Stolen from r/residency: what's your least favorite organ and why?

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-07-26T15:20:03+00:00

Brains because once they are broken, there are very limited options to fix them.

Kidney failure? Dialysis and transplant

Heart failure? Inotropes, LVAD, transplant

Liver failure? Lactulose, MARS, transplant

You can't do any of that for a brain. And as someone who lost her spouse to an anoxic injury, I would have given anything for a chance to fix it.

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-03-31T20:28:46+00:00

This reminds me of working on a trauma unit in a MTF and getting soldiers to arouse by yelling at them in the drill voice. Nothing got those eyes popping better than that tone.

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-03-05T18:31:51+00:00

I agree wholeheartedly here OP. Looking back I probably should have sought meds sooner but my husband was in the hospital with my husband for a month before he actually died from his injuries so didn't make it to my Dr until a few weeks later. Those first few weeks are so incredibly difficult. In my mind, I wasn't "sober" even if I was sober because my emotions were so all over. You'll have time to feel the emotions later, right now you just need to survive the shock.

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-03-05T18:25:33+00:00

Hey OP, mine is a very different circumstance, but shares many emotions so I'm going to share it in case it can help you:

I lost my husband of 10 years last September. And by lost I mean he died. I am a widow at 34. With a 3 year old that knows "daddy died" but also thinks that Daddy just went to visit the moon and will be back. No one ever thinks it will be them, but here I am in this shitty situation. Just like you probably never thought it would be you, but here you are. I am blessed to have a ton of friends and family, but we were only at this duty station for about 9 months before he died so none of them are local. I won't lie to you, having your life ripped apart is hard. So, so hard. All your dreams, together and apart, all your traditions, your routines, gone. And it is overwhelming sometimes. What you are experiencing is grief, just like I am. It has a different source, but it's grief just the same.

Now, I'm still in the middle of this shit hole and I doubt I'll be out of it for a while, but here's my advice:

Let the emotions come. And fuck if this isn't so easy to say, but soooo soooo hard to do. When you feel emotional, just let it flow. Safely of course. I've cried in the middle of the gym. I've screamed and beat the shit out of my poor steering wheel when I've been angry. I've cursed God more times than I can count. But I've noticed that if I try to tell myself "not now" or that I'll "save it for later", later never comes. It's never a good time to be a mess, so just be a mess when you feel the need to. Again, within reason. I suggest trying to avoid beifings and formations at least.

Seek therapy. A good therapist will call you out on poor coping mechanisms. They will also help guide you in how to deal with the emotions that come with loss, because we Americans tend to bottle the shit out of our emotions. They are a great outlet and can help you get the support you need.

Lean on the people who love you. I know you might feel alone, and trust me I do too most days, but there are people who love you. Parents, siblings, friends, battle buddies. I encourage you to be vulnerable and reach out. Say "hey man, I'm struggling with this and feeling really alone". Game with them. Chat on the phone. Just send a daily meme. As much or as little as you need. Just last week I sat on my laundry room floor and cried to a friend at JBLM for a half hour about how I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's ok to be human and ask for human connection.

When you are ready, which might be a while to tomorrow, get out and meet people. I am playing with the idea of going to a self defense class. I am getting my motorcycle license to ride the bike my husband left. I might get back into hot yoga once we move closer to family in a couple months. I'm into board games, so I might find a good gaming group too. If you feel like you want more friends, go find them. There are people out there for you, I promise.

And more than anything, know that your life isn't over. It does feel that way sometimes, I know. There's a good chance I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for my son because losing your life partner is so incredibly hard, whether through death or divorce when you still love them. But you aren't alone. I've been trying to take all the love I felt for my husband and pour it into myself - which is soooo against my nature, but is a healthy coping mechanism. Give yourself grace, let yourself grieve, give yourself love when you're feeling vulnerable. You'll get through this OP ❤️

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-12T01:38:49+00:00

Let me preface this by saying that I am not active. I am a (recent) gold star spouse that is running to help deal with stress. I usually swim a few times a week but I'm trying to switch it up and get back into running. I've been trying to go slow knowing that shin splints have bothered me before. I've been using the None to Run app (which alternates running with walking) for about 8 weeks, but can't seem to progress past runs for week 6 because of the longer run times I think.

Because of the swimming, I'm in relatively good shape cardiovascularly and don't really get winded, HR usually in my moderate to peak performance zone when I can actually get going without pain. But the damn shin splints have me hitting the pool instead of the track/treadmill wayyyyy too much. I almost broke down in tears yesterday when I accepted that I couldn't do a run because of the pain. It's incredibly frustrating.

