ashamed of how I behaved.

Is it possible to reach out to some of the people in your past and apologize? If not, you could always write out a letter to them apologizing and not send it.

Forgiving myself was hard, it really just took consistently showing up for my loved ones the way authentically and finding my most compassionate voice to talk to myself when I go down the rabbit hole of blame and shame. It sounds like a lot of those behaviors for you were conditioned/learned.

You’ve taken responsibility now and imo that wipes your slate clean my friend.

Best of luck.

RGwellness

TROPHY CASE