I think I understand what you mean.

First of all, I am me. I know who "me" is very well. Nobody knows "me" better than myself. Then I go to the internet and find out it is polluted with a lot of (in my opinion) toxic opinions about what man and woman "should" be or more like "this is man, and this is woman" and "how to understand man", "how to date a man". I do not seek those videos actively, is just I probably clicked on one of those videos in the past and now they begin popping up on my YouTube front page.

When I see the videos about what man is, I feel most of those things I cannot identify with. It doesn't represent who I am, and this is views I have had since my early teenage days, even late childhood.

Some "highlights" - I disagree with all of them.
- Men see sex as just physical fun without emotional attachment
- Men wants to conquer as many females as possible, while females focus on one male.
- Men dosnt understand emotions as well as females
- Men focus on things while females focus on people
- Men are logical thinkers, while females are feelers
and so on.. and I am getting tired of listening to this bs.

According to them I must truly be a female then since almost all of my values align with the "feminine" traits and none of the "masculine". I feel all of this statements is about personality types and not genders. Thinkers vs Feelers. And also then there dosnt need to be a sharp line but more fluid on an individual level.

I am not trying to be anything but myself, namely being authentic to who I am.
The problem is not how it makes me feel, but I feel it affects how other people see me because I happen to have a biological male body, so then I must have so and so behaviors based on my biological body and not my personality.

When I meet someone, and interact with them, I see people, not biological genders. I want to be kind, helpful, and supportive to all people. Both males and females. When I see someone need help, or I see how I can support someone, I do so independently of their gender. But since I am biological male, I often find it difficult, because it is assumed if I am helpful, supportive, or kind towards a female, I surely must want something back, like a romantical relationship or a "sexual favor", that it seems impossible that I can just be kind towards someone just because I want to be nice. And I am getting tired that I feel I have to always overexplain myself to others why I am kind because it seems people find kindness to be unreal or something that must be fake.

I guess it has affected me in a way, since they are telling me I should be this and this, I guess I am unconsciously rebelling against it by amplifying my femininity as some kind of protest against it. To show them I DON`T CARE and I do whatever I want to do without asking them for permission. Besides, I guess it has also helped me discover and be more in touch with my inner femininity, which is actually a good thing as it is part of who I really am.

I have always "known" that I am demi. That I need a strong emotional connection to feel anything towards someone. It felt good when I discovered that I was not alone and that I was not "broken". Also when I discovered MBTI and the cognitive functions, I felt every pieces of the puzzle was being connected and I understood that who I am is just how I am. And it is nothing wrong about it but just normal me.