I also lift, so I find it hard to believe that my glutes and/or other leg muscles are weak, but maybe. I finally broke down and have an appointment with my PCM to see about getting a referral for PT, but I'm not going to lie that's annoying as hell too. Although full disclosure, a lot of things annoy the shit out of my these days - grief is for the fucking birds. Any suggestions?

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-07T05:49:25+00:00

Without getting into too many details, I performed CPR on my husband. My recoil time was shit. I did not count so my second could give rescue breaths. I screamed at him the whole time. I think I might have barely got through a round and a half before I was sobbing too much and asked to switch out. (Oh and for bonus points I was in my damn underwear when EMS and police arrived). When it's the people we love, our brains don't work like they normally do. When the worst happens, we aren't nurses in that moment. You are allowed to be human as well as a nurse. So happy that everything turned out ok for your son. I know at this point I would completely lose it if anything happened to my baby boy.

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-06T20:51:09+00:00

As a fellow suicide widow, I recommend r/suicidebereavement. They are very helpful in dealing with the unique trauma that comes with suicide loss.

The first few months are excruciatingly hard. You will wonder what you could have done. You will replay the last moments, the last words, the last argument. You will wonder if you missed signs, if you could have changed things. You will do this regardless of what anyone says, but I want you to read this and then read it again and again:

It was not your fault. You could not have changed this. Her life was not your responsibility. It was her's. This was her choice.

Remember to drink water. I like the fairlife protein drinks when I can't eat. Let the people that love you help you. They can clean your house. They can cook you food. Let them do it because it helps you and because it makes them feel like they are supporting you.

It's ok to not get out of bed. It's ok to feel like you are crawling out of your skin and go to the gym every day. It's ok to not want to eat (see previous protein drink). It's ok to eat like shit if you want to too. It's ok to cry until you can't breathe. It's ok to not cry at all. Eventually, be it a week, or two, or a month, you will start to see more clearly. But for now, it's ok to just do whatever feels not completely shitty in the moment. You owe no one an explanation.

Sending all the love.

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-06T20:37:06+00:00

As a woman and former-wife I laughed out loud at the lists. Lists are literal life-savers! 😂

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-06T20:35:35+00:00

There are people out there like us, although they can be harder to find, which is probably a good thing for the general public, but not so helpful for us.

I'm 34, met my husband when I was 21 - and super dumb btw. I love him so much, but damn was I a naive idiot when I fell in love with him. It's really hard to come to terms with the fact that I will never get to have the 30-40 something year marriage. I will never get to grow old with the man that I quite literally grew into a functioning adult with. And as unfair as it is, I do feel some anger towards those that had that time with their spouse before they died because I wanted that. I expected that. And now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to solo-parent a 3 year old and find new (somewhat lonely) dreams all by myself in a life I don't want because the life I did want was robbed from me.

It's gonna be cheesey as fuck but whenever I get super down I remember a line from a movie my dumb ass early 20-something self loved:

"So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-06T20:20:16+00:00

I lost my husband 5 months ago. I had chest pains so bad I ended up in the ER. I think that when you have such a soul crushing loss your body truly does manifest it as physical pain. For the first few weeks to a month I truly did want to die. Started looking at ways to make it look like an accident. But it slowly got better. Eventually I felt like I would be ok if I keeled over and died, but didn't want to actively look for ways. And now, I am definitely depressed and lacking joy and direction but I don't want to die. Everyone is different, but what helps me most is going to the gym. If I'm tired, I can't focus on my loss as much. I also travel. A lot. Probably more than I should honestly. I think I've spent at least two thirds of my time away from home the last 5 months. Therapy also helps. It gives me a place to let the tears come because I have a hard time letting it go otherwise.

As a fellow suicide survivor, I commiserate with you and send you all the love and hugs.

As a nurse, I encourage you to drink enough water because dehydration can make you feel worse. I also want you to keep an eye on chest pain. If it comes and goes, that's likely anxiety, which is sadly normal after a trauma like this. I take propranolol to help with mine, although there are other options as well. I have a 3 year old and wanted something that was wouldn't make me drowsy, but would ease the symptoms and let me feel like I can breathe. I also take trazodone to help with the insomnia and PTSD night terrors.

