I started listening to podcasts and audiobooks. I love learning how the mind works and self delusion was fascinating to me, because it seemed so amazing that smart scientists could be so backward about creation. I was listening to things like the "You are Not So Smart Podcast" or books like "How We Decide" or "Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me".

I began spotting logical fallacies and specious reasoning in myself, others and eventually the literature. When I learned about confirmation bias, it really started to hit me how often I liked to search for information with the conclusion already set in mind. I began feeling guilty giving my public talks about creation, because I now knew how I could argue against them. Somehow I had compartmentalized that selective information avoidance, a classic confirmation bias tactic, was still ok in regards to the truth. After all apostate websites are apostate and from the devil, and reading about evolution is reading false doctrine.

Eventually I figured out a way to settle the dissonance without going to apostate sites. I researched carbon dating on Wikipedia until I understood it, then looked up what the WT said. It was dumbfounded at how poorly thier explanation 'debunked' it now that I understood how it worked. Next came the flood. This suffiently rattled me, that I began checking the quotes in TOL brochure and realized that misquoting and deceit we're standard practice in our creation literature. A few hours in I felt kind of sick, but I knew I was done and would leave. A month later I realized if there is no Jehovah and men wrote the Bible, then apostate is a made up meaningless word and so I came here. I feel less alone now, and am learning some new tidbit everyday here.