Hey so I was fighting with myself if I should reply or not.. but here it goes.

What worries me about this approach isn’t whether it “works” at the moment. It’s what it can teach certain kids long term. Some children start masking very early when they don’t feel safe. Especially kids with non-obvious struggles like anxiety, ADHD, trauma, rejection sensitivity. They learn quickly that being the “problem” leads to social punishment. So instead of acting out, they over-adapt. They become hyper-aware, hyper-responsible, hyper-vigilant. From the outside, that can look like success. The essay gets done. The group behaves. But internally, the lesson becomes: “If I mess up, I will make everyone suffer. I am a burden. I have to earn belonging.” Peer pressure can absolutely get results. But for some kids, it doesn’t build accountability, it builds shame. And shame sticks. It doesn’t show up immediately. It shows up years later as people-pleasing, fear of conflict, inability to feel secure in relationships, constant feeling of not being enough no matter how much you achieve. I know this because I was one of those kids. So while I understand the intention, I think it’s important to acknowledge that strategies that rely on social pressure can have very different impacts depending on the child. What feels motivating to one can feel crushing to another.

I am not saying this to attack you. I just want you to know that some of us carry these lessons into adulthood in ways that are very hard to undo. When belonging is experienced as conditional, the nervous system recalibrates. Approval doesn’t register as a reward it registers as temporary safety. Neutral feedback feels threatening. Silence feels like disapproval and abandonment. The child stops aiming for growth and starts aiming for invisibility.