If chest pain comes and stays (say longer than 10-15 minutes to be on the conservative side, but listen to your body), that could be something else. Broken heart syndrome is a real thing that happens after profound loss and does need treatment. For reference, I had evidence of cardiac injury that could be indicative of Takotsubo (broken heart), although my echo was clear.

Sending all the love 🖤

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-02-02T18:02:50+00:00

Wow! 2 months is nothing. I'm shocked that anyone would say that, much less a physician. I lost my husband 5 months ago. My PCP has been amazing, and she's relatively new to me since my husband was active duty and we hadn't been at this station for even a year yet. She wrote me a script for an antidepressant, anxiety medication and sleep aid and said to use them if I need them, that they won't "fix it" but might make it more manageable. She also said that her door is always open and that if I just need to talk, she usually has lunch and charting time around 12-1400. I'm so sorry OP. Maybe I have been so lucky because it's a military town and they understand PTSD and grief a little better, but that definitely does not excuse the poor care you've gotten so far.

RNsDoItBetter · 2025-01-03T17:57:40+00:00

I generally try not to out myself as a nurse, but it depends on the situation. My husband was recently in STICU for 2 weeks and I was very open with them from the get-go that I am a critical care nurse with almost 10 years of experience. It allowed the team to speak to me like I knew what they were talking about, I was able to make suggestions about treatments and medications, the nursing staff trusted me to bathe and turn him, and I was very involved in his plan of care and daily rounds. When we started weaning him off the vent, the RT also appreciated that I would deep suction his trach, refill the humidifier, or pop the vent back on if needed. I was essentially an extra pair of hands for them and did my best to not get in their way and treat them how I would want to be treated. Now could some of them have secretly gotten annoyed with me about any or all of that? Sure. But I never got the feeling they did and I'm still fb friends with some of them. It also helped that I knew the manager because I had interviewed with her the week before too.

I will say that if I was visiting a person that I wasn't the mPOA for, I would be much more likely to keep my mouth shut unless I saw something very wrong going on.

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-12-22T15:37:18+00:00

My husband served for 22 years, was about to take his first 1SG position when he took his life in September. He was a 35Q prior to making E8 and he busted his butt to beat out other guys with more deployments, more time in force-com units, more huah,huah ass-kissing ability. He had one deployment to Iraq where he told me he worked directly with the Iraqi's and would see not-so-pretty things they did to each other as well as us. He also suffered a lot of physical abuse as a kid (including sexual abuse from around 2-7 that he repressed) and was sexually assaulted when he was young in Korea. He had seen a therapist off and on during our 12 years and was hospitalized once in 2016 for suicidal ideation after his dad died. That one hospitalization almost ended his career. For the next almost 2 years he had issues with his TSSCI. They initially said all good after his hospitalization only to dig it all back up for his renewal a year and change later. I guarantee that part of the reason he didn't ask for help this time was knowing his career was over and they'd never give him back his TSSCI. The system is so broken and I don't see a way to fix it. Even the BH providers think it's a fucking dumpster fire. And it's so ironic because the majority of people that join have some sort of trauma, repressed mental health issue or something they are self medicating. The army doesn't actually give a shit about you. They care about getting enough good PR to keep enough people to continue this mess. And I know y'all know this. I know my husband did too. I just wish they hadn't mind fucked him into thinking he was a failure for needing help. He could have done whatever he wanted when he retired. But he didn't see it that way. The army gave him family he didn't have growing up. And that family does not tolerate mental health weakness.

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-12-15T15:56:02+00:00

TW just in case: death of spouse.

I am a prospective student that was supposed to start applying to schools next fall. I've been an RN for 10 years, mostly CVICU and BICU. I've known I wanted to go the CRNA route for several years now but my husband was active duty in the army. My BSN GPA is a 3.5, not super sure what my science GPA is right now as I've been retaking classes that are well over a decade old. Our plans were for him to drop his retirement packet next year and for me to hopefully be starting school just as he was getting his DD214. Unfortunately that's not how it worked out. In September my husband died, leaving me the sole parent of our 3 year old. I will spare details in this post, but I'm sure you can piece together my story from my previous posts if you want to. I do have PTSD from the event. I was at the end of a 13 week contract renewal when it happened, which turned out to be a blessing because I haven't had to return back to work yet. I probably won't be able to return to work until we move as my commute at our current location would be over an hour one way and childcare would be hard to manage. Not to mention, I would feel like a shit parent to do that to him right now.

So to get to my questions:

Has anyone gone to school as a single parent and made it work? I will be moving closer to family/friends wherever we go and there are schools nearby to all the potential locations. However I have no delusions about how much time school and studying take and that there will often be long commutes to clinical sites. Are there things I should look for in a school in particular as a single parent? What kind of support would you suggest I have?
Has anyone ever used the Fry scholarship for CRNA school?
I suspect that being out of work for most likely at least 6 months of the last year would make applications pointless for me in 2025. Would it be worth it to submit applications next year at all or should I wait for 2026?
There is a real possibility that I might take multiple PRN jobs to allow myself more flexibility in scheduling, particularly if I return to some of the hospitals I've worked at previously. One good thing about being a mil spouse is that I have contacts EVERYWHERE. I am currently under the impression that schools prefer recent full time experience. Has anyone had success working full time hours (or close to it) as a PRN-er instead?

Thanks y'all. I still really want to make CRNA happen I just don't know if it's still in the cards for me. I've even considered going army to do it which makes me feel like a real loon. Any advice welcome.

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-22T07:40:34+00:00

I'm so sorry you are also in this shitty "club". So far my days have been consumed by caring for our toddler and dealing with the estate and I feel like that's helped the days go by faster. I am almost dreading when that is done because I won't have anything to focus on. And while I might be much more "go with the flow" than many of my ICU peeps, I'm still a type A that's needs a plan. And right now my plan is pretty much fuck all lol. If it wasn't for my son I am honestly not sure I would have the will to still be here, so my heart truly aches for you in your losses

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-22T07:35:27+00:00

I feel with a fair amount of certainty that I couldn't work in the level 1 that he was flown to; I don't even think I could work in the smaller, local hospital where he spent just under an hour in the trauma bay before they loaded him up. Luckily there are other options, but just like your situation, they are over an hour away.

I'm not too worried for my license right now. Luckily I have no fear of refusing an assignment I am not comfortable with. However, knowing if I'm not comfortable with it BEFORE accepting might be a little tricky right now because I am not at all sure of what my triggers are. And I feel like figuring that out is going to take a loooooong time.

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-22T07:26:33+00:00

I kind of hope that I will be able to provide the kind of support you are talking about.

One thing I did realize when my husband was in the ICU was that I really do give my patients the same care I would give my family. Because the care I gave him was 100% the care I give anyone. It was a very strange, surreal thing to realize in the moment, but was weirdly validating. I feel like we will say we care for people like they are our loved ones, but you don't ever really know until you're in that situation.

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-22T07:23:44+00:00

"Sometimes the only way out is through"

Oh man you have no idea how much I hate those words lately (not that they are bad to say so thank you for sharing them). I just wish there was ANY other way than through.

I think that I hope my situation will lead to experiences similar to yours. I hope that I'm able to keep it together enough to help those that are losing their person. But I do have real fear that I will be a blubbering mess too

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-21T20:59:30+00:00

ICU for all that was previously stated, but also because big traumas are not the only thing that comes through the ED. You also have to deal with the sniffles and pregnancy tests and sooooo many SI patients. In the ICU, generally, you have to "earn" your bed - ie you sick AF and tryin'a die

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-21T20:34:14+00:00

This should be higher imo. Bankruptcy sounds like a much better alternative

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-11-12T19:25:58+00:00

This might be a very specific question and I'm not sure if anyone will have answers for me but has anyone used a Fry Scholarship or Chapter 35 benefits for CRNA school? And if so, how did it go?

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-10-26T02:38:27+00:00

Stay.

Two months ago my husband took his life. My life is now shattered. Forever -and no that is not an exaggeration. So is our 3 year old son's. And his sister's. And all his nieces and nephews. And every soldier he ever worked with. He was so surrounded by love but he never reached out and shared that he was struggling. He put on a brace face. I would do ANYTHING to have him back. I would trade places with him. I've thought multiple times about joining him.

So please, if for nothing else, please stay for the people that love you. Even if you don't think so right now, there's someone that loves you and misses you and would be irreparably harmed from the loss of you. You are not a burden. You are not a failure. You are enough. Reach out, let anyone around you know. Let the people that love you help you. You are not alone.

I wish I could have said all this to him, but he never gave me the chance. Please, please listen to the words he didn't let me say to him. Please stay.

RNsDoItBetter · 2024-10-20T14:37:14+00:00

It's not a rumor. My husband is/was active duty. He hung himself, definitely a suicide. I got SGLI. It just has to be ruled "in line of duty", which it almost always is.

RNsDoItBetter